I Would Die If You Never Got To Know
by xStepOneIsYourHeartx
Summary: Shaun is a boy starting high school, he meets a boy along the way, they become friends or maybe something more? They have their ups and downs into their early twenties. will this end happily, or will it end tragically? Short Stack Shandy fanfic "Story Of Shandy" SLASH WARNING! Hope you enjoy, message from author at end x
1. Chapter 1

SHAUN P.O.V

First day of year 7. Great. No friends, jumper ten times bigger than me, dorky shoes, knee high socks, shorts that go below my knees. Fun. I'm nervous, I know nobody but I hope I'll gain some friends by the end of the year.  
"Shaun, come on, get your bag. Time for your first day of school!" mum said smiling, she came in with her camera, I smiled as she clicked the photo and then I grabbed my bag, going out to the car, I don't know what to expect, what will the people be like? What if I get lost and I have no one to help me? Oh well. I'll pull through. I got in the car and put my huge bag on the floor, doing up my seatbelt, waiting for mum to come. She came out and got in the car, she looked proud. She started the car and drove me to school, I had so many butterflies from nervousness, I'm scared.

We got to school. I saw all the other kids with their mums going to the school hall, my mum walked me there and we sat down as we heard the announcements and saying who was in which class. I kissed my mum on the cheek goodbye and took my school map, finding the room I was in. I walked into the room and bit my lip. None of them were familiar, all the kids in my class were in their own little groups talking, I sighed and sat down. This will be a lovely year. My teacher Mrs Brown checked us off the roll and told us she was also our science teacher as she passed us our timetables. They are so confusing to read. The bell rang as I made my way to my music class. This was probably the best thing about today so far. I walked into the room and took a seat.  
"Ah Hello students, my name is Mr Samuels and I'll be your music teacher for this semester, we will be working on these worksheets like crosswords and such where you write in the different types of music and music signatures and such into the columns. I hope you enjoy this semester" he smiled and passed us all a piece of paper with the crossword and I started finding the types of music for the different boxes. They call this 'music'? I want to learn something.  
"Mr Diviney, are you here?" Mr Samuels said marking the roll  
"o-oh yeah, here sir"  
"good, I hope you have a wonderful year" he smiled and continue marking the roll  
"thanks Mr Samuels" I smiled slightly and continued till I finished and then packed my bag up and went out to recess, all us year 7's were taken to our locker bay and I picked a locker and put my bag in, taking my lunch money out, closed my locker and made my way out to the locker bay. "Shit, my map" I bit my lip. Why did I have to forget my map? Gah, I'm so stupid. I started walking back but I didn't know where I was going and then I saw this honey blonde haired boy approach me  
"Hey, I'm Andy, how are you?" he put his hand out to shake mine  
"h-hey, I'm good I guess…thanks…I'm Shaun by the way" I shook his hand and smiled  
"do you know what the best thing about being short is?"  
"what?" I giggled  
"when you hug girls you get their boobs in your face" I burst into laughter as he smiled and laughed slightly. "Are you lost?" Andy said  
"yeah…kinda...heh..."  
he laughed "come on, I'll help you, where do you need to go?"  
"The canteen" I blushed slightly, this was embarrassing  
"ahhh, the good ol' canteen, come on" he grabbed my hand, dragging me through the corridor and outside to the canteen, I smiled "thanks Andy"  
"no problem Shaun, I hope you have a good year" he smiled and went to walk away  
"hey...hey Andy"  
"yeah" he turned to me  
"could you be my friend? I know that sounds lame but I kinda have nobody and I'm a tad scared and stuff and you seem really cool"  
"of course Shaun" he smiled slightly  
"good" I smiled as the bell rang.

I walked out of the school with Andy as we were laughing and talking as I waited for my mum, then a boy walked up next to Andy, he was taller than him by a tad and had brown hair and braces, playing on his phone with a shiny purple case. Kind of queer I think.  
"Andy, dad said he'll pick us up a bit late like, 15 minutes" the boy said  
"okay Bradie, thanks. Oh and this is my friend Shaun"  
"oh, hey Shaun, I'm Bradie. Andy's step-brother"  
"hi Bradie, nice to meet you"  
"you too"  
I saw my mums car pull up and I smiled "bye guys, mums here"  
"bye Shaun" Andy said  
"bye" Bradie added. I walked to mums car and got in.  
"so, how was your first day?" mum asked  
"it was great mum" I smiled at her  
"that's good to hear"  
"yeah" I bit my lip as she drove home. I got inside and went to my room and sat and my desk scribbling on a notepad, I think this will be a good year after all. I wonder if me and Andy will be friends for a long time, I hope he remembers my name.


	2. Chapter 2

_**one year later...**_

ah, school again. Year 8 now, I've settled into the school easily, Andy, Bradie and I are best friends along with our friend Shannon. I couldn't wait for school to start today. I feel like this year will be better than the last. I made my way out the door with my bag; walking up to the train station which past Andy and Bradie's house. I got in and they got to the station where the boys were at, they both walked in smiling "SHAUN!" Andy laughed as he ran and sat next to me.  
"how was your holiday Shaun?" Bradie said as he said in the chair behind us  
"meh, kind of boring. What about you guys? Ooh! And I'm getting a mobile phone next week ooh yeah baby." They laughed  
"mine was boring too, all Bradie did was play his stupid video games" Andy said  
"they're not stupid!" said Bradie  
"do I need to go over the spyro game thing again?"  
"Shut up" Bradie said as he slouched in his chair  
"what spyro thing" I whispered to Andy  
"I'll tell you later. We'll have an argument if I say it again" he whispered back, giggling.  
We got to the school and all went to the bulletin board where we read our classes.  
"YES! Shaun we're in the same grade!"  
"Oh yeah buddy! Hi five!" we high fived and laughed  
"you guys are so lucky, all I got is Shanny" Andy said  
"there's nothing wrong with that Andy" I laughed, the bell went. He pouted. He was probably thinking something.  
"woo, time for class, see you Andrew" I said and walked away with Bradie to the class room  
"oh my god Shaun, look, it's Daniel, he thinks he's cool because he's in year ten" I laughed at the patheticness, Daniel is the school bully, he picks out every flaw and would bash you and call you the names no one wants to hear.  
"Bradie, who cares about him. We're not going to let idiots like that fuck us over"  
"okay Shaun". We walked in and took a seat and got introduced to our new teacher Mr Brooks. After the bell went and we've marked the roll we went to our class. I wonder how Andy's going.

it was lunchtime. Andy had come up to me and told me all about his overweight English teacher that would scream at the birds because they were annoying which made me laugh so hard. "OH MY GOD DUDE. OUR MUSIC TEACHER HAS OCD I SWEAR AHAHAHA" I ranted on "why?" he laughed "he like, cleans everything and make sure everything is perfect and in line" Bradie added "oh god it's so funny" I said.  
"I need to go to the bathroom" Bradie said  
"then go…?" I said  
"can you guys wait for me outside?"  
"Sure"  
"okay" Andy said.

Andy and I waited for Bradie and shared my bag of hot chips from the canteen and then Daniel came up, uh oh…  
"Awww look at these faggots sharing a bag of chips"  
"w-what?" Andy said  
"what do you think I'm talking about you gay cunt" he picked chips out of the packet and threw them at Andy's face. Fuck.  
"ow, what the fuck" Andy said, covering his eye  
"haha, you fucking pussy" he walked away, I heard Andy's breathing shake  
"Andy, are you okay?"  
"I-I'm fine, just take me to the school nurse, I think I got salt or something in my eye" his voice broke  
"okay, come on" I grabbed his arm and took him up to the nurses office where his eye got checked out, he just had to wash it out. But I still can't believe he'd do that to Andrew. My best friend.


	3. Chapter 3

3 months into school and I'm already sick of it. All this homework like, really? Gah, year 7 was so much easier, Daniel has been bullying both me and Andy lately. We're literally sick of it. High school is worse than I thought. I've got a crush on a girl in my class, her names Stacey, she's so beautiful I just, oh my god. I'm crazy about her, but every time I say something to Andy he gets all funny. I don't know why. It could be because he'd be afraid of losing me if me and her actually happed. I wouldn't let that happen, ever. There was a party this weekend and Shannon's and Stacey will be there. I'm planning on asking her out I don't know, I don't know.

"HEY ANDY!"  
"Shaun?" Andy turned around to me; I ran up to him  
"hey"  
"hey" he smiled slightly  
"how are you?"  
"Fine, you?"  
"I-I'm pretty good, kinda nervous. I'm planning on asking Stacey out at Shannon's party tomorrow"  
"really!?"  
"Yes"  
"good luck" he smiled quickly and walked away. Something's been bothering him lately, I don't know what. I'm afraid to ask why.

This is it. The big party. I'm going to ask her out. I can do it. I put my Blink-182 shirt on, black skinny jeans and converse on and then quickly brushed my hair.  
"MUM, I'M GOING. SEE YOU LATER, I LOVE YOU"  
"I LOVE YOU TOO SHAUN, STAY SAFE!"  
"I WILL" I ran out the door and made my way to Shannon's and knocked on his door.  
"Hey Shaun"  
"Hey Shan, who's here"  
"Andy and Bradie got here not long ago and a few other kids"  
"okay, what's for drinks?"  
"V's, coke, Fanta, lemonade, you know, the shitty stuff" he laughed as I did.  
"I'll go get a drink then" I smiled and made my way to the refreshments bar, grabbing a V and turned to see Stacey, the beautiful long haired brunette with those green and hazel eyes. I felt my heart beat faster as I approached her.  
"Hey Stacey"  
"oh, hi." She turned around  
"I'm Shaun, I'm in your class"  
"I know" she smiled and turned around, going to talk to her friends  
"h-hey Stacey"  
"yes Shaun" she looked at me again  
"can we go out back for a second? I want to ask you something"  
"okay, sure" she smiled and quickly walked outside, I followed and sat on the bench, she joined me  
"so…?" she asked  
"do you, Stacey, want to be my girlfriend?" I bit my lip as I blushed and then I felt an impact on my lips, I closed my eyes and sat there kissing her back softly; I guess this is a yes? I thought a first kiss would feel better than this but how would I know? This was my first kiss.

ANDY P.O.V  
"hey Shan?"  
"Yeah?" Shannon replied  
"where's Shaun?"  
"Snogging Stacey Davis" he said in a British accent  
"ha ha, very funny"  
"I'm being serious, they're making out"  
"w-…really?"  
"Yes"  
"oh. Good for him then" I smiled fakily and grabbed my drink and passed the back door, looking out to exactly what Shan described. He was kissing_ her_, the school whore. She'll just break his heart. I would never do that to him. Why am I even thinking like this? God. I wanted to get out of here, I have to.

"Bradie, I'm going home…"  
"Why?"  
"Because I'm tired, I have homework to do"  
"since when do you do homework?"  
"Since now, I'm going. Bye."  
"See ya" he went off to Shan as I walked out. I walked down the streets with my head down low. I feel something for Shaun that I've never felt before. I don't know if it's best friend feeling or loving feelings. It just feels different with him. He makes me happy. I walked in my house and went to my room, ignoring mum and Gerald. I lied on my bed, staring at the roof, counting the amount of times Daniel had bashed me this week…3 times, I sighed shakily and got up, going to my mirror and lifted my jumper and shirt off and felt my eyes glaze over with tears, blinking them away I stared down my body. Bruises all over my stomach and chest, the grazes on my arms but most of all, the scratches on my wrist from the scissors 'You're so short' 'you're so fat' 'you're a faggot' 'ugly' 'dumbass' 'gay' 'cunt' 'pathetic' 'worthless' 'my perfect little punching bag' I burst into tears remembering what Daniel and his gang did to me but the biggest one 'no one loves you and no one cares' I sobbed softly, they're right, I'm ugly and no one cares nor loves me. Shaun proved that to me. I looked through my drawer and found my sharpener and grabbed my scissors, unscrewing the tiny screw in the sharpener, taking the blade out, I cleaned it off quickly with a tissue and held it up to my arm "just swipe it Andrew…" I whispered to myself and I quickly swiped it off and gasped "f-fuck" I whispered, I stared at my arm as it started to bleed, I just sat there and watched it until it stopped and then I got up and cleaned the blood, breathing deeply from the sting and then made my way back to my room and put my jumper back on and got in bed, turned my lamp off and closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up wishing I was dead. I felt more shit than ever before, my arm was stinging, my head was banging, most of all I remembered Shaun, my best friend, kissing Stacey, the prettiest bitch in the school. I sighed and got up, getting my uniform on and jumper, walking out with my bag and iPod, not bothering to eat. I thought I'd walk today, more time to myself. I got to the school and Bradie was there with Shannon "Hey Andy, you don't look good"  
"mmm, I'm fine" I said flatly to Shannon  
"when I came home he was sleeping, he's usually up till 2"  
"shut up Bradie"  
"who died?"  
I grinded my teeth together mumbling "my heart"  
"what was that?"  
"I said where's Shaun?"  
"oh, he's making out with Stacey in the locker bay, cover your eyes as you get your books"  
"okay" I sighed and walked in looking down and went to my locker, grabbing my math books and I could hear their deep breathing and kissing from three lockers down. Just someone kill me now. I slammed my locker and locked it, running to my home room. I can't take this anymore, I want to die. I'll never be good enough. I walked in and sat down then I heard Rebecca's voice "Andy, you don't look happy today"  
"I-I'm fine" I smiled slightly "just tired". When the bell went I skipped class, I ran to the back of the school and hid there, holding my blade in my hands that I carry with me now, I've always been treated like this. Someone always leaves me or ignores me for the better or hurt me physically and mentally, I put the blade to my wrist and played with it, dragging it softly around my skin, leaving the faintest scratch. What have a become? Why don't people like me? Why do people always leave me, I read my batman comic to get my mind off things, I heard the bell for lunch ring, I quickly got up and put my blade in my book and ran to the locker bay, they were kissing, again, literally making out against my locker "F-Fuck off" I choked and pushed them off  
"Andy?" Shaun said, I ignored and quickly opened my locker and grabbing the books I needed, put them in my bag and ran, I was almost out of the school till I bumped into Daniel. Fuck my life. He grabbed me by the collar "what do you think you're doing here you ugly cunt"  
"I-I was just about to leave"  
"sure, take him away boys" he smirked and his friends picked me up from the arms and legs, covering my mouth and took me to the bathroom that no one goes to because it's "haunted" and they slammed me against the wall and I grunted "fuuuck, let me go, p-please, I beg you"  
"why should we?" Daniel kneed my stomach, making me cry out in pain  
"I-It hurts" he punched my eye and slammed my head against the wall  
"you're a fucking weak faggot" they pushed me down to the floor and kicked me in the balls, making me groan and cry as they walked away. I sat there shaking and crying, nobody heard me. Nobody cares. I heard the end bell and I grabbed my bag and slowly walked out looking down, slowly walking home and going to my room, throwing my bag across the room and got into my bed, put my iPod in and softly cried to the songs I love.

I stayed home that week, claiming I had a cold to mum and Gerald; I cut deeper and deeper every night. It bled, longer and longer. I felt like dying. No one wants me here. The only person I thought would understand is probably making out with that whore. I heard a knock on the door at 2pm Friday, school finishes at 3, it wouldn't be Bradie, mum and Gerald are working, I sighed and went to the door, not caring about my harmed arms or red eyes or ugly hair, sleepy eyes, I opened the door and felt like bursting into tears, it was Shaun, he looked upset, hurt, fuck.  
"S-Shaun?"  
"I-I need you so much right now Andy" he burst into tears, I wrapped my arms around him tight, hissing slightly from my cuts but didn't let him go, I never want to let him go. "What happened Shaun? Come to my room" I sniffed and pulled him to my room and closed the door. "Tell me, what happened…" he breathed shakily as he said "St-..She b-broke up with me, she told me she was using me, told me I'm pathetic and left, just like that, I-I fell for her, hard. I'm so stupid Andy" he started to sob into his hands "shh Shaun" I said, sitting next to him, wrapping one arm around him "you'll be okay"  
"m-mhm" he nodded then looked down, my eyes grew as I realized he was looking at my wrist, I heard him gasp "A-ANDY!? W-WHY?!" He looked into my eyes sadly as his breathing quickened "s-shh Shaun, you don't understand, you were never around" I started crying "I-I was so close to suicide"  
"no, no, no, no, Andy n-no, you're my best friend"  
"y-you were never here, y-you were with her making out, RIGHT at my locker and acted like I didn't exist"  
"I-I'm sorry, I was so caught up on "love" that it was actually lust and I-I regret it." He wrapped my arms around me as I cried, after about five minutes of both of us, sitting there in tears until I decided to get up, I had to show what he did to me, I pulled my shirt off and showed him my underweight, bashed body, he gasped "f-fuck! Andy, w-who-"

"Daniel."  
"fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm so sorry Andy"  
"I-It's not your fault…they've been bullying me since primary school, I loved year six because they weren't there b-but I only have to go through two more years of this and I'll be okay"  
"n-no, you'll be dead, I'm not letting them hurt you"  
"they'll just come for you, please don't Shaun"  
"you're my best friend, I care, so much Andy"  
"I care for you too" he smiled and hugged me softly , I hugged him back carefully, I don't know what it is about Shaun, but he makes me feel content.


	5. Chapter 5

The past couple weeks have been hard. Finding out about Andy, the break up, just Gah, why did I even love that whore? Just hfvkjsdn I'm so dumb, really. It's a Saturday and I have nothing to do, Andy and Bradie went away for the weekend. I'm just sitting here watching TV and thinking about Andy, Bradie…and Andy…I'm just worried about him. I continued watching TV and then an ad came on for a Blink-182 concert, I sat up and had a mini heart attack. Oh my fucking god. "MUM! MUM! MUM COME, COME, COME LOOK AT THIS!"  
"WHAT SHAUN! WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!?"  
"BLINK CONCERT!" I said with a massive smile on my face, she sighed  
"Okay, how many tickets?"  
"3 PLEEEEEEEASE!"  
"Sure thing, I'll just call them up and get the tickets"  
"yay! I love you mum"  
"love you too Shaun" she smiled and went to the kitchen, calling up the number and I continued watching TV and thinking, I think Andy will enjoy this. He'll love it. It's on his birthday, how much more perfect could that be? I just can't wait to tell them Monday.

* * *

yay, Monday. Spent the weekend cleaning and doing homework, I just hope Andy's okay. I hope he'll cheer up when I tell him, I really do. I don't think I've ever been so happy for a school day, like, ever. I did the usual daily routine for school and left for school. I feel different. All fuzzy and warm inside I don't know why.  
I got to school and ran to Bradie and Andy "hey, hey guess what?"  
"What?" Andy and Bradie smiled  
"I got us tickets to Blink-182 for Andy's birthday"  
"oh my fucking god, are you serious? Oh my god thank you Shaun I love you" Andy smiled and hugged me tight and then Bradie joined in and we all laughed. I can't wait for blink.

After school we decided to go to Andy's and Bradie's and do whatever. We went to Bradie's room eating some chips.  
"OH MY GOD IT'S SPIDERMAN" I giggled  
"Shut up, Spiderman is epic" Bradie said.  
"oh I know"  
"but that's like me and batman Shaun" Andy added  
"I know" I looked over to Bradie's cupboard "wow, Bradie, you play guitar" I grabbed the guitar and strummed a few chords I learnt in Mr Samuels class last year  
"yeah and don't touch it, it's really expensive" Bradie got up and took it off me  
"he can also play violin and piano" Andy whispered, I giggled  
"show me your violin Bradie" he looked at me with wide eyes  
"Andrew!", Andy burst into laughter not long after I did  
"n-no seriously, show me" I said breathlessly  
"okay" he went to his cupboard and pulled this little case out and took the violin and the bow and started playing a soft little tune  
"wow Bradie, you're actually pretty good"  
"I've been learning for a while"  
"wow"  
"yeah"  
"I might go, we do have that homework and I don't want mum to crack it"  
"then go" Andy smiled at me  
"bye Shaun, see you later" Bradie said  
"bye Shaun!" Andy said  
"bye guys!" I said as I ran out the door, making my way on the bus and then home, I went to my room and thought about how much my life has changed, I don't know if it's good or bad, but I feel more myself this way.


	6. Chapter 6

It's Andy's birthday. You know what that means? BLINK-182. I got into my blink shirt and my jeans and shoes and fixed up my hair, mum drove me up to Andy's and beeped the horn. Andy and Bradie came running out and got in the car.  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!" I smiled, he smiled back  
"thanks Shaun, you're the bestest friend ever"  
"that makes me feel special" I laughed  
"let's gooooo" Bradie butt in  
"I agree" me and Andy both said at the same time and laughed, mum smiled and started driving, we were singing Blink on the way up to the venue, when we got there we jumped out.  
"Thank mum!"  
"Have fun boys" she smiled and walked off, we went and waited in the line for an hour just to get in, we were at the back of the mosh and the stage we were looking up to was massive "come on!" I grabbed Andy's hand and he grabbed Bradie's, we pushed through heaps of people and made it to the front eventually after 10 minutes of sweating.  
"YES! We made it! HIGH FIVE!" Andy laughed and high fived me  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDY!"  
"THANK YOU SO MUCH SHAUN!"  
"IT'S OKAY, ANYTHING FOR MY BEST FRIEND" I smiled. We looked to the stage and saw the guys run out and rock that stage singing "Dammit to "Adams song" and to "All the small things". After the concert we were covered in sweat and happiness, that made us so happy, just to look up to your idols like that is the best feeling in the world. After we got a drink we waited outside for my mum to come.  
"hey guys, we should start a band?"  
"Really?" Andy and Bradie said, laughing a bit  
"yeah, I mean, there's not much to do and we love music so, why not?"  
"yeah, that's a good idea" Andy said  
"who can do what though?" Bradie asked  
"Well, Shanny can play drums well so he can be the drummer and you can play keyboard and guitar and Andy can play bass and I can just sing"  
"you? Sing?" Bradie scoffed  
"I'm not that bad"  
"sing then" said Andy  
I took a deep breath and gulped, starting to sing "All the, small things, true care, truth brings, I'll take, one lift, your ride, best trip, always, I know, you'll be at my sho-"  
"oh my god, Shaun's the singer, enough said" Andy said  
"he still has a high voice though" Bradie said  
"It'll deepen as I get older anyway" I added  
"true that"  
"yeah"  
"Shaun, your mums here" Andy said, we all got up and got in the car "enjoy the concert boys?" "HELL YES!" I yelled "YES!" Bradie said "THANK YOU SO MUCH OH MY GOD!" Andy added, I smiled and mum drove home, we kept discussing about the concert and the band we hadn't named yet, this was going to make me happy, I could tell. We dropped Andy and Bradie off then went home and I went straight to bed. I was way too tired.

3 months since that concert, and it's my birthday tomorrow. Oh sweet 14. We haven't got much shit from Daniel lately. He's been so quite lately. And our band is slowly learning. Bradie's the drummer now, he's fucking awesome at it and now I'm learning guitar and it is a bit harder than I thought and Andy is pretty good at bass now. Andy's coming over soon, I need to show him some new tune I made up, I don't know if I'll write music or anything but we'll see, Andy knocked at my door, I opened it  
"Hey Andy"  
"Hey Shaun, what did you want to show me?"  
"Come, come, come" I grabbed him by the hand and dragged him into my room, I was using Bradie's guitar to do my tune, I started to play my little tune and look at him "So?"  
"I like it" he smirked  
"really?"  
"yeah, write some lyrics up and put in some chords and bam, we've got a song"  
"yay" I smiled, he smiled back.  
"I better go back home though Shaun, it's 9pm and it's your birthday tomorrow"  
"no, no, no. Please stay? Sleep the night?"  
"Where..?"  
"in my bed, I don't mind to share"  
"okay then" he smiled as I did, at 11 I got into my pyjamas and lend some to Andy and we got in my bed "Oh my god, this is squishy" he giggled "oh well, as long as it's nice and warm" I smiled "yep" he smiled and closed his eyes, he fell asleep quickly, he was tired, I just stared at him. He actually made me happy which was different for me, no one ever made me feel this content. I closed my eyes slowly and fell asleep. Excited for the day to come.

I woke up slowly with Andy, Bradie and my mum were in my room, I sat up and rubbed my eyes  
"good morning sunshine" Andy laughed "Happy Birthday" he smiled  
"thanks Andy" I smiled back  
"Happy Birthday Shaun" said my mum and Bradie, I couldn't stop smiling  
"come downstairs Shaun, I got you something" my mum added  
"YAY! Presents!" I jumped out of bed running with my Friends and mum behind me, I saw this big box in my lounge, I ripped the paper off and gasped, it was an electric guitar  
"oh my god mum I love you"  
"don't thank me, thank Andy and Bradie and Gerald when you see him next as well" I had the largest grin on my face "I can't believe you guys!" I smiled and hugged my mum, Andy and then Bradie, scruffing his hair and he pouted as I laughed. This was a good day.

A couple weeks later Bradie and Andy stayed at my place. Andy slept with me in my bed and Bradie slept on the floor. Andy slowly woke up.  
"Good morning" I whispered  
"Morning" he smiled, tiredly  
"how you feeling?"  
"amazing" he yawned, I giggled quietly  
"shut up"  
"never"  
I heard Bradie yawn and I looked down to him  
"morning Bradie"  
"morning"  
"let's get up and eat some breakfast" I said  
"yum" Andy smiled, Bradie got up  
"let's go then" he said. Me and Andy got up and walked to the kitchen and we saw pancakes on the table  
"morning boys"  
"morning" Andy said  
"morning mum"  
"good morning" Bradie said after  
"OOH YUM I'MA EAT A SHORT STACK OF PANCAKES" Andy said. Then it hit me  
"wait…what?"  
"I'ma eats a Short Stack of pancakes?"  
"Short Stack" it just clicked, that was the name of our band, that's the best thing I've thought of.  
"Short Stack…Shaun, is you thinking what I'm thinking?" Bradie asked  
"yes, we are Short Stack"  
"wait, you want to name the band Short Stack?" Andy added  
"yes, it's perfect. I don't know why but it just fits"  
"you're right Shaun" Andy replied  
"then it's settled" Bradie smiled "we're Short Stack.

* * *

officially 14 years and 1 month. Haha creepy. Andy, Bradie and I are going to a youth rock competition for our band; this was it, this was going to get the band somewhere. I heard a beep outside my place, it was Gerald. I left my house, kissing my mum goodbye and went, I was so nervous, I might fuck up. I have no idea. We got out of the car and went to the backstage area, Gerald was recording us, he always does, he's really proud of us, I was so nervous, I went up to the camera "yeah, it's before the show and we're shitting ourselves"  
"this will be worth gold in the years to come, it'll be on your first doco…" I just smiled, this is all so overwhelming. It was our turn we got on that stage, I looked out, it was pitch black, all I could see was the lights behind us, and we did our song but didn't win. This sucked balls.


	7. Chapter 7

Last two weeks for my year 8 years. Fuck. They went fast. I got up and looked at myself in the mirror, fixing it into a punk rock hair style with a straighter and hairspray, it looked rad to me. I really liked it. Our band is much better now, I've written songs. We're doing youth rock next year. Bradie is at home with a cold and I'm bored so Andy's coming over after school.

I ran up to Andy and hugged him "RAWR!" I laughed  
"oh my god Shaun you scared me"  
"hehehe, I'm so bored"  
"me too"  
"want to walk?  
"Sure" I smiled and we started walking and talking about music, and laughing and being retarded to teachers.  
"Can I show you something?"  
"okay, what?" I replied  
"come" Andy grabbed my hand and pulled me into that so called "haunted" bathroom  
"you see that red stain on the tile there" he pointed to it  
"y-yeah.."  
"that's my blood" he looked down, I put my hand on his back to comfort him and then I felt two people pull my back, holding me tight, I was screaming but they covered my mouth.  
"SHAUN!" Andy came to help me then Daniel came and punched his stomach, I watched him fall to the floor, I burst into tears, I was struggling to move, I just watched as I struggled to get out, crying heavily.  
"you're such a gay cunt with your boyfriend Shaun over there you're so fucking fat, you're nothing" he said to Andy, slapping him across the face then kicking his balls and threw him across the room into the tile, Andy fell to the ground and Daniel picked him up by the hair and punched his eye, I struggled, kicked and screamed, getting out of there reach and went to run and then Daniel pulled me by the arm, slamming me into the wall.  
"where do you think you're going, pretty boy" he punched me right in the gut which made me groan, I looked to the side at Andy through my tears, he looked helpless "I-I don't know where I'm going but I know you're going to hell" he punched me in the nose "FUCK!" I screamed and sobbed, I lifted my leg and kneed his balls, running out of there as fast as I could with Daniel's friends running behind me, I ran to the front office and burst into tears "D-Daniel a-and his friends just bashed m-me and my best friend Andy up, p-please help"  
"oh good god, I'll call the ambulance you sit over there dear"  
"n-no! Daniel is still with Andy in the bathroom that no one goes in!"  
"He'll be okay" I shook my head, I was shaking, I want Andy. I want him safe. He's my best friend I can't take this. I ran back out to find Daniel right there; I started to back away until I bumped into someone…the principal "OI, ALL THREE OF YOU BOYS IN MY OFFICE NOW!" I just ran, past them, I wanted to know Andy was okay, I ran in there and kneeled down next to Andy, he looked at me so hurt. "A-Andy you'll be okay" he just groaned, I burst into more tears how could I let this happen? This is my entire fault. A few minutes later the ambulance came in and took Andy, mum came and picked me up, and I'm still crying and shaking. I want to die. I got home and ran to my room. "SHAUN!?"  
"L-LEAVE ME ALONE!" I slammed my door and sat on my bed crying, I slowly walked out of my room later, mum wasn't around, I quickly ran to the kitchen and looked through the draw and grabbed a Stanley knife, quickly running back to my room, I took the blade out and stared at it through my tears for at least 5 minutes. I had to think, I slid my pants down and sat on my bed, and pressed it lightly to my skin 'c'mon Shaun, you know you deserve it' I said to myself, I quickly pushed hard and swiped it across my leg and quickly bit my lip, trying not to scream "f-fuck!" I dropped the blade and quickly pushed my hand on the cut, blood went all over my hand "s-shit", I cried in pain and quickly got up, running to the bathroom with blood running down my leg, I turned the shower on and put my leg I, washing the blood, I sobbed heavily, I remembered Andrew, I had to watch my best friend get tortured. This is the worst feeling ever. But the cut relieved my pain, I pulled my leg out, it was stinging like crazy. I wrapped a bandage around my thigh and ran back to my room putting my pyjamas on and got in bed. I want to sleep and never wake up.

I woke up slowly and sighed. At least it's a Saturday; I listened to my iPod and watched tv in my room until I heard a knock on the door.  
"m-mhm?"  
"we have to go see Andy" my mum said  
I sighed as I tried not to cry "be there in a minute"  
"okay darling, I'll be in the car"  
"Okay" I got up and put my jeans on, hissing softly as it passed my thigh, I put a shirt on and washed my face and slowly went out to the car, breathing deeply. I got in and put my seat belt on, looking out the window, I heard mum sigh as she pulled out, driving away.  
We got to Andy's place, I got out of the car and walked in looking down  
"hey Gerald, how is he?" my mum asked  
"he's just in his room relaxing" Gerald replied  
"Shaun, go see Andy"  
"h-huh? Mum..."  
"He's your best friend, go..."  
"Okay" I bit my lip and walked down the hallway and knocked his door  
"who is it" I heard a soft voice  
"I-It's me"  
"oh, come in"  
I slowly opened the door and I swear I could burst into tears right then and there, he looked so hurt  
"hi Shaun…"  
"Hey" I bit my lip and took a deep breath as I went and sat on his bed  
"how are you feeling?" he asked me  
"I'm fine. Absolutely fine, all that matters is you, are you okay?" he smiled slightly  
"you're so kind Shaun and yeah, I'm okay, just sore"  
"okay, all that matters is that you get better"  
"yeah"  
I sighed shakily  
"are you okay Shaun?" he asked  
"I-I don't know, lately I've been a bit weird. I feel funny"  
"what do you mean 'you feel funny'"  
"don't worry, probably just a part of growing up"  
"hmm okay"  
I just looked at him, right in the eyes, I have no idea why, he just looked so hurt, I wanted him to be better, I hated him being hurt.  
"SHAUN, HONEY WE'RE GOING" I heard my mum yell, I sighed "I have to go Andy, text me if you have to" I went to hug him but I didn't want him to hurt so I stroked his hair softly, biting my lip "okay Shaun, see you later"  
"bye Andrew" I walked out of his room and said bye to Gerald and Bradie then went with mum to the car, going home. What was this funny feeling I had? It's confusing me.


	8. Chapter 8

year 9 now, so much harder than I expected but I can do it. Me and Andy are recovered now and Daniel and his friends were expelled. Today is Friday and after school me and Shannon are going to Bradie and Andy's for a 'sleepover' it sounds gay but it's actually just to jam and shit. I'm in math right now, my Indian teacher is just rambling on about Integers as I daydream, I'll just copy homework from the back of the book. Suddenly the bell went, I walked out and went to my locker, opening it and putting my books in and grabbing my sandwich and Bradie came a second later, putting his stuff away  
"hey Bradie"  
"Hey Shaun"  
"have you got a drum beat for Goodbye yet?"  
"I'm trying to make a beat to match the guitar, Andy's going well with the bass"  
"that's good, we'll try it out tonight"  
"yep" he smiled and then Andy came running to us "GUYS, GUYS, GUYS"  
"what Andy?" Bradie asked  
"Mr Philips was perving up Jessica's skirt. Oh my god, I'm glad I'm not a girl"  
I laughed "oh my god Andy hahaha"  
"shut up, she doesn't even know, I just looked at her and he 'dropped' a pencil the leaned down to grab it and then he took a photo with his phone up her skirt"  
"that's fucked"  
"agreed" Bradie added

Later all four of us walked to Andy and Bradie's and went to the practice room.  
"Andy, show me the bass"  
"oh okay" Andy said, picking up his bass, he plugged it in and turned up the volume, playing a little bass line, I sung it in my head. It was perfect  
"YES ANDY THAT'S IT OH MY GOD"  
"really?!"  
"Yes! Oh my god"  
"yay" we laughed  
"Bradie's got something!" Shannon yelled  
"show us Bradie" I said  
"okay" he half smiled and starting doing a beat and I smirked "perfect" I said  
"we should play this at youth rock" Andy said, I looked at him  
"I think that's the smartest thing you've said all day" said Bradie, he looked back at me and smiled, I smiled back, we have to practice so hard for this to work.

Later we all migrated to Bradie's room; he has more room in his room than Andy. Andy's room is a mess. we all sat on his Spiderman cover bed and ate a bag or chicken chips as we watched a movie.  
"I'm bored" Shannon said  
"me too" Bradie said  
"same" added Andy  
"what do you want to do" I said  
"let's play truth or dare" said Shannon  
"okay, that sounds fun"  
we all sat in a circle on the bed as the TV was on in the background. We dared Bradie to lick his dirty underwear and dared Shannon to go knick-knocking on Bradie and Andy's parent's door, dared me to do a funny dance and made Andy kick himself in the head and surprisingly, he did. Shannon whispered something into Bradie's ear, he giggled "oh my god, do it"  
"okay" Shannon looked at me and Andy "I dare you two to fake make out"  
"h-huh?" Andy said, I just stared at Shannon, my mind is blank, what is happening  
"you heard me, stand up in the middle of the room and pretend to make out"  
"b-"  
"a dare is a dare Andy"  
"okay, come on Shaun" I suddenly snapped back to life "h-huh, oh…" we both got up into the middle of the room and looked at each other  
"now how do we do this?" I questioned  
"okay um, slide your leg up my thigh"  
"what?" he rolled his eyes and grabbed me from behind the thigh and dragged my leg up the side of his till it was my thigh on his, I curled my leg around his and smirked, giggling, this was so awkward  
"now what?" I asked, he bit his lip and ran his fingers up the back of my hair, giggling softly, pressing our heads together, I moved my hands to his upper back, holding myself to him, we both giggled and rocked back and forth a bit so it looked like we were kissing, he tilted his head a bit and then it happened, our lips touched, my stomach filled of butterflies, we stopped moving and stared into each other's eyes. What just happened? I quickly pulled away "What now?" they both started to laugh.  
"that was so gay" Shan snickered, Bradie was laughing.  
"shut up, you asked for it, now what do we do?" Andy asked  
"SLEEP!" Bradie smiled, I bit my lip "that sounds like a good idea" said Shannon  
"yeah, you and Andy go to his room and sleep, we'll sleep here"  
"okay" I said quickly, going into Andy's room, Andy followed and closed the door.  
"Andy, turn around, I'm getting changed"  
"okay" he turned around as I quickly got changed and then I turned around as he changed. It felt awkward. But it felt different. I felt fuzzy and warm. I can't have feelings for Andy, can I? We both got in his bed, we were facing each other, and he kept his eyes closed.  
"Goodnight Shaun" he yawned  
"n-night" I bit my lip and stared at him, his lips were soft. Amazing almost, maybe if our lips locked for longer it would have been more amazing, I closed my eyes and drifted softly to sleep.

* * *

ANDY P.O.V

it's been about 5 months since me and Shaun's little inccident. Truth is, I think I like him, like a lot. It would explain the feelings I got when he was with Stacey. But I think he's too straight to ever be gay. In these 5 months we have been practicing Shaun's song "Goodbye" and it sounds epic. And we're performing it any minute now.  
"I hope we win this time, we've practiced so hard" Shaun said  
"I know, plus it's not a cover, we should get more points for that" Bradie added  
"exactly"  
I sat there and fiddled with my fingers, I was so nervous, I don't want to fuck up. I want to get something right for once in my life. Gerald came backstage suddenly "Come on boys, your turn" I took a deep breath and Bradie went out first and sat at the drums as me and Shaun stood in our places and then we started playing, '1,2,3,4' I was counting as I played the bass. Our performance was amazing, better than last year. Then all of a sudden, Shaun's guitar backfired, fuck, what do I do, I looked over at him, he was playing but the guitar was failing, Gerald quickly ran on with someone else's guitar, as they fixed it I decided to do a little jig on stage, moving around and dance, laughing at Bradie because he was embarrassed and then I heard 'Strum, strum, strum' yes! I quickly moved back to my spot and we continued the song until the end. We went backstage and started shouted profanity "WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING ANDY?!" Bradie yelled  
"I WAS BEING ENTERTAINING COMPARED TO YOUR SHITTY LITTLE DRUMMING"  
"YOU'RE SO EMBARRASING!"  
"FUCK OFF!"  
"GRR!"  
Shaun ran in with his old guitar and threw it on the floor "Fucking piece of shit!" I threw my bass down, I was angry, I was helping but Bradie blamed it all on me. It was Shaun's guitar. Fuck. Moments later all the bands had to come on stage as they called the winner  
"and the winner is…" the guy said into the microphone, Shaun grabbed my hand tight, we both bit our lip. "SHORT STACK!" we couldn't believe it, we smiled big and ran to the front, grabbing the award. This was the most amazing feeling ever.


	9. Chapter 9

SHAUN P.O.V

Year 11. Wow, the years have gone by so fast. The band is getting somewhere finally. We're recording our own album; we've named it "One Size Fits All" because I think that's pretty cool but we only have a couple songs so far for it. That moment between me and Andy, I still think about it…all the time…but it wouldn't happen, he seems to have forgotten about it. I'm on my way to Andy and Bradie's right now hoping a can chill and practice. I got to the door and knocked at the door. Andy answered the door.  
"Hey Shaun, what are you doing here?"  
"I just thought we should practice a bit, I know we probably don't need to because we're getting better, like a lot but I thought we should"  
"oh, well Bradie is at Shan's"  
"oh…do you mind if we chill anyway? Like, stay the night? My brothers piss me off and yeah"  
"oh yeah, okay"  
"thanks" we both smiled and I walked in, crashing on the couch "where's your mum and Gerald?" I asked  
"they're away for the weekend, but they trusted me to be home alone and look after Bradie" he laughed  
"lucky, mum would never let that happen to me"  
"sucks to be you"  
I laughed slightly "yeah…"  
"I'm hungry, want to order pizza?"  
"You WORK at a pizza shop, why would you want pizza?"  
"Because I don't want to cook and it doesn't take that long"  
"haha okay"  
Andy went and called the pizza place and ordered our pizza and then I suddenly remembered  
"OOH, Andy, gimme the phone, I need to call the local pub thing to ask if we can be on the show"  
"oh yeah!" he passed me the phone, I put the number in and called up asking to put us on the show, they said they'd think about it.

The doorbell rang, Andy went to the door and grabbed our pizza and paid.  
"do you wanna eat in my room"  
"sure, why not" we went up to his room and watched TV as we sat on his bed, eating the pizza  
"this is good pizza" I said suddenly  
"I've cooked better" he scoffed  
"oh, sure, sure boy. You keep thinking that"  
"I do, I could run a fucking mafia!" we both laughed and continued eating and watching TV, I wasn't really watching. I was thinking about Andy, how only a couple years ago he was nearly bashed to death. I had to tell him how I felt. Will it cause more harm this way? Or will everything work out. I don't know but I have to try.  
"H-Hey Andy…"  
"Yeah Shaun?" he looked at me; I looked down  
"do you remember when we fake made out and our lips touched? W-Well" I looked up at him "I think I have feelings for you…Andy…" I felt myself go red hot in the face and my stomach fill with butterflies "Sh-Shaun, I-I do, have feelings for you"  
"really?"  
"Yes, you make me happy and everything just…I don't know, you're the reason I'm here right now" I smiled big, so did he.  
"Can I just do something?" he asked  
"sure" he smiled and leaned over to me, my heart started beating faster, I stayed completely still, he got closer and closer, I felt his breath on my lips, it felt amazing, I closed my eyes, as did he as his lips touched mine, I kissed him soft and slow, he put his hand on my cheek, kissing me back on the same motion, we sat there kissing for 5 minutes. The best 5 minutes of my life, this kiss WAS my proper first kiss, I didn't feel anything with Stacey but with Andy, it felt right. His lips were amazing, he slid his hand to my waist, laying me down and running his hand through my hair, I slid my hands to his upper back, he kept kissing slowly but more passionate. It felt so wrong but it felt so right, our breathing got deeper as he slid his tongue along my bottom lip, I opened my mouth, running my tongue around his, I was finding it hard not to moan so loud right now, we laid there making out for ten minutes and then he kissed my lips lightly once more and pulled away "it's getting late…" he said  
"your lips are amazing" I said, he smiled "your eyes are even more amazing, I had to say it" I smiled big  
"I'm tired…"  
"Same actually, making out with you made me tired" I giggled, he smiled and got off me, quickly changing, I just took off my pants and left my boxers on, getting in bed, he got in next to me.  
"can I hold you?" he asked  
"yes, for as long as you like…" he smiled and pulled me close, closing his eyes as I closed mine "Goodnight Shauny…" he said softly, kissing my head. Shauny? That's new.  
"Goodnight Andy" I smiled big and we laid there cuddling until we slowly fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Andy is simply amazing. We've been together for two weeks and it's the most amazing thing ever. We haven't told anyone yet, having a secret relationship is hard. I don't know why he doesn't want to tell anyone. I want to tell the world how I feel but instead of got a heart full of bottled up emotions. We've been going around giving the CD we recorded to people at local schools and ask them to burn the CD and pass it on to their friends. Andy was coming over soon, I couldn't wait but Bradie is coming later. We have to drive up to the pub tomorrow to perform because the place is letting us; luckily Andy knows how to drive. I heard a knock at the door, I went to answer it then mum did, it was Andy  
"oh, Hey Andy" mum said  
"hey" he looked over at me and smiled "Hi Shaun"  
"Hey Andy" I smiled back  
"you boys go have fun, I'll order pizza. Is Bradie coming?"  
"yeah, he'll be around later, he's at his mums right now" Andy said  
"okay then" she smiled and closed the door as Andy walked in and we walked to my room, he walked to my bed as I closed the door, locking it, I looked at him as he looked back at me, I felt my heart race, I ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I closed my eyes and hugged him lovingly, kissing his neck lightly.  
"I've been waiting forever to hold you" he whispered  
"I love you…" shit, what did I just say. It's only been two weeks. I mean, I do love him but I don't want to scare him away.  
"I-…I love you too Shaun" I got instant butterflies, I looked him right in the eyes and smiled, he stroked my cheek softly "you're amazing Shaun"  
"you are even more amazing"  
"never"  
"forever"  
"no"  
"yes"  
"no"  
"yes"  
"n-" I felt his lips hit mine, we moved into the kiss and kept kissing each other soft and slow, I ran my fingers down his neck as he clenched onto my shirt, the kiss got more passionate and lovingly amazing until we heard a knock on the door, we broke apart.  
"Who is it?" I asked, breathless  
"Bradie"  
"oh, come in"  
"it's locked…"  
"Oh…right" I opened the door and looked him  
"Bradie…why are you wearing a Spiderman mask?  
"Mum brought me it"  
"oh my god you nerd" Andy laughed  
"shut up Andrew"  
"make me"  
"can you guys quit it?" I laughed "you're being pathetic Bradie"  
"what about Andy!?"  
"Andy did nothing wrong"  
"yeah" Andy smirked  
"I hate you guys…" Bradie said flatly  
"awww, let's give Bradie a hug" I giggled and run toward Bradie, wrapping my arms around him and then Andy joined  
"ah, dying" Bradie said  
"sorry" we laughed and got off him.

These moments were so hard, to resist the urge of touching Andy, holding his hand, kissing his cheek. It was so hard not too, why was Bradie here? Why couldn't he have come tomorrow? Later we had to go to bed, me and Andy slept in the bed as Bradie slept on the mattress on the floor. Andy looked into my eyes and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers under the covers, I smiled and looked back in his, mouthing the words 'I Love you' he mouthed the words 'I Love you too' back, he closed his eyes as did I, still holding this beautiful man's hand.

I woke up to Andy's beautiful face staring at me, I smiled and looked into his eyes  
"good morning" I whispered  
"morning" he whispered back and smiled, he leaned in slowly and as our lips touched we heard a yawn. Shit. I pulled away and breathed deeply.  
"morning Bradie"  
"morning guys"  
"morning" Andy said flatly. I sighed  
"how you guys doing?"  
"Amazing" I smiled into Andy's eyes  
"same. Amazing" Andy said, staring back into my eyes.  
Later we got up and at breakfast and then we got ready, we are going to our fist gig today. We got to the place and set up Bradie's drums and tuned our bass and guitar to make them ready.  
"What's the name of your band so we can put it on the blackboard?" the manager asked  
"Short Stack" I smiled  
"sweet, thanks" he went and did what he had to do. I am so nervous.  
"Babe, we have to rehearse" I heard that sweet voice in my ear, I turned around  
"h-huh…? Andy you shouldn't call me babe with Bradie and stuff around"  
"I'm sorry but you're beautiful"  
I blushed "shh" I got my guitar and stood at my microphone  
"what are we practicing first?" asked Bradie  
"Before Angels Fall?"  
"Sounds good" Andy added. We smiled and started playing, my stomach was full of nervous butterflies, and I felt so happy with my life right now.

It was time to play. We were backstage looking out to the crowd from the side. I wanted to squeal from the excitement.  
"These 3 boys are new here; let's see what they're like. Introducing SHORT STACK!"  
Bradie went and sat at the drums as me and Andy went to our places. We started playing the tune as I started singing. This was amazing, there are so many people. They were all cheering us on. I feel so content with life right now, performing, Andy. Just everything. After we played our set we packed up and headed home, dropping me off at my place, I went up to my room with my guitar and sighed. I just want to be in Andrew's arms again.

we've been playing shows for five months. I've been with Andy for five months and two weeks, is it bad that I'm counting? I don't care; I'm so deeply and madly in love with him. I don't want to ever want to break up with him. I love him and I don't care what people think.

We're performing another show soon; we're actually the main "show" now. Played the same 4 or 5 songs every weekend, I've also been writing up a few more tunes but it's hard with school and stuff, it's hard not to get too close to Andy, it's hard to concentrate on homework but I get there, I get in trouble a lot but blame it all on Bradie. Right now I'm in the bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, fixing my hair. I'm stoked. Andy said he wants to come to my place tonight and Bradie was going to his mums. Yes, finally some time for me and Andy to cuddle and hold each other and just…oh my god…I've fallen so hard, I love Andrew Clemmensen.

After the show we went backstage and were smiling from that amazing show, and then a British man with a woman next to him who seemed to be his wife.  
"Hello, are you Short Stack"  
"yes, we are" I said  
"I enjoyed your show tonight and you've got a good personality" he smiled and passed us a car with his name and number with 'Sunday Morning Records' at the top, I smiled uncontrollably  
"call me"  
"will do" I smiled as he smiled and walked off, I turned to Bradie and Andy  
"CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?!"  
"Oh my god Shaun I love you!" Andy said out of the blue  
"Oh my god Andy! We got a thing for a record label!"  
"I can't believe this" Bradie said, grabbing the card, me and Andy stared at each other in happiness, smiling, this was perfect; this was going to get our band further.

Andy dropped Bradie off at his place so his mum could pick him up as he drove to my place, we got out and went to open the door but it was locked.  
"Fuck, it's locked"  
"spare key?" Andy reminded me  
"oh yeah" I lifted the mat and took the key out, unlocking the door and walking in.  
"MUM, LUKE, LIAM, ANYONE!?" I yelled out, no reply, Andy walked in and I turned to him, smirking slightly, he locked the door and ran to me, putting his hand on my cheek and started kissing me deeply, I closed my eyes tight, kissing him back in the same motion, I slid my leg up the side of his, he held my thigh there and grabbed my other leg, sliding both my legs to his hips, I wrapped my arms around his neck, he backed me into a wall and kissed me more passionately which made me groan, I slid my tongue along his bottom lip, he opened his mouth, battling with my tongue slowly, I exhaled softly, running my hand through the back of his hair, he carried me to my room, we both giggled as we bumped into the wall, he kicked open the door and closed it, laying me on the bed and he got on top of me, making out with me passionately, he kissed his way down my cheek to my neck, sucking it softly, massaging the spot with his tongue "o-oh Andy.." I moaned softly, he grinded his crotch slightly on mine whilst kissing my neck. I started to get hard. Fuck. He moaned into my ear, his moans were amazing; he pulled away and looked into my eyes, his crotch still grinded on mine.  
"That feels amazing" he smirked, I bit my lip  
"how do we fix it?"  
"Like this?" he slowly started dry humping my hard crotch with his, I moaned loudly "oh fuck…"  
"M-mhm…" He kissed me lightly, I put my hand on his cheek and kept kissing him slowly with tongue and clenched my eyes tighter with each grind, moaning loudly with him in unison. We made out deeply and passionate with him grinding me until it happened, I felt my stomach knot, I tilted my head back and let out a soft orgasm as he bit my neck and did the same "a-ah!", I started to pant and moan and then I suddenly came in my pants "o-oh shit…" Andy moaned and slowly stopped and pulled away "f-fuck, I just came" he blushed  
"me too, does this mean I'm no longer a virgin" I giggled breathlessly, blushing  
"I don't know but I don't care. I wanted to lose my virginity to the most beautiful man I know"  
"oh my god…I love you"  
"I love you too" I smiled  
"now what do we do about our pants?"  
"We change!" I giggled  
"the way you go from sexy to cute in a matter of seconds is amazing"  
"shut up" I blushed, he smiled and got up, grabbing his bag and went to the bathroom, I quickly got changed, and I think I may have to clean my own washing this week. Andy came running back in and grabbed me from around the waist; I squealed "ah!"  
"If only this could be forever" he smiled  
"let it be forever, I love you"  
"I will, I love you too"  
We kissed once more, longingly and softly. I never want this to end.


	11. Chapter 11

_**2 months later**_

I walked to my locker and put my books away from English, thinking of what I could write about. Every song I write I have to put 'she' or 'her' or 'girl' instead of 'boy' or 'him' or 'his'. I looked to my right to see Andy coming up to me with a camera  
"what are you doing?" I asked  
"I'm filming for Short Stack TV"  
"you're going to get in trouble for recording you know"  
"no I won't"  
"Clemmensen. Camera away, now" Ms Willis said  
"told you"  
"shut up" he turned it off  
"I love you" I whispered  
"I love you too" he smiled  
I smiled and got my lunch as Bradie came "guys, we're making music with keyboard and drums now, I can't do both, we need someone else" then it came to me "Luke…"  
"What?"  
"Luke, you know, my brother"  
"oh, he plays piano?"  
"yes" I laughed  
"oh…I'll go ask him, thanks Shaun"  
"no problem" I smiled as he walked away and closed my locker, I didn't even feel hungry so I threw my sandwich in the bin.  
"What was that for?" Andy said  
"what? I'm not hungry"  
"you'll be hungry later"  
"yeah" then I whispered "for you…" and giggled, you could see the shade of crimson in his cheeks.  
"Shh, save that for after school"  
"after school?"  
"yeah, I wanna kiss you, cuddle you and tell you how much I love you…In a portable…after school"  
"oh I see, I see" I giggled  
"now be quite"  
"sure thing buckaroo" we both giggled.

After school Andy and I quickly ran to the portables at the back of the school, we went up those three steps and he held me close and stroked my cheek, I looked into his beautiful eyes  
"I love you so much…" said Andy  
"I love you too baby…"  
He leaned in and kissed my lips, those soft beautiful lips. I kissed him lightly and smiled  
"Shouldn't we go before the school closes"  
"yeah.." he frowned slightly and kissed my cheek  
"come 'ere" I pulled him close and hugged him tight, clenching my eyes shut, he hugged me back tight and then broke apart  
"I fucking love you Shaun, I know I say it all the time but it's true…"  
"I love you too Andrew and I do it too so it's okay" I giggled, he leaned in and kissed my lips deeply, I kissed him back deep and slow, I felt my heart skip a beat, he pulled away.  
"you're amazing" I said, he smiled and took me by the hand, walking me out of the school  
"come on"  
We stopped holding hands as we exited the school and just talked about music and about everything else and then I looked up. Fuck my life.  
"A-Andy, run"  
"what?" he looked at me, I directed my eyes to Daniel coming our way  
"oh god… come on" he grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around, we started running until I felt someone pull us back by the shirts.  
"Looks like I was right about you gay cunts"  
"w-what?" I said, I looked at Andy, he looked terrified  
"I saw you too hugging and smooching in the portable you faggots" he pushed us to the ground, I grazed my arm on the footpath, Andy just sat there quiet, shaking slightly.  
"You're such a homophobe! Who cares if me and him were kissing! We're in love!"  
He kicked my stomach hard, I groaned.  
"Shut up fat ass" He grabbed Andy by the shirt, lifting him up  
"you're such a pussy; you just sit there like you're nothing. Oh that's right. You are nothing. Worthless prick" Andy burst into tears, my heart started to ache  
"LET HIM GO!" I pulled Andy by the legs and he fell on top of me, I held him and then I saw Daniels friends coming. Fuck.  
"you're pathetic losers, at least I've got my boys to help me" he smirked and ripped Andy out of my arms and kneed his balls as Daniel's friends pinned me up against a fence and punched my gut, I groaned in pain, they punched my face over and over, my vision went blurry, where was Andy, I burst into tears and they kicked my legs, throwing me on the ground and I watched them walk away as I slowly passed out.

I suddenly woke up in my room, my mum was sitting on my bed  
"m-…mum?"  
"You feeling okay Shaun?"  
"Y-Yeah, my face is just numb and my stomach is sore. Where…where's Andy?"  
"He's at his place, he didn't get as badly hurt, he ran away. I'm so sorry baby"  
"I wanna see Andy…" I was trying so hard not to cry right now.  
"He's at home"  
"I'll go see him then" I went to sit up and then moaned from the pain  
"shh baby, I'll ask if he can come over"  
"o-okay…"  
"Just rest up…please Shaun"  
"okay mum" she half smiled and got up, walking out of my room. What have I done…?  
I closed my eyes and didn't realize I had fallen back asleep until mum woke me  
"Shaun, Andy's here" my eyes shot wide open, I looked to my door and saw him limp in, I felt that heartache feeling again as mum walked out, closing the door.  
"Andy…"  
"I'm so sorry Shaun"  
"w-why are you sorry? It's not your fault"  
"I-…never mind…as long as you're safe"  
I looked into his eyes for a good minute, fuck. "Andy, I love you"  
"I love you too Shaun, always" he sniffed  
"are you okay?"  
"I-...I could have lost you Shaun"  
"you would never lose me, I'm stronger than that…"  
"But still"  
"S-Shut up and kiss me"  
"I'll hurt you"  
"no"  
"Shaun, please…"  
"Please what?"  
"Don't act like this? I want you better; I don't want to kiss you when you're filled with pain"  
"please? I want you…to kiss me…"  
he sighed limp over to me, leaning down and kissing my lips, I took a deep breath and kissed him back lightly. He was right. I'm in too much pain to feel.  
"I love you Shaun…"  
"I love you more…"  
"no"  
"yes"  
"never"  
"always"  
"I'm not going to believe that" he said, I smiled. He's amazing.  
"ANDY! YOUR MUM'S HERE!" I heard Liam shout, I frowned. The best facial expression I could do right now.  
Andy sighed "I have to go, I'll see you when you get better Shaun, I love you…"  
"I love you too Andy…"  
and then he walked out, I closed my eyes. I just wanted sleep. I was sick of this pain.

* * *

It's been 2 weeks since the incident…I'm healed, only slight scars, Andy's better but he's acting weird…he's not acting the same around me, he seems sad but I'm perfectly fine. I just want him to hold me, forever like he promised. I saw him approach me like every day so we could walk to the lockers, I smiled, and he didn't smile back. He just walked on, I followed.  
"Andy…"  
"Yeah?"  
"Why are you acting…funny?"  
"I'm not? What are you on about"  
"this" I hugged him with one arm and he pushed me off  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"  
"S-See what I mean?"  
He sighed "I haven't changed Shaun…"  
"I want you to love me" I whispered in his ear  
"not now…"  
"What about tomorrow?"  
"No"  
"the next day?"  
"No"  
"weekend?"  
"No"  
I felt like breaking down right then and there, why is he acting like this.  
"Andy"  
"Shaun"  
"I love you"  
"I love you too"  
"prove it"  
"not now"  
I'm pissed off, is he just playing with my heart now? What does he want; I stormed off from him and went to my locker, putting my things away. I want to be alone, I grabbed my lunch money and went to the canteen, buying a packet of hot chips and went to the portable were we last had a proper hug; I sat there and ate my chips. I don't care if he's looking for me, if Bradie is or if Shannon is. I want to be alone; I finished my chips and pulled out my iPod, closing my eyes, listening to my music which seems to be the only thing understanding me right now. I faintly heard the bell ring. I sighed and took my iPod off and went to my locker. Luckily I have a free period now; I took my homework and put it in my bag. Then I felt someone near by, I turned to see Andrew.  
"Shaun, I love you"  
"o-okay…"  
"Shaun"  
"what Andy?! Don't you have a class to attend?" I felt my eyes glaze over with tears, I felt so neglected  
"I-…I'm going home early today…did you want me to drop you off?"  
"Okay whatever, I'll meet you at your car"  
"okay babe, I love you"  
"I love you more…"  
He walked away, going to his car, I hit my head on the locker and burst into tears, I've been getting the same shit from him the same two weeks. What was he doing to me? I fucking love him with all I've got. I wiped my eyes quickly and put my bag on my back, breathing deeply. Stop letting it get to you Shaun. I made my way out to Andy's car, getting in.  
"Shaun"  
"what?"  
"Look at me"  
I turned my head to him, he quickly put his hand on my cheek and kissed me deeply, I kissed him back and clenched my eyes shut. His kisses were amazing to resist. He pulled away, I stared at him.  
"That's all I wanted" he smiled slightly  
"okay"  
He sighed shakily and started the car, I looked out the window all the way home. We got to my place.  
"I love you Andy…"  
"I love you too Shaun"  
"Forever? Right?"  
"…yes" he said unsure  
I just got out and slammed the door, running inside. I feel broken and he hasn't even dumped me yet.  
"Hey Shaun, how was school" mum asked as I walked in  
"yeah, fine, perfect, whatever" I said, going to my room, I lied on my bed, staring at the roof and turned my iPod on, listening to music from Blink-182 to My Chemical Romance. I listened to I'm Not Okay (I promise) on replay, I felt my pillow vibrate from underneath me and pulled my phone out, I had a text from Andy "_**babe, I'm coming over soon…I need to speak to you…love you**__**x**__"_ I sighed and replied "_**okay baby. I love you too xx**_" and then put my phone away, just waiting for him to walk in. Later I heard a knock on the door.  
"Hmm?"  
"It's Andy"  
"come in…"  
He came in and closed the door, sitting next to me on the bed  
"Shaun, I really do love you"  
I looked at him "then why are you treating me like trash?"  
"Because" he looked down, I sat up  
"w-..why?"  
He took a deep breath "Kiss me first…" I put my hand on his cheek; he looked into my eyes sadly. Like, he had to do something because it was eating him up inside, he leaned in as did I, we closed our eyes as our lips touched, I moved into the kiss were my lips fitted perfectly with his, we kissed soft and slow, slowly getting deeper into the kiss and more passionate. He took a deep shaky breath and pulled away.  
"I love you"  
"I-I love you too Andy…"  
"Shaun" he looked into my eyes, I saw tears glaze over them  
"w-what Andy"  
'w-we…we…us…no…it can't happen anymore, I-I love you I do! B-but I can't stand seeing you harmed, I-I can't stand being hurt"  
tears escaped my eyes"A-Andy no!"  
He started to cry heavily as did I "I-I want u-us…s-so bad but it can't. It-it just can't…"  
"b-but I LOVE YOU!"  
"S-Sh Shaun, I l-love you too, I do, I really do b-but I can't take this anymore, I don't want you hurt anymore"  
"y-you're hurting me right now!"  
"a-and it'll be the last time"  
"Andy…" I sobbed  
"I-I have to go…c-can we be friends…f-for the sake of us…the band…the fans"  
I nodded "y-you'll always be my best friend…"  
"o-okay. Can I have a hug?"  
"m-mhm" I jumped onto him slowly, wrapped my arms around his neck, clenching my eyes tight. I had so much pain in my chest and my gut feels dead. I love Andy, I always will. He wrapped his arms around me, that one last loving hug. That one last perfect kiss, I shall remember it forever. He pulled away and sniffed, wiping his eyes.  
"I have to go…"  
"o-okay"  
"I-…see you later…"  
"m-mhm"  
He smiled slightly but with a frown, walking out. This was all Daniels fault. I got up, still in tears and went through my drawers. Where did I put it? I looked and looked and then I found it. That shiny silver blade that was as sharp as a shark tooth. I pulled my pants down and sat on my bed, holding it to my thigh; I quickly swiped as hard as I could. Crimson started pulsing out, it felt good. It relieved the pain I deserved. I quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, washing it off then pulled my pants up and then it all came rushing back to me. The whole relationship, the break up, the pain. I burst into tears and punched the wall. Why me? What did I ever do? So what, I fell for my best friend, so what if he's a guy? So what if I'm different?…so what if I'm worthless? So what if I'm in pain? No one cares…no one…I ran back into my room and laid back down on my bed, acting as if nothing happened, but the thoughts were still there. My heart was aching my gut was empty and my thigh stung like hell. I started humming….humming a tune I just came up with then I suddenly sung "this so called 'romance' never wanted me…" then I got up and grabbed my song writing book, I hummed to myself again and wrote down 'this so called romance, never wanted me' then I kept humming and more words kept rushing to my head then it hit me I realized I was humming the same tune of when I wrote 'Sometimes' only a week or so ago I took out all of the things that had so much impact on bleeding and being in pain because of love such as 'cut so deep till I bleed' and 'we used to laugh, we used to cry, I took the tear drops from her eyes, I saw her face so I broke inside again'. These lyrics were so raw. As much as I loved my original, I didn't like it I looked at the paper, I sung softly as I wrote "t-take your advice 'cause I-it's easy to see, this so called 'romance' n-never, wanted me, I-If only tonight and only tonight you're right back here, I-I swear I'll cut, till crimson falls, over the bedroom walls" I stared at it as tears started to fall again and then I continued to sing and write "s-so will you lay me down, tonight" remembering that first kiss, when he laid me down and kissed me so deeply and lovingly, I burst into more tears and continued "a-and we'll be better off, today" and then I remembered to the beginning. When I told him I had feelings for him, I wrote and sung again "and I would die, if you never got to know." Then I remember him saying that we can't be together because he doesn't want us to be hurt, I burst into more tears and wrote "but would it do, more harm this way". I stared at it for a long time. I kept staring at it and writing more on to it. It builded up and up. Almost every line meant something; I was still in tears as all this happened. But my mind was focused on a song. My forbidden love story which was my twisted love story. I stared at what I just wrote and started to sing softly  
"In this place we lie, cutting slightly in vain.  
Hoping and praying you'll remember my name" I smiled slightly and sniffed. Remembering the first day I met him, thinking and hoping that he'd remember me.  
"if only tonight and only tonight you're right back here I swear I'm done" I felt my eyes glaze with tears again, remembering how he had treated me for the past few weeks. I took a deep breath and continued.  
"Take your advice 'cause it's easy to see, this so called 'romance' never, wanted me. If only tonight and only tonight you're right back here, I swear I'll cut, till crimson falls, over the bedroom walls" I felt a tear cascade down my cheek and my thigh started to sting, remembering the pain.  
"S-so will you lay, me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know. But would it do, more harm this way?" I burst into tears at that line. I already miss him. I want him back. I took a deep shaky breath and continued.  
"2, 3, 4.  
Between you and I, it's the two-step I crave, morbidly swaying to a dying refrain, if only tonight and only tonight you write back here…I'm so sincere…" I missed his hugs, his kisses, the way he held me, I crave him. Always. But I must let him go, for his own sake. I continued singing through the tears.  
"So will you lay, me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know, or would it do more harm, this way? And we'll go…so will you lay me down, tonight? And we'll be better off, today, and I would die, if you never got to know, or would it do, more harm this way…" I stared at it again, this song means so much, I'm hoping I can perform it without crying, I really do.


	12. Chapter 12

ANDY P.O.V

it's been three months, and I regret what I've done. So fucking much. But I can't watch him get hurt. I can't stand to be hurt from it. But I would never stand to see someone else with him. I want to ask him if we can be together after high school, when no one could hurt us, we were free, I could hold him again, that's all I wanted to do. But I can't, I just can't. We're performing at Annandale hotel were Trevor and Chris got us a gig, I looked at the set list for tonight. Drop Dead Gorgeous, it's4u, Sway Sway Baby, Thick as Thieves, In This Place- w-wait, In This Place? Oh god…I know that songs directed at me, I saw the original song of 'Sometimes'. I don't know if I'll be able to take this.

After the support acts for us finished, the intro started to play on the screen, us three walked out quietly. All these nerves were in my tummy. I breathed deeply as the spot lights hit on us and we started to play Drop Dead Gorgeous. This was going to be a great show. We played almost all the show now…we were up to In This Place, we quickly had a sip of water and I whispered to Shaun "Are you sure you wanna play this?"  
"Most definitely" he smiled unsurely and stood at his microphone with his guitar "alright, we're going to slow it down now. it's so fucking hot in here, I'm sorry" he laughed a bit and he started playing, I focussed on what my job was as Shaun started to sing .  
"In this place we lie  
Cutting slightly in vain  
Hoping and praying you'll remember my name" he started softly, I kept playing, he backed away and swayed his arm side to side and looked around in regret. Fuck. I knew we shouldn't have of done this song. The crowd joining along and singing 'if only tonight and only tonight' Shaun went back to the microphone.  
"You write back here I swear I'm done" when he hit that 'done' I knew he'd get upset. Fuck.  
"Take your advice 'cause it's easy to see  
this so called romance never wanted me" I looked over to him. I could hear the pain in his voice, he was singing with his eyes clenched shut. I hated this. But I just kept playing.  
"If only tonight  
and maybe tonight" he slowly opened his eyes and continued singing softly  
"You write back here, I swear I'll  
Cut, till crim…son falls  
Over the bedroom walls." He closed his eyes again  
"So will you lay me down tonight  
and we'll be better off today" his voice got a bit shaky, fuck. He opened his eyes  
"2, 3, 4" in that mini solo he seemed to have recovered and continued  
"so, between you and I  
it's the two step I crave  
morbidly swaying to a dying refrain  
if only tonight and only tonight you write back here  
I'm so sincere  
so will you lay me down tonight" I looked to him, I saw a tear fall or maybe two. Fuck my life.  
"a-and we'll be better off, today" his voice broke and he turned around for a minute, I looked at him as he wiped his eye and then he went back to the microphone  
"and we'll go!" we did our mini solo and he went back  
"and we'll go, way, down!" he jumped on the amp and did his solo, he looked up for a minute and sniffed, looking back down. After the solo he went to his mic and continued  
"so will you lay me down tonight" I sung a long 'ayyyy' at every line  
"and we'll be better off today  
and I would die if you never got to know  
or would it do more harm this way…" I backed away as did he as the song finished. I was still in love with this man, why did I have to hurt him.  
"Thank you very much…" he laughed awkwardly and continued  
"IT IS SO HOT!" I think he's blaming the tears I caused on his sweat. I fucked up bad, really bad. I wonder what Bradie thinks, hearing me cry every night, cutting my thigh for the pleasure of feeling something, feeling relived.

After that show and got home I ran straight to my room. He'll never know how much I regret this. I sat on my bed and thought everything through, again. I'm not O.K with this. I'm not okay with anything I feel so broken, soulless even. I don't know what I was thinking. But I can't take him back. I'd hurt him more. But then I remembered everything, the hugs, the last kiss, holding him, everything. I bursted into tears. I'm depressed, again. Shaun was my light, my sunshine, the only one who made me get through the day. I'm still happy when I'm with him, I still admire him…Gah, it's like year 9 all over again. I'm in my room crying and I'm sitting here like "kill me now?" I lifted my pillow and took out my blade. I want to cut my wrists more than anything, but I can't let Shaun know. I swiped the blade down the side of my arm so I can say my cat Knuckles did it. I lay back onto the bed and closed my eyes. Why did this have to happen to me? Why did I have to make this stupid mistake?

* * *

it's been two weeks since that performance. I want Shaun back. I need him. I'm going to ask him to be mine again. I walked into Bradie's room.  
"Bradie, do you know if Shaun's home" He turned to me from his computer  
"Andy…He's on a date"  
"A-…A what?"  
"A date, with this girl called Brooke, she's pretty"  
"you…you met her?"  
"Yeah…wait, didn't Shaun tell you?"  
"n-no, he didn't…"  
"What's the big deal anyway?"  
"There isn't any big deal…I'm going back to my room"  
"oh okay"  
I run back to my room and burst into tears as I closed the door. He's over me, already, he made me feel like shit. Only two weeks ago he was crying on stage and now he's dating some Brooke chick. I haven't even met her yet, why didn't he tell me? I punched my wall as I cried. I wanted to get over the heartache I caused myself. I know I made a mistake, but I love him. Forever, like I told him.

Later I decided to text Shaun. I texted "_**Hey Shaun, I heard you have a new girlfriend…great news….umm, have a good day. Talk soon x**_" I sent it with instant regret. He was going to come here and apologize. I can tell. I heard my phone go off and pop up with "One New Message" I sighed and opened it, it read "_**Andy…I'm sorry, she isn't my girlfriend yet…we're only dating…just...Gah, I don't know what to say…I'll come over later. I don't want to text it through with you. Cya x**_" I breathed deeply, I didn't reply. I just pulled out my acoustic bass and played my tune until I heard the doorbell. I wasn't going to bother, Bradie can get it.  
"ANDY! SOMEONE'S HERE FOR YOU!" I heard Bradie yell, I sighed and got up, going out and then I saw her…Shaun and this so called Brooke…She was Blonde and had a perfect body…great, I walked up to Bradie.  
"Yes Bradie?"  
"Um, Andy" Shaun cut in, I turned to him  
"Yes"  
"I'd like you to meet Brooke, me and her are dating" He wrapped his arm around her waist. That killed me. Fuck.  
"Hey Brooke…"  
"Hey Andy, nice to meet you" she smiled big, she seemed the type that always smiled  
"nice to meet you too" I smiled slightly, I couldn't take my eyes of her obvious beauty, it was killing me. I feel like shit. She's ten times better than I'll ever be.  
"So Brooke, what do you do?" I asked  
"I'm a hairdresser at a little shop around town" she giggled. Oh god.  
"Oh, cute, aha. Um, what school do you go to?"  
"I go to Lake Munmorah High School around the area"  
"oh yeah, I've heard of that. Well, I better go. Nice chatting" I smiled quickly and walked back to my room, closing the door. I couldn't believe this. I'm jealous of a girl. She's stunning but I don't trust her, she seems so innocent but so…I don't know…I can't explain…she better not break Shaun's heart. I would never forgive her. I sat at my desk and drew patterns of bullshit on a notepad and then I heard someone walk in and close the door.  
"Andy…" It was Shaun, I turned to him  
"yes Shaun?"  
"I just want you to know that I met Brooke a week or so ago and we became great friends and then I asked her out."  
"Why? I thought you still liked me?"  
"I-I do…but I like her too"  
"okay"  
"Andy"  
"Shaun"  
"listen to me, I still love you okay"  
"T-Then break it off with her and get back with me for a bit…please…"  
"Why? I'm trying to get over you"  
"well I still love you"  
he sighed "I'll think about it…we're continuing to recording Stack is The New Black tomorrow, don't forget"  
"I would never…wait"  
"what?"  
"Did you tell Brooke about the band and the label?"  
"Yeah…"  
"Okay" I smiled "just checking" I smiled, it was so obvious. Brooke just wants Shaun for the money I bet; most girls like Brooke turn Shaun down. This wasn't normal.  
"Shaun! I'm ready to go home!" Brooke yelled. She had the most girliest voice.  
"Okay babe, I'm coming!" he yelled back. I sighed at the 'babe'  
"see you Andy"  
"see ya" he walked out. I can't believe my life right now, I went to my curtain and looked out of it; Shaun and Brooke were hugging in front of his car. She's so clingy. I'm lucky I'm not going to school this year. I graduated last year this is Shaun and Bradie's last year.

* * *

A week past, Shaun and Brooke broke it off for a while, since she goes to a different school and such. This was my chance. I was going to get him back. We were in the car going to our friend Sonny's to stay whilst we recorded the album. We got there and grabbed our bags, going inside.  
"SONNY! YOO HOO!" I laughed  
"ANDY, SHAUN, AND BRADIE! WAZZUP BRUDDAHS"  
"NOT MUCH REALLY!" Bradie laughed.  
We all settled in and went up to the recording studio, recording the album. After the day ended we came back to Sonny's to him and his friends having a party, this was going to be fun. Shaun grabbed a drink and gave one to me and he, Bradie was still a bit young to drink. We both had a few drinks.  
"Shaun?"  
"Yes Andy?"  
"I was wondering if…" I got a bit closer to him  
"if…?"  
"If you'd be mine again?"  
"I'll think about it" he winked  
"you tease. I know you want me" I took a sip as did he  
"oh honey, just wait for me"  
"I'll wait for you forever…" I whispered, he giggled  
"oh my god Andy"  
"what?"  
"I really want you" he whispered, we smirked, I looked around and grabbed Shaun's hand, we giggled as we ran to the bedroom, locking the door. I pulled him close; I don't care how drunk I am. I wanted him.  
"You sure you want this again Shaun?"  
"yes Andy, more than anything"  
"good enough for me" I smashed my lips to his, butterflies exploded in my stomach, he pushed me down on the bed, getting on top of me, we kissed deep and passionate, kinda sloppy from how many drinks we have had. I slid my hands to his ass as our tongues started to battle, he grinded his crotch on me. Oh god, he was so hard, I tilted my head back.  
"Oh Shaun…" I exhaled  
"Sh...We have to be quite" He said, I nodded as he started to kiss my neck, rubbing his crotch up and down against mine; I bit my lip, trying not to moan. I felt my pants tighten. He moaned quietly in my ear and smirked.  
"Baby needs to be fixed?"  
"Shh" I blushed slightly; he got off me and got on his knees. Oh god, what was he doing.  
"I wanna try something…" he whispered, cupping my crotch. Oh my god, it felt amazing when he touched me, I've been wanting him for so long. He unzipped my pants and pulled my length out; I moaned when he grabbed me, he put his finger to his lips, reminding me to be quite. I bit my lip as he started pumping me up and down, up and down I felt like exploding right then and there. He slowly dragged his tongue up the side, I moaned quietly and then he sucked the head hard, I moaned loudly then covered my mouth, I saw him smirk. He sucked up and down hard and fast, making me pant. "f-faster" I whispered, he obeyed and went faster and faster, I felt my stomach knot and I let out an orgasm "o-oh Shaun, I'm close" I said softly. He started to deep throat and then I suddenly came. He swallowed and the collapsed next to me on the bed, I got on top of him and kissed his neck roughly with tongue and then-…I woke up. Fuck, it was a dream; I looked across me on the bed to see a hung over sleeping Shaun. My head was aching; I must have passed out last night. I looked under the cover to see a big bulge in my pants. Fuck. I'm too tired to be fucked so I closed my eyes, slowly falling back asleep.

I woke up slowly, my head was throbbing. Shaun looked at me "good morning" he mumbled  
"morning" I yawned  
"GET UP!" Bradie yelled from the door. My head felt like it just got punched.  
"BRADIE! FUCK" Shaun yelled back.  
"we have to finish recording, get up!"  
"in a minute" I groaned, Shaun closed his eyes, I shook him  
"stay awake"  
"I'm too tired"  
"come on" I got up slowly, pulling him up.  
"Andy" he whined  
"come on Shaun, we just have to edit and listen and we're done. Okay?"  
"fine"  
Later we got the studio and finished off and did recording for Short Stack TV. Shaun still flirts with me and after the dream I had last night it really gets to me. I don't want to be gay for him anymore, he doesn't love me. I know he doesn't, I can sense it. After we finished recording we went out for lunch.  
"what should we get?" I asked  
"I'm definitely not having pizza another fucking night" Shaun said  
"what's wrong with pizza?"  
"you WORK at a pizza place"  
"guys, don't fight" Bradie added  
"Bradie fuck off" I said. In all honesty, I want to die. Shaun's treating me like a dick, my head is killing me and all I can think about is my dream and it angers me. I can't believe I gave Shaun up. I fucking loved him and I'm never going to be able to have him. He's moving on and I just want to die. He doesn't care.  
"I'm not going anywhere Andy"  
"Fine. We'll just go eat whatever Sonny has. Let's go" I walked back to the car and got in, they got in after, Shaun was in the front seat and he stared out his window, Bradie sat at the back and played with his phone. I breathed deeply and started the car, driving back to Sonny's. When we got there Shaun went back to bed, Bradie was playing PlayStation with Sonny, I went to the bathroom and sat in the bath tub, closing the shower curtain and burst into tears. Why did I break so easily? I huddled up and cried softly into my lap. What am I even doing? I can't believe myself. I pulled my blade out of my pocket and then I heard someone walk in. shit. I dropped the blade and then someone pulled the curtain and I stared at them in shock, it was Shaun.  
"Andy? W-What are you-"  
"I-I love you Shaun" I cried  
"S-Sh, Sh" he got in next to me in the tub "I love you too Andy, don't cry" he wiped my tears, I sniffed.  
"w-…why can't you take me back? I won't hurt you anymore, I promise. I could neve-"  
"Andy…I-I can't be with you for the sake of the band"  
"b-but I would be with you forever. Like I promised"  
"promises don't mean anything anymore…"  
"y-yes they do!"  
"I don't think we can do this though Andy"  
"p-please? What's the big problem. I love you, you love me…"  
"it's wrong for the band. It can't happen, okay?" he held me close and kissed my head  
"t-then can I…"  
"can you what?"  
"do this" I put my hand on his cheek and turned his head, kissing him softly on the lips, what am I doing? He started to kiss me back softly, we sat there kissing soft and passionate for a couple minutes. It felt amazing for our lips to touch again, I wanted them there forever and then he pulled away, I looked at him. He was crying.  
"I-I'm sorry"  
"n-no Andy, it's okay…I-I'm sorry, it can't happen. I'm so sorry."  
"why?"  
"i-it just reminds me of the past…"  
"no please" I pulled his face back and kissed him, closing my eyes, he pushed me off and sobbed softly.  
"n-no! I can't Andy…s-see you in the morning" he got up and wiped his eyes, going back to the bedroom. I got up later, wiping my eyes and putting my blade in my pocket. I want Shaun, I don't want to sound or mean to sound greedy but I want him, forever. But he doesn't want that. But I will always love Shaun. Forever.


	13. Chapter 13

Life sucks. Honestly. You're stuck here just to watch the man you love walk away; you have to put up with your mum and brother whining about how messy your room is. I'm old enough to do what I like. Why can't they just leave me alone? That's all I want to be right now. I heard a knock on the door as my thoughts mushed in my head.  
"Who is it?" I sighed  
"Bradie"  
"What do you want?"  
"I need to speak to you about something"  
"fine. Whatever, come in" he walked in, he didn't look himself  
"uh, Bradie? You feeling alright?" he sat on my bed and looked at me  
"Shaun told me about you and his little fling" I just stared at him. Why would Shaun do that.  
"Andy, listen to me. I kinda figured this and the way you looked at Brooke with jealousy was so weird. Like, why would Shaun's best friend do that? I don't think that of her at all-"  
"Shut up Bradie! Please! I still love Shaun I can't handle this right now"  
"I know you do, that's what I'm here to talk about"  
"w-what?"  
"I know you love him. Even though he doesn't know what he wants? Go for him. You love him"  
"but Bradie-"  
"go" I bit my lip, he stared at me seriously, I awkwardly got up and made my way out of the house to my car, got in and started the engine. I'm scared about how this will turn out.

I got to his house shaking. I was full of adrenaline; I went to the door and knocked. Shaun opened it.  
"Andy…?"  
"Shaun, I NEED to speak to you. Like, right now."  
"oh. Wanna go to my room"  
"please"  
"okay, come on"  
we walked up to his room and as he closed the door. I don't know what to say, I had too much to say.  
"so…?" Shaun asked. I ran up to him and held him close, smashing my lips to his, he gasped and kissed me back slowly, I clenched my eyes shut as we kissed. My stomach exploded with butterflies, I was begging for more, I held him close, making the kiss more passionate and then he pushed me off. He looked at me stunned, I looked the same to him.  
"w-what are you doing Andy?"  
"Shaun…" I didn't know what to do so I got on one knee, he looked at me worriedly.  
"Shaun….from the moment I met you it was love and I want you forever, I know I've fucked up and I'm a shitty boyfriend and kisser but I seriously love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you. I'd fucking die for you. Don't you understand? I love you so much Shaun and I don't know if this speech is enough to make you believe it since it's off the top of my head but I really, really love you. Shaun Donald Patrick Diviney, will you be mine?" He stared at me, biting his lip. "A-Andrew, you're amazing. I love you too, so fucking much" I smiled the most I have smiled in months right then and there I got up and wrapped my arms around him as he hugged me back.  
"thank you Shaun…" I whispered  
"don't thank me…thank you…" he whispered back.

* * *

SHAUN P.O.V

I hate school, I have to be away from Andy and all I want to do is be with him or play guitar. Why was school even invented? No one likes me. The only best friend I have is Bradie. I didn't even spend my lunch and recess with him, I always went to the "haunted" bathroom, I felt better there even after everything that happened there I like being alone. If I'm not with Andy or if Bradie doesn't feel interested, I'm alone. The only good thing about my life is Andy, I love him so much, in so many different ways. I looked into the mirror and sighed and fixed my smudged eyeliner. I hate school so much, so much it makes me want to die, I get teased for my hair and eyeliner. I am who I am, who cares if I'm different…who cares if I'm bisexual…but as soon as I'm with Andy, he makes me feel better. I'm so bored in here, it wouldn't kill me to walk around the school or chill with Bradie, right? I walked out of the bathroom, I already feel insecure as fuck. I walked down to where Bradie usually is, he wasn't there. Fuck. I sighed and sat there anyway and grabbed my iPod out, stuff going back to the toilets, I put in my earphones and listened to My Chemical Romance, they're basically my drug right now. I couldn't wait till after lunch though, I get to go home and Andy is picking me up. I smiled at the thought of him and grabbed my book "How To Kill A Mockingbird". This is my happiness when Andy wasn't around. I kept reading and reading, this book is amazing.  
"Oi, faggot" I heard someone yell, I looked up. It was Daniel's brother. Ha, fuck life, I pulled an earphone out.  
"what do you want?"  
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm taking my brothers place so watch out" I laughed under my breath  
"you're in year 7, go play with your Spiderman toys, you're not 'cool' just go away."  
"fuck you, I swear I'm going to make the rest of this year so shit for you"  
"go ahead, see if I care" I mumbled  
"starting from now" he grabbed some girls icy pole and threw it at me, I gasped as it hit my eye  
"you immature little CUNT!" I got up and had my fist in the air, I punched him right in the nose, fuck.  
"OW! Wait until I tell my brother about this" he cried softly, walking away. I was frozen and shocked at what just happened. I'm furious. It reminded me of the past, I hated the past. The little fucker set me off. I'm upset and pissed. Fuck this. I grabbed my bag and put my stuff in it, storming out of the school. Not like the school would care, I stormed half way to Andy's then started to slow down as I got tired. I got to the door and knocked, Andy opened it and I bursted into tears. What was wrong with me? He wrapped his arms around me.  
"Sh Shaun, you're okay. I'm here. What happened?"  
"I-I hate school! I hate life, I-I'm nothing" I said without thought, he squeezed me tighter.  
"no Shaun, you're amazingly beautiful, you deserve to live. I love you. Come on"  
I sobbed softly as he took me to his room, he closed the door behind him and turned me, wiping the smudged eyeliner that my tears caused.  
"Shaun, calm down. Baby, please" I took deep even breathes  
"Shaun…what happened?  
"D-Daniel's brother…threw an icy pole at me, it went e-everywhere and I got pissed and punched him in the face." I heard Andy breathe deeply.  
"At least you defended yourself…"  
"but Daniel will come after me and chop my fucking dick off! I punched his little brother! If anyone punched Liam in the face I wouldn't be happy!"  
"calm down Shaun, baby I'm here" he wrapped his arms around my again, I sighed into the hug and closed my eyes. He rubbed my back up and down, calming me. I breathed deeply.  
"I love you Andy"  
"I love you too Shaun…"  
I looked at him and kissed him lightly, he kissed me back softly and then pulled away.  
"Baby, you look tired" he said  
"I just want you though"  
"come on" he pulled me to his bed and we laid down, he wrapped his arms around me, I turned to him and kissed him softly, he slowly slid his hand to my waist, I rolled him over and got on top of him, he put his other hand on my waist, I kissed him soft and slow and slid my tongue in. He battled with my tongue slowly, making me exhale deeply. I pulled away before anything else could happen.  
"I don't want to go home with a boner Andy"  
"you asked for it but" he giggled  
"shut up" I blushed and looked at the time and giggled.  
"what you giggling at mister?"  
"Bradie's going to be home soon, I have a plan for tonight to freak him out."  
"which is?"  
"since this is a little place for only you and Bradie at the back of your house, I was wondering if we could fake sex and moan so loud so he thinks we're having sex and we could rock the bed back a-"  
"say no more, I love you" he laughed "perfect plan"  
I smiled "I love you too, I'm going to text mum and ask if I can stay" I got off him and quickly texted mum. She texted back that it's fine and that she'll drop off my guitar later. I laid next to Andy again and we cuddled, watching TV.

Later, it was time for Bed. Bradie was already in bed. Andy and I were giggling about this plan.  
"Andy, take everything off besides your underwear" I said, taking my clothes off.  
"What if I'm not wearing underwear…?"  
"I-…W-…Well you could put some on" I said awkwardly, he giggled  
"I'm joking, I'm wearing underwear" he said, taking his clothes off. I got under the cover and held it up.  
"my body is waiting" I giggled, he laughed and got on top of me, spreading my legs, I bit my lip.  
"now how do we do this?"  
"just…kiss my neck, I'll start moaning and then after a while, start humping me and I'll start screaming with pleasure, got it?"  
"got it!" he smirked and started kissing my neck soft and slow, I exhaled softly. He started to add tongue and sucked my neck softly, massaging the spot with his tongue, I moaned softly, he started to hump slowly, I moaned louder. I forgot that this may actually make me hard. He started to go faster, still making out with my neck, I groaned and bucked my hips up onto him, he moaned.  
"fuck Shaun, we didn't think this through"  
"just, don't stop. Please." I moaned in his ear. He kissed down to my chest and kissed it soft and slow with his tongue, I wrapped my legs around his waist as he thrusted harder. Fuck, he was making me horny. I closed my eyes and moaned even louder, I was imagining him actually thrusting into me which made me even harder.  
"S-Shaun, remember to scream" he said breathless from thrusting so fast.  
"o-oh Andy!" I cried out.  
"m-mhm Shaun"  
"I-I want you in me Andy, f-fuck me" He stopped and looked down at me, I blushed.  
"are….are you serious?"  
"only if you want it to be"  
"maybe later, I wanna do this first"  
"I-I have an idea"  
"what?"  
"I'm gonna ride" I rolled him over and sat my crotch right on his and started rocking back and forth. Fuck, it felt amazing.  
"oh Shaun, faaark!" Andy moaned, I started to rock faster and harder, bouncing slightly. I didn't care how loud my moans were, the impact was so amazing.  
"S-Scream baby…" Andy whispered in a moan. I kept going and felt an orgasm coming on, fuck. I didn't want to stop.  
"Scream Shaun!" he whimpered, I threw my head back  
"O-OH YEAH ANDY! RIGHT THERE, DON'T STOP O-OH!" I cried out, It wasn't even fake, Andy laid me down and got on top, thrusting against my crotch hard and fast. I cried out "YES ANDY OH GOD YES!" I panted and moaned. And then there was a knock on the door, I panicked, but Andy wouldn't stop, I bit my lip to contain the orgasm coming, I started whimpering and panting.  
"S-Sh baby" he whispered to me  
"W-What Bradie?!"  
"you're disturbing. Go to sleep, I'm going to have nightmares" Andy giggled, moaning softly.  
"night Bradie" he looked down at me, he thrusted once more harder, I cried out and came, starting to pant as did he. I grabbed him by the back of his neck, slamming my lips to his. We kissed for a couple minutes and then he pulled away.  
"I Love you Shaun"  
"I love you too Andy" I smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

It's been a couple months now. Daniel hasn't bothered to come for me and I may or may not have gave Andy a blowjob in the elevator whilst on tour –shifty eyes- meeting fans after the shows was amazing though. To see how much impact I put on people's lives is unbelievable to me. But, I and Andy are starting to lose our touch. I get awkward. I don't know why. And we've been having the stupidest fights. I love him, I really do but I don't understand why I'm being such a fucking dick to him. He's picking me up soon, I hope we don't fight. I really love him, I always will. I heard a beep out the front, grabbed my bag and guitar, walking out to his car. I put my things in the boot and got in the car.  
"hey" I smiled  
"hey baby" he kissed my cheek, I smiled and put my seat belt on.  
"I ordered pizza for dinner. Free pizza night at work"  
"okay, sounds good"  
"you know it" he smiled and drove away; we sang to the radio and smiled at each other. If only everyday with him was like this. I'm sick of the pathetic fights. We got to his place and got out. He insisted to grab my stuff and we walked inside, I crashed on the couch and started watching TV. He came and sat next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I smiled and sat up on the couch, cuddling into him as he wrapped his arms around me. He was amazing. The bell rang, Andy got up and answered it, it was the pizza. He took it and set it on the coffee table, I opened it and frowned.  
"I told you I don't like mushrooms on pizza"  
"Sorry baby"  
"if you loved me you would of remembered"  
"IF I loved you? I do love you, so much. I just ordered the pizza and didn't think."  
"well maybe you should think"  
he sighed "I'm fucking over this shit Shaun!"  
"what do you mean?"  
"all this fighting for no reason, the awkwardness. What happened to us?"  
"w-well…I don't know"  
"I told you this relationship would make it hard on the band! I fucking told you. Now stop being a fucking Diva and just pick off the damn mushroom!"  
"you know what! Fuck you! I'm done" I stood up and grabbed my bag  
"Shaun…please, don't go"  
"why?! So we fight more? I'm doing this for the sake of the fucking band. I'm over this, you're starting to get on my nerves Andy"  
"fuck, I regret this"  
"EXCUSE me? You regret what? The fact we made out and basically had sex. The fact that I sucked you off, the fact that I love you, the fact that I want you. What?"  
"I wish I fucked you when I had the chance, maybe you wouldn't be such a whore"  
"fuck you! I'm over it Andy, it's OVER!" I grabbed my stuff and went to Bradie's room, I had nowhere to go. Bradie looked at me "Shaun?"  
I bursted into tears "I-I'm such a fuck up, over fucking pizza"  
"what Shaun? Calm down"  
"me and A-Andy, it's over"  
"what about the band?"  
"the b-band is fine, that's why I broke up with him. For the sake of our band"  
"come here" he patted next to him, I sat there and looked at him.  
"you'll be okay Shaun, trust me, you're strong" I heard a big bang and clenched my eyes shut, more tears ran. I didn't reply. I rested my head on Bradie's shoulder and started to cry. I hate myself more now. What have I done?"

ANDY P.O.V

As soon as Shaun walked into Bradie's room I started to break down. I couldn't of just kept my mouth shut and said 'sorry baby, I love you, I'm really sorry' not 'you're a whore' 'calm down you diva'. He hates it when I call him a diva, it's true though. If nothing is his way he throws a mass fit. No shut up Andy. You just lost the love of your life, and it's all your fault. I stood up and through my tears a threw a punch at the wall, making a big was I such a fuck up? I stormed to my room and slammed the door, grabbing the blade from my bed side drawer. "Think Andy, is he worth it?" I whispered to myself. He is worth it…I pressed it to my skin and dragged down slowly, not too hard though, it left a scratch. I think it's going blunt. I sighed and got up, walking across to Bradie's room, opening the door. I stood there awkwardly as I saw Shaun crying on Bradie's shoulder, Bradie was watching spiderman with his arm around Shaun. I bit my lip.  
"what are you doing Andy?"  
"I-I came to apologize"  
Shaun didn't even look at me. I felt so worthless.  
"he's too upset Andy"  
"and you don't think I'm not? Look" I went and kneeled beside the bedside where Shaun is. "I love you Shaun, I do and I'm really fucking sorry, I didn't mean a word I said. I love you, remember that. I-I understand if you don't want me back or not for a while. I completely understand. I'm giving you time. I'll wait for you, forever. Understand? I'm really fucking sorry…I'll be in my room" I stood up and went to my room, closing the door. I don't know where this is going. I sighed and looked at myself in the mirror.  
"Worthless piece of shit!" I said quietly, I was starting to break down, I breathed in and out deeply. I hate myself so much right now.

* * *

SHAUN P.O.V

A couple weeks have passed since the breakup. I still love Andy but I can't handle being with him. I can't be with him for the band. I picked up my phone and dialled a number. Brooke's number. I held it to my ear as it started to ring.  
"Hello?" I heard her happy voice say  
"Hey Brooke"  
"Oh, Shaun. Hi"  
"H-How's things?"  
"excellent now, what about you?"  
"great…uhm, I was wondering if you wanted to you know, meet up with me soonish at the entrance?"  
"oh Shaun! I'd love to, see you then"  
"see you" I hanged up.  
I know what I'm doing. I'm trying to get over Andy. That's all I need to do right now. I need a nice relationship with a woman. Not a man. The band has had so many fights lately. I need to sort everything out and my love life is a start.

Later we met up at the entrance, she was wearing a nice pink dress, kind revealed her boobs but she looked good. I loved the way her blonde hair cascades down her face.  
"Hey Brooke"  
"Hey Shaun" she smiled  
"What do you wanna get?"  
"I feel like an ice tea"  
"okay, I'll go get that. One second"  
"Okay" she smiled and sat at the table, I went and got me a coffee and her ice tea, paid for it then carried it back to the table, sitting down.  
"thanks Shaun"  
"no problemo" I smiled, having a sip as she took a sip of her tea.  
"so, how's things"  
"ah, same old same old"  
"how's Bradie?"  
"Bradie's great"  
"and Andy?"  
"I-I don't know about Andy" I bit my lip  
"why..?"  
"Because….just because"  
"Shaun, tell me. What happened to Andy?"  
I sighed, if I want this to work out I can't lie to her "well, me and Andy had a tough time in highschool, we were bullied, I STILL get bullied but yeah, after a while me and Andy kinda..."  
"kinda what?" she bit her lip  
"fell in love…"  
"so…you're gay?"  
"no! I'm bi! He's the only guy I like though, it's weird. I don't know."  
"oh..kay.."  
"Brooke, you don't understand"  
"I do understand, I'm just trying to process this through. So, you and Andy, were in a relationship? What happened?"  
"we lost touch, we started fighting ALL the time. We had a pathetic fight, I took something too seriously and the-"  
"what did you take too seriously?"  
"he called me a Diva, I know. It's stupid."  
"no not at all…go on"  
"so yeah, we broke up. He's still kind of miserable but I don't- I can't be with him again okay?"  
"why not?"  
"I loved him, I don't know if I still have feelings for him but recently…I've been thinking about you…"  
"really?" she smiled  
"yeah" I bit my lip  
"so…"  
"Brooke, can you be my girlfriend?  
"Shaun"  
"what?"  
"I'd love to" she smiled as did i  
"can I do something? And I warn you, I'm shit at relationships"  
"I doubt it. And sure"  
I laughed a bit and stood up a bit, leaning across the table, putting my hand on her cheek and closed my eyes, leaning in. I touched her lips softly with mine and she moved her lips in motion of mine. The kiss felt good, amazing. It was…different. I pulled away slowly and smirked slightly.  
"wow…" she bit her lip  
I giggled "you're an amazing kisser"  
"so are you mister" she laughed, I blushed  
"wanna come back to my place?"  
"sure" she smiled  
"we have to walk…I don't know how to drive. Wow, I'm already a shit boyfriend" she nudged me as we stood up.  
"shut up, you are not."  
"I can't drive"  
"neither can I. Calm down" she giggled and grabbed my hand, linking our fingers. I smiled.  
We walked all the way to my place holding hands and giggling, talking about school and so on. We walked in my house and I kissed her cheek quickly and walked up to the lounge, holding hands, I looked at her smiling as we walked in. she dropped her hand and didn't have eye contact with me.  
"Andy!"  
"Brooke…" I turned my head to that familiar voice  
"Andy…w-what are you doing here?"  
"Shaun, I'll be in your room…" Brooke walked away awkwardly, Andy stood up.  
" what the fuck Shaun…"  
"what?"  
"I was thinking about asking you to be mine again but once again you've clearly moved on"  
I bit my lip "I still like you in that way..Brooke's my girlfriend now"  
"uh…huh"  
"Andy-"  
"How'd it happen?"  
"W-We met up at the entrance and one thing led to another and we kissed"  
"is she better than me?"  
"h-huh?"  
"Is she a better kisser than me"  
"w-well…she was…different"  
"ha, okay. I'm just going to go. See you at practice"  
"And-"  
"no, just…shut up" Andy stormed out and Brooke came back in, I sat on the couch slowly.  
"Shaun, are you okay?"  
"I'm fine babe, come here"  
"okay…" She sat next to me, I put my hand on her cheek and kissed her lightly.  
"I like you a lot Brooke, okay?"  
"but you still love Andy"  
"I need to get over that. I need to grow up"  
"Shaun-"  
"no Brooke, I want you"  
"o-okay"  
"Sorry.." I said after a while  
"about what?"  
"the yelling…"  
"it's fine, I just want you to calm down…" she wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head on my shoulder, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and kissed her soft blonde head. I don't know what it was about Brooke, I think I love her and Andy. Brooke is just numbing the pain I felt from Andy. The kiss was amazing but Andy's kisses were just as divine. What the fucks wrong with me? I don't know if I love her. I don't know if I know what love is anymore.

ANDY P.O.V

I stormed out of Shaun's house. I can't fucking believe him. This is the second time he's done this. He said her kisses were different. I bet you she knows about me and Shaun. That look on her face when she saw me. She knew she should not have held his hand. I just in the car and sped home. A few tears shed, I focussed on the road but Shaun's at the back of my head. I'm so broken. I feel useless. I can't let myself be with him again, I'll just get worse and worse. Man, why was I such a fuck up?

* * *

it's been a year now. Brooke gave Shaun a haircut, his old amazing hair. Gone. Oh well I guess. I got a Maurice tattoo on my right wrist, the band is basically keeping me alive right now…I'm going to Shaun's house for a catch up and she'll be there. Fuck. I Made my way up to the front door and knocked, Shaun answered at smiled at me.  
"Hey"  
"Hi" I walked in and up to the lounge, playing with my sleeves, I looked up to see Brooke.  
"Hey…Andy" She said softly  
"Brooke" I walked to Shaun's fridge and grabbed a drink, Shaun came up and went to the fridge.  
"we're having barbeque for dinner" he said, pulling the meat out.  
"kay, that's cool with me"  
"just cook me a little bit baby" Brooke added  
"I know your usual, beautiful" I looked at his smile. I wish that smile was for me. I miss that smile.  
"okay baby" she smiled and kissed his cheek, grabbing a cruiser from the fridge quickly.  
"be back soon" He smiled, walking out to the barbeque. I sighed and sat on the couch.  
"So…Andy" Brooke said, walking and sitting on the couch opposite me.  
"mhm?"  
"how you going?"  
"fine. The usual. You?"  
"perfect, Shaun's a great guy"  
"I know" I mumbled  
she sighed "you need to get over him"  
"He was mine first you know"  
"and you fucked up"  
"no, we lost touch"  
"sure, okay" Brooke giggled, I stood up.  
"fuck you! You know nothing. You're some pathetic blondey who shows her tits off to get amazing men!"  
She stood up "Well at least I didn't call my boyfriend a whore and leave him"  
"JUST FUCK OFF!"  
"you're just jealous!"  
"What the fuck, no!"  
"J.E.A.L.O.U.S"  
"NO! FUCK, GRR, FUCK THIS. I'M GOING. TELL SHAUN I DON'T WANT HIS FUCKING MEAT"  
"FINE!"  
"I HATE YOU!" I screamed and ran out. I hate Brooke. I can't stand her. Just, ugh. She makes me want to die. I'm sick of this. Fucking hell. I kept storming to my car which I parked around the corner, I heard running footsteps behind me and a man grabbed my shoulder, I tuned around to see Shaun.  
"Andy…"  
"S-Shut up" I burst into tears, He wrapped his arms around me. Wow, he has gotten musclier.  
"Andy, calm down…It's not your fault, at all. I love Brooke okay? But there is still a piece of my heart which remains for you"  
I looked up at him "k-kay…"  
"Andy, I need to go…I-…bye" he walked away.  
"bye…" I sighed shakily and walked away, getting into my car and driving home.


	15. Chapter 15

_**A few months later..**_

SHAUN P.O.V

I woke up slowly from my dreams, I looked next to me to see a slightly snoring, naked Brooke in my arms. She's beautiful but, I don't know. This Andy thing will always be in my head. I sighed and sat up, sliding on my boxers. I got up and went to the kitchen grabbing some orange juice and sat in the lounge, watching cartoons with our little Chihuahua puppy Honey, drinking my juice. I loved these mornings. Then I heard my phone buzz. It was Bradie.  
"**dude, we're picking you up soon. We need to start recording. Remember? Okay, see you soon.**"  
"SHIT!" I got up quickly, putting Honey in her pen and ran to my room, starting to pack my bag, I shook Brooke's arm. She groaned.  
"Brooke, I have to go record okay? I love you so much. I'll be back in a couple days or something" I said, quickly packing  
"okay baby, I love you too…" she yawned and fell back asleep. I quickly got dressed and grabbed my bag, running downstairs. Just in time. They beeped the horn, I walked out and got in the back.  
"morning sunshine" Andy laughed  
"morning butter cup" I giggled, He turned around, my giggle went awkward then stopped.

We got to Grove Studios later than imagined and settled in. we started drums today. Bradie played and I said wether I thought it fit or not, change it up a bit and so on. I just chilled on the couch with Andy. We listened over Bradie's drums for Wendy.  
"do you think it fits?" Trevor asked  
"it's pretty much perfect really, in my head it fits."  
"great, we'll check back when we do the guitar and bass" he said, going through it  
"okay"  
"how does Wendy go again?" Andy asked  
"u-uhm" I started to sing " Wendy, we'll defy the stars together on the moon, for you, singing, Wendy, so just wrap your arms around me, forever, for you"  
"that's…amazing"  
"t-thanks" I bit my lip and got up, grabbing my snickers, Andy giggled, I took a bite and looked at him  
"what?"  
"Snickers! Get some nuts!" Andy said strongly, giggling  
"oh my god, you loser."  
"you know me"  
"I know I do" I smirked playfully, he giggled.

ANDY P.O.V

we've been here for a day and my mind is going crazy over Shaun, fucking hell. Why can't I just be over him? Sure, I've kissed a girl and had one night stands with girls but Shaun is always there, in my mind and it's fucking driving me insane. I was going to talk to him about it, but I'm having my doubts. I was in the kitchen room eating some pizza and he walked in.  
"Hey Andy"  
"Hey Shaun"  
"how are ya?" I said with a mouth full of food.  
"I'm good I guess and eat with your mouth closed"  
"shut up" I said, swallowing my food.  
"make me" He giggled, grabbing a piece, I slapped his hand.  
"OI!"  
"what?"  
"my pizza, get your own"  
"bitch, please"  
"marry me?" I pushed out  
"huh?"  
"h-huh?"  
"you're strange"  
"yeah….strange" or just madly in love with you still  
"you okay?"  
"yeah, why wouldn't I be?"  
"why wouldn't you be? Well, you're single, in love with a dude and asked to marry him even though 1, it's illegal and 2, he has a girlfriend"  
"I was kidding" I laughed awkwardly  
"mhm"  
"sorry"  
"it's kay" he said, walking away. What more could I do? I can't do anything. It's his life, he doesn't need to get moody. It's his choice.

SHAUN P.O.V

A couple days past, I'm at Brooke's place; we go back to the studio next week. I waited for Brooke to come home so I could surprise her. She came in, I smiled and then I saw her, she looked like she was wasted last night. Um, okay.  
"Brooke?" I smiled slightly, she looked up stunned.  
"Fuck, Shaun. You're home"  
"yeah…I told you I'd be home in a couple days'  
"O-Oh yeah…"  
"yeah, babe what's wrong?"  
I heard someone come through the door "Brooke, babe. Let's go, if you want some of this we have to go now, I'm impatient"  
I stared at her. "…you little slut"  
"Shaun…"  
"NO! Fuck you, how dare you. I can't believe you. Just…" then the mystery man walked up the stairs. I looked over to him, it was him…Daniel "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" I ran over to him and punched him in the face "I loved her you fucking knob!"  
"haha kay dude, calm your faggot ass down" he said, putting his hand on his cheek  
"Fuck my life"I looked at Brooke with tears in my eyes "I trusted you…"  
"I'm sorry Shaun"  
"no, you're really not. Bye, it's over" I walked out "SHAUN PLEASE!"  
"babe, calm, you have me" I heard Daniel say, I walked out all the way and closed the door. I can't believe her, she was cheating on me. My phone buzzed, I sighed and looked at it as I started walking. It was from Brooke "**baby, come back please. I really want to speak this through…please? Love you x**"haha, fucking lies. Maybe I should call Andy? I pressed his name and held the phone to my ear, He answered.  
"heeeello?"  
"hey…"  
"Shaun?"  
"A-Andy…" I felt a tear roll  
"you sound upset, what happened?"  
"C-Can you just pick me up? I'm at the corner of B-…Her street"  
"Oh god…I'll be there soon" he hung up. I sat on the curb and bursted into more tears as I went into deep thought. A car zoomed around the corner and stopped in front of me, it was Andy, I got up and got in, wiping my cheeks.  
"what the fuck did she do to you?"  
"she…s-she cheated"  
"what the fucking hell" he looked furious, I stared at him sadly. He leaned over and kissed my head, I kept staring at him.  
"it'll be okay, who'd she cheat with?" I shook my head  
"I-I don't wanna say. It hurts"  
"Who, was it?!"  
"Daniel!" I closed my eyes tight, tears running down my cheek.  
"fucking hell, that's it." He drove fast to Brooke's house then got out "Stay here"  
I nodded, he ran inside. Fuck. I looked down and cried. How could she do this to me? Even after I told her everything I went through.

ANDY P.O.V

I hanged up the phone and ran out, getting in the car. What the fuck did she do to him? I drove as fast as I could and turned down Brooke's street, stopping in front of Shaun. He got in the car, he looked so sad, he wiped his cheeks dry of tears.  
"What the fuck did she do to you?"  
"she…s-she cheated"  
"What the fucking hell" what the fuck? Really? What a fucking slut. He just stared at me, I sighed a bit and leaned over, kissing his head without thought. He just stared.  
"it'll be okay, Who'd she cheat with?" he shook his head  
"I-I don't wanna say. it hurts"  
"who was it?!"  
"Daniel!" He closed his eyes, more tears rolled down his perfect skin, I felt this instant anger. Him of all people.  
"Fucking hell, that's it" I drove fast to Brooke's house, getting out "stay here" he nodded, I closed the door and ran up and inside her house.  
"BROOKE!?" I went to the kitchen, she wasn't there "BROOKE?! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" She came out of the lounge, she looked like a mess.  
"W-WHAT ANDY!? FUCK, WHO LET YOU IN HERE!?"  
"HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT!?" I pushed her without thought. She looked up at me scared. Daniel stormed in. Shit. "Brooke! You okay" he lifted her off the ground, I stared at him.  
"oh hey there" he laughed  
"Y-You really did it this time…"  
"and I should care because..?"  
"just, go fucking die. Both of you. I hate you!" I stormed out and ran back to the car, joining Shaun again.  
"what happened in there?" he asked, he looked a lot more calm now  
"I…I kinda pushed her to the ground and then Daniel came in…I'm still too pussy to hurt him. I just told him to die and left"  
"oh, it's okay Andy. I found it hard too, but I was really upset"  
"come on, we'll go home and chill? Take your mind off it?"  
"sure…"  
I started the car. "okay" I said, driving away, Shaun got out his earphones and started listening to his music as I drove. I stopped outside my place and got out, Shaun took his earphones out and got out.  
"is Bradie home?"  
"nope, why?"  
"just wondering…"  
"Okay" I walked to the door and opened it  
"Ladies first" I giggled, he looked at me, smiling slightly and walked in as I did, closing the door. He sat on the couch, I grabbed two beers and sat next to him, passing him one.  
"thanks" he said, opening it and taking a sip.  
"anytime" I opened mine and took a sip. We rested our drinks on the coffee table and watched some TV. I heard him sigh.  
"what's up buddy?"  
"I still can't believe her…"  
"dude" I sat up at looked at him "forget about her, please? Come on, I said this is to take your mind of it"  
"well it's not working" he looked at me  
"what if we watch your favourite movie? Nightmare Before Christmas?"  
"yes please, that always helps"  
"I know" I smiled, he half smiled back. It was always beautiful when he smiled. I got up and put the movie on, sitting back next to him.  
"thanks a lot Andy" he smiled at me.  
"no problem anything for…my best friend" I smiled  
"yeah" he rested his head on my shoulder, I wrapped my arm around him. I miss this.  
"I miss this…" he suddenly said exactly what I was thinking.  
"h-huh?"  
"I miss us" he sat up  
"but…you said"  
"I don't care, I'm more mature now and you do make me happy"  
"well…"  
He didn't respond, he just put his head on my shoulder and hummed along to the movie. Was he actually considering our relationship? Wow.  
"Shaun?"  
"hm?"  
"answer me when I ask okay"  
"kay…"  
"did you want us to happen again?"  
he looked at me, bitting his lip "well, yeah."  
"so, does this mean we're, you know. Together again?" I smiled  
"yep" he smiled  
"wow, so…"  
"so…"  
"why are we so awkward?" we both giggled  
"it's just been a while, and this was unexpected"  
"true"  
"yeah"  
"Hey Shaun?"  
"yeah?" he looked at me  
"do you still, you know. Love…me?"  
"Y-…yes"  
"have you loved me this whole time?"  
"well, lately I have, earlier with me and Brooke I was just confused. You know it'll always be you"  
I bit my lip "fuck, I love you"  
"I love you too Andy" he smiled "you saved my life, again"  
"anything for you"  
He smiled as I did and wrapped his arms around my neck and I wrapped mine around his waist. I felt warm and fuzzy inside again. Shaun makes me so happy, always.

SHAUN P.O.V

I stayed at Andy's that whole week, I didn't bother going back to my place. I didn't want to get asked question after question, I'd rather feel content in Andy's arms. I was in his arms as he was sleeping. I grabbed my phone and turned it on after a week. 4 voicemails and 12 messages from Brooke, fuck she's pathetic. "**Shaun, please speak to me. I'm worried about you. You'll never know how sorry I am**" I sighed and replied "**I'm not bothering to read all of those texts. I'm just telling you this, you're pathetic. I'm with Andy, don't even come around here, he's amazing compared to you. I feel loved with him, not used. Thanks for cheating. I guess I deserved it? Whatever. Bye.**" I looked up at Andy and bit my lip, he really was the best I'll ever get. He's been here for me since the start. I leant up and kissed his cheek softly, suddenly his eyes fluttered open and looked at me, his face suddenly lit up, I smiled.  
"Morning gorgeous" I smiled  
"Hey beautiful" he pecked my lips softly, I kissed him back  
"ew, morning breath" I giggled  
"well, I better go brush my teeth" he started to get up, I pulled him back  
"no"  
"Sha-" I smashed my lips to his, putting my hand on his cheek, I kissed him soft and slow, he smiled under the kiss and exhaled softly, pulling away slowly and kept his head to mine.  
"Shaun, we need to go out baby, buy a few things" he eskimo kissed me and looked in my eyes,I got butterflies as he got up.  
"okay Andy boo" I giggled and sat up stretching as he went out to have a shower. I got up giggling and snuck into the bathroom slowly as he was having a shower, I slid my pants off and since I was already shirtless I slowly snuck into the shower, wrapping my arms around the back of his waist. He jumped slightly.  
"Hey there stranger" he giggled  
"Hey.." I kissed his shoulder softly  
"Shaun, what are you doing bub" he turned around and looked into my eyes, I bit my lip  
"Sharing a shower with the man I missed and love." He smiled  
"well, do you need help getting clean?"  
"no, I didn't really need a shower, I just wanted to be with the man I love, I don't want to be alone…" I smiled, he backed me into the shower wall and ran his fingers through my hair, we were chest to chest.  
"I love you so much Andy" I bit my lip  
"I love you too Shaun…so, so much" he whispered, leaning in. I closed my eyes and entered the embrace, he kissed my lips softly, I loved how our lips fitted perfectly. We kissed in motion slowly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, the hot water was running through his hair and down his body and slowly made its way down my cold body. I exhaled as he slid his tongue in, I battled with his tongue slowly for a while then bit his bottom lip slowly, he exhaled a moan and kissed my top lip as I kissed his bottom, I felt the water slowly get colder and colder, trickling down my body, making me shiver. I pulled away slowly.  
"I-…I think that's how sign to get out…"  
he giggled "I guess it is, damn waters a cockblock"  
I laughed "fuck, I love you Andy"  
"I love you too Shaun" he smiled and turned around and turned the shower off, he got up and wrapped a towel around his waist, I leaned against the shower wall breathless, why do I just want him to fuck me and then for me to fuck him. I want to feel as close as I can with him, I stared over at him as he fixed his hair in the mirror.  
"baby, get out of there, you'll freeze" he said, coming over to me, I shook my head back to reality as he wrapped a towel around me, I smiled and got out, pushing myself into him, he wrapped his arms around me smiling.  
"you're amazing" I whispered  
"you are too Shaun, so amazing"  
"doubt it"  
"no, you truly are. Now let's get dressed so you don't get a cold"  
"okaaay" I smiled and walked with him to his room, I grabbed my shirt and jeans, putting them on then slid my jeans on after putting on my underwear. I looked over at him, he was dressed and ready to go.  
"ready?"  
"only if you are"  
"I'm always ready, come on." He grabbed me by the waist and walked me to the car.

After hours of going to the shops, being greeted by fans and acting like we're just friends, which sucked a lot, we went home. We bought some clothes, food, little things from the shops and so on. After putting the food away I sat on the couch and he laid down, resting his head on my legs and watched TV. I looked down at him, he looked up at me.  
"Shaun, would you ever take back Brooke?" I frowned  
"no, not now, I couldn't. and I'm with you now so why would it matter?"  
"I just..." he looked at the TV and mumbled "I can't lose you again"  
"baby, sit up" he got up and looked at me, I put my hand on his cheek and stroked it softly with my thumb.  
"you'd never lose me, no matter what, you're my other half Andy"  
"really?"  
"yes. You make me feel whole. Without you I'm nothing at all"  
"I fucking love you…" he looked deep in my eyes, I smiled and leaned in whispering "I love you too.." I felt his hot breath against my lips that made instant butterflies, I leaned in and kissed him slow but passionate, running a hand through his hair, he slowly moved and got on top of me, running his hand down my chest, I slid my tongue along his bottom lip, he slid his tongue slowly along mine, I slid my hands to his ass, running my finger slowly over where his crack is. He moaned softly. I actually have no idea how to fuck a man, but I wanted to fuck him more than any man I've ever known. I pushed his ass down, making our crotches touch, he was hard, I moaned and made out with him deeply, our tongues battled roughly as we moaned in unison. He pulled away quickly.  
"fucking hell Shaun, I want you." He smashed his lips back to mine, I exhaled a moan and got up with him, wrapping his legs around my hips and carried him to his room and laid him down, I got on top of him, motioning back into the kiss, he pushed his tongue in, we battled each other's tongues passionately as I unbuttoned my shirt, throwing it on the floor. Moments passed, we were naked, I kissed my way to his neck, giving him a love bite, I sucked on the spot and bit it softly, he moaned louder, I ran my tongue down his body, over his nipple, I looked at him, he had his head tilted back and bit his lip, I ran my tongue lower and lower, running it up his length.  
"Oh Shaun…fuck me" he said softly in an-almost-whimper manner. I smirked and breathed shakily. I was scared, what if I hurt him? I slowly crawled up till we were face to face, I bit his lip quickly. I spread his legs and grabbed his hips.  
"Ready?"  
"a-always"  
"good.." I pushed into him slowly, fuck. He was tight as.  
"oh!" he whimpered, scrunching his face up  
I put my hand on his cheek and looked in his eyes "if it starts to hurt, tell me to stop k-kay?"  
"I-I don't want you to stop, keep going" I bit my lip and thrusted in and out slowly, he was moaning uncontrollably. Fuck, it was hot. I started to sped up as we were rocking at a good pace.  
"Fuck Shaun!" he groaned, pushing his face into my shoulder. This felt so good, it was perfection for me, I tilted him up a bit and held him close by the back, going harder, panting softly.  
"y-you're so fucking tight"  
"s-sorry" he moaned  
"d-don't be. It's amazing" I smirked, kissing his shoulder as I laid him back down, thrusting as fast as I could, he was crying out and moaning uncontrollably.  
"FUCK SHAUN M-MMM" he bit his lip, I cried out softly, it made me want more and more. I kissed his neck softly and pushed as deep as I could, hitting his prostate. We were both sweaty and hot, he started to reach orgasm. He panted.  
"fuck Shaun, don't stop. Fuck, fuck, fuck" he threw his head back as I went at a steady pace, he suddenly came on my chest, I started to thrust more jaggedly, Andy was moaning louder. I inhaled sharply "fuck, I'm close" I groaned, he opened his eyes wide and pushed me down. He started to suck my length hard and fast, I threw my head back and groaned.  
"oh god!" he rubbed the head with his tongue and sucked me harder, I felt like exploding then and there. I felt my stomach knot and started to orgasm.  
"fuck Andy. Right there baby" I ran my fingers through his hair and helped him suck up my length faster and faster, I cried out loudly "YES!" and then it happened, I came into his mouth, he swallowed and pulled away, I looked down at him amazed.  
"h-how'd you learn to do that?" I said breathlessly  
"porno" he giggled breathlessly, I smirked.  
"and why did you have to do that?"  
"we forgot protection, I don't want aids"  
"true.." I sat up and got under the covers as did he, he snuggled up to me, I wrapped my arm around him.  
"Shaun, that was amazing"  
"I-I know, I've been waiting for this moment for so long"  
"so have I" he looked up into my eyes, I looked into his  
"when will I get my turn?" I giggled  
"one day" he winked, I blushed slightly  
"fuck, I missed you so much" I kissed his nose softly, he yawned and giggled.  
"I'm really tired baby, can we sleep now" he said, playing with my chest hair lovingly  
"sure baby…and I really need to wax that"  
"I love it though"  
"then, maybe I won't"  
"okay" he giggled then laid down, I laid down next to me, I kissed his cheek softly.  
"good night beautiful"  
"you too, I love you" he yawned  
"I love you too" we smiled, he turned over, I spooned him slowly and closed my eyes. Before I knew it. I was asleep. Sex with Andy wears you out.


	16. Chapter 16

I woke up before Andy, he was completely knocked out. I must be good then. I giggled softly to myself and looked up to the roof and remembered looking into his blue, lustful eyes, as he begged for more, the lovingly stare he gave me, the way he ran his fingers down my sweaty back. I honestly don't think it gets any better than that. Feeling that close to the man I love, is the best thing that'd ever happen to me. I remembered his heavy breathing, the way our lips lightly brushed, the butterflies and adrenaline that filled me, me and him, like that. Made me whole. I felt amazing. It wasn't just sex like I'd have with Brooke. It was love, his blue eyes looking back in mine, the way he threw his head back. The way he said my name, with instant pleasure. I wish that could last forever. It was just that great, I looked over at him and played with his hair softly, kissing his back softly, he made a little noise and woke up, turning slowly to me.  
"Shaun" he smiled  
"hey baby" I smiled back  
"that wasn't a dream was it?"  
"no. it was real, and amazing"  
"I don't think anything could be any better than that"  
"neither" he wrapped his arms around my neck  
"what's even more amazing is waking up naked next to you and getting to feel your soft ivory skin touch my body" I added  
"I love you so much baby" he kissed me softly, I kissed him back and smiled.  
"I love you too baby.." I nuzzled my nose with his, he scrunched his face up and giggled  
"so what's on the agenda of Shaun and Andy today?"  
"hmm, let me think. We might need to stop by mums and tell her that I'm okay and stuff"  
"oh yeah, you never want your mum to be worried. Worried mums are the worse"  
"I know right" I giggled "come on" we got up and got ready.

later, we got to mums, we walked out and walked inside.  
"MUM, YOU HOME? IT'S SHAUN!"  
"oh honey, you're home, we're in the lounge!"  
we walked in, dad was there too.  
"oh hey dad"  
"hey son, hey Andy"  
"h-hey Mr Diviney" I looked over to Andy, Andy has only seen my dad once. When I was depressed and we broke up.  
"how you both doing"  
"great" he said  
"wonderful dad...w-what are you doing here?" I went and sat next to mum, Andy sat next to me  
"I came to pick up Liam, he has a dad thing to attend at school"  
"oh okay. Well I just came to tell mum that I'm okay" I smiled at mum, she smiled at me  
"well it's good to know you're okay" she put her hand on my back  
"now why were you upset?" dad but in  
"I…I had a girlfriend" I bit my lip  
"you HAD a girlfriend? What, you too dorky for her or something?"  
"stop, why are you being a dick to him?" mum told him, Andy was in his own world right then and there.  
"because I deserve to know these things!"  
"well maybe he's still upset about them!" I Stood up  
"SHUT UP! THE BOTH OF YOU! SHE CHEATED ON ME OKAY, AND IT KILLED ME, SHE CHEATED WITH THE GUY WHO USED TO BASH ME UP AND NOW I'VE BEEN STAYING AT ANDY'S BECAUSE I'M JUST GONNA GET SHIT LIKE THIS IF I STAYED HERE" Andy looked up at me, I looked at him "let's go babe.." he mouthed, I sighed shakily.  
"no surprise she cheated, you're the only Diviney that looks gayish and sucks in bed …and probably is still a virgin. Hey, where's your eyeliner today son?"  
"fuck off dad, I used to put up with this growing up and now, I definitely do not need it!" I walked out, Andy ran after me and grabbed my hand.  
"baby, you okay?"  
"no, I wanna go home, but I have none. Can I just sleep?"  
"let's go back to mine baby, come on" he pulled me out to the car, we both got in and I looked at him, I felt like crying.  
"Baby don't cry..."  
"My dad's a bastard" I sniffed  
"please, please don't cry" he whispered and put his hand on my cheek  
"I-I'm sorry" a tear rolled  
"baby…" he wrapped his arms around me and closed his eyes; I pushed him away slowly and kissed his lips.  
"I love you..." I whispered  
"I love you too…" he whispered back. Suddenly I heard the door open; I turned around to see a slightly disgusted father.  
"Shit…" he grabbed me by the shirt, pulled me out of the car and pushed me against the car, I groaned. Andy got out.  
"I knew you were a faggot ass fucking loser"  
"dad..s-stop"  
"LET HIM GO!" Andy yelled  
"shut up ass licker" he said then looked back at me, slapping me across the face. "You're a soulless fucking beast. I regret you, so much" he pushed me against the car, Andy ran around and pushed him off me and wrapped his arms around me. Mum came running and pulled him away. I snuggled into Andy, he consoled me lovingly, I bursted into tears.  
"sh baby, you're perfect to me"  
"I-I wish I was never born"  
"no baby please don't say that…you're everything to me" he kissed my head softly, I heard the argument in the background.  
"There's nothing wrong with being in love with the same sex!" my mum said  
"nothing wrong? Do you want him to get aids and die? It's disgusting, sinful. I can't believe you raised him!"  
"he's your son too and you raised him!"  
"maybe I don't want him to be and I hate him!"  
"well you're the one who put him inside me, he's your son. Get over it"  
"I won't get over it! My son is a faggot with a shitty band. I hope he gets raped and gets his throat slit. He is a soulless fucker, I can't believe he's my son! He's a disappointment to our family!"  
"I think I'm going to be sick…" I mumbled and ran out of Andy's arms, he ran after me, I got to the bathroom and locked the door, a kneeled down in front of the toilet and puked, the fowl taste was stuck in my mouth, I spat in the toilet and sniffed as I flushed the toilet, I closed the lid and sat on it, bursting into more tears. I hate my father, to my absolute core. He wants me dead. I wish I was dead, _I wish I was dead_. All I could hear was screaming by my parents and Andy, it's like when I was little all over again, I was 6. I sat in my room playing with my toys and all I could hear was screaming, my mum got slapped, dad walked out. All I could hear was a bang and mums sobbing as dad slammed the door. I was scared so much. I lifted my sleeve. I think it's time I released my worthlessness. I opened the cupboard and grabbed the razor I hid it there a while back. I wiped my eyes dry of tears and slid it down my wrist, blood swelled out which made me calm. I sat against the door and slid my pants down a fraction. Stabbing and dragging it against my skin. All I could hear was arguing, I threw the razor across the room and slid down till I was lying on the floor, tears ran down my face still, why must all this shit happen to me? I closed my eyes and suddenly woke up to someone banging on the door.  
"SHAUN, COME OUT OF THERE PLEASE!" I heard Andy  
"please be okay baby, please open the door" I heard him cry, rattling the handle. I groaned and sat up.  
"A-Andy…"  
"SHAUN! Let me in please, please…"  
"I-In a minute" I sniffed and pulled my pants up and grabbed a band aid, putting it on my wrist cut and opened the door slowly. Andy quickly wrapped his arms around me.  
"baby, please tell me you're okay. Please baby please, please"  
"why does everything bad happen to me…?" I sniffed. He hugged me tighter, I groaned.  
"no, that's not true. You're amazing. You okay baby?"  
"I-I'm fine. My head hurts because I fell asleep on the floor"  
"oh god. I'm so sorry" he kissed my head, another tear rolled, I wiped it away.  
"don't be..w-where's mum?"  
"she's lying down, your dad took off. Liam is just in his room quiet"  
"I never asked about dad nor Liam…let's just go" I walked away and went to the car, he got in too.  
"baby, we'll be okay"  
"I hope so…"  
he sighed and drove away. I just want to die. I don't know what will make me happy again.

we got home, I walked in and crashed on the couch, my face was the same sad expression as it was ten minutes ago.  
"Shaun, you okay?" I heard Bradie. I didn't respond  
"Bradie…I think it's best if you just went to your room…Shaun's really sad" Andy said  
"oh, gotcha, see you at dinner"  
"okay.." he sat next to me and wrapped an arm around me, I jolted away.  
"baby, let me hold you at least?"  
"I want to be alone" I started to cry again, as soon as I speak, I cry. I got up and went to the bedroom, lying down. Andy came in and lied next to me.  
"baby, look in my eyes" he said, I looked up into them  
"forget about them…remember what last night felt like. My skin on your skin, my lips brushing yours, our hearts beating at over 100ks per second. Who cares about them. At least you've got love…" I smiled slightly remembering. It really was great.  
"thank you baby, I love you" I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him softly, he kissed me back deeply. Fuck, he's horny. He pushed me down and got on top whispering. "I think it's my turn to love you…" he kissed my neck slowly and unbuttoned my shirt, kissing down my chest slowly with tongue and cupped me, I moaned softly and bit my lip. I've wanted him to fuck me for so long.  
"Andy baby…"  
"mhm?" he said, running his tongue over my nipple and down to my lower stomach  
"I love you"  
"I love you too" he mumbled, I bit my lip, containing my moans, he slid my pants down slowly and kissed the big bulge in my underwear, I moaned softly and looked down at him, he opened his eyes and gasped, sitting up. Fuck, my cuts.  
"baby, it's not what you think." I slid my pants back up  
"S-Shaun, how could you…you've been so good"  
"baby, just love me please, please don't, not" I sat up and wrapped my arms around his neck. I can't even speak properly  
"I-I don't know"  
"please…" I moaned softly in his ear and kissed his neck softly with tongue, he pushed me off.  
"no Shaun, I can't. I don't…I just don't feel like it now"  
"please baby…please make me feel better, please…"  
"I need to go…" he got up, I suddenly bursted into tears again  
"don't do this to me, I feel like dying already, you're my only hope, you're my boyfriend, you're supposed to make me feel better"  
"well, I'm the reason you're like this so yeah, I clearly don't help. I just need alone time. Bye Shaun" he walked to the door and opened it.  
"I-I love you so much" I said and then he slammed the door. All I want is to be happy. I feel so alone. I got up and stood in front of Andy's mirror, pulling down my pants, I counted the cuts, 17, 18 plus the one on my wrist. I got into his track pants and hoodie and got under the covers, cuddling up and sniffing his clothes. This was as close as I will get to him holding me right now I guess, I closed my eyes and cuddled his pillow, I couldn't believe my life right now. The girl I loved and trusted cheated and then my dad slaps me and calls me a soulless monster and shit and now the love of my life won't speak to me.

I tried to sleep for about half an hour, I was hoping Andy would come back but I think he went out with Bradie, I haven't heard a thing. I sat up. Maybe I should write some songs. I grabbed my writing book that I take everywhere and grabbed a pen. Music was one of my only escapes; I hummed to myself for a while and started to write some things. 'but I've got no soul, call the doctor, I cant stop her. We're keeping the faith alive. Help me father, I don't think I'm ever gonna come down, I feel totally fixated, unappreciated. ' meh, fuck it. I'm shit at everything I do now. I put away and lied back down. I closed my eyes and sighed, smelling Andy's scent under my nose, I felt a tear slip it's way down my face as I slowly fell asleep.

I woke up to music pumping and people talking loudly, I looked at the time, 2am, I sighed and got up, making my way out to the lounge. Jimmy, Jumpnow, Bradie, Sonny, Lewis, Andy, they were all there. Andy came over to me and grabbed my hand.  
"come on sexy let's play some beer pong"  
"Andy, you're drunk…"  
"no I'm not babe, come on" he tugged me toward the guys  
"hey Shaun!" they all said  
"hi" I dully replied, Andy kissed my cheek and sat down, the alcohol stench struck my nostrils.  
"sit down baby" he slapped my ass  
"Andy, stop…" I sat down next to him. What the fuck was wrong with him.  
"come on baby" he pulled me firecley to his side and kissed my cheek, I pushed him off an stood up " .alone" I stormed into his room and shut the door, sliding down. Can't he see that all I want to do is die? And he's drunk and playing beer pong with the guys. Can't he see that I need him more than anything right now? I felt a push on the door.  
"what?!" I said fiercely  
"It's Bradie"  
I sighed and crawled up onto the bed "come in" Bradie came in and sat next to me  
"you okay Shaun?"  
"I-I don't know…why is Andy drunk, all I need is to be held…"  
"Andy just doesn't know how to take it, he came to me crying Shaun, he was saying how much you meant to him and how he can't live without you, he really loves you Shaun, he's just finding it hard to cope with all of your drama"  
"w-why? All I need is him…"  
he sighed "because…because it's reminded him of the past…"  
"o-oh.."  
"you okay Shaun?"  
"can you just go? I want to be alone, or with h-him"  
"I understand…" he bit his lip and got up, walking out. I got under the covers and cuddled up. I feel so alone, so worthless.

Later, after an hour or so of crying, Andy walked in, stumbling and falling on the bed, hugging my hips.  
"I love you" he said groggily  
"love you too…"  
"come on baby" he sat up and lied next to me, running his hand through my hair.  
"I'm sorry Shauny, I just wanted to love you but I'm so shit at relationships and I fuck up everything…" I turned around to him, he looked like he was going to cry.  
"Andy-"  
"I-I can never love anyone, I'm a fuck up Shaun, I can't even protect you."  
"Andy, baby. Calm down please, all I wanted was for you to hold me…"  
"I'm sorry. So, so sorry" he pulled me close and held me, I snuggled into his chest.  
"I felt so hopeless, alone" I felt tears come to my eyes  
"no, no baby, you're perfect an you have me, always for-…I think I'm gonna be sick" he got up and ran to the toilet, I went after him. He threw up and groaned, lying down on the tiles. I flushed the toilet and sat next to him, pulling him into my arms and stroked his hair.  
"god Andy, you're so wasted" I giggled slightly  
"just promise me something Shaun, promise we'll grow old together, adopt a child, hopefully get married. I'm so in love with you and your sexy ass, when we made love. It was incredible, just. Marry…me…" he drifted to sleep in my arms, I bit my lip, my smile huge, whispering "I promise baby…and I would marry you if I could" I smiled slightly and picked him up in my arms and carried him to the bed, putting him down and laid next to him, pulling the cover over us.  
"I love you Andy" I whispered and slowly fell asleep.

ANDY P.O.V

I woke up the next day, hangover as hell. The only thing I remember last is walking out on Shaun and getting the guys and playing beer pong, not even bothering with Shaun. Which I regret. I couldn't handle the pressure, I knew he needed me, all I wanted to do was love and hold him but, I couldn't handle it. All the past memories came flooding back. I groaned and looked over at the peacefully sleeping Shaun. I don't want to lose him again. I can't lose him again. I just can't. He means the world to me and I just can't lose him. What if I already lost him? Fuck, what happened last night. My head hurts and it hurts more along with my heart when I think of losing or hurting Shaun again. I kissed his head softly then stared up at the roof. When me and Shaun had sex, it felt amazing being so close. I just want him to hold me and love me, brush my lips with his, feel the pleasure he feels, running his fingers down his back. Thinking these things don't make me horny, it makes me miss him and want more. I just want him to love me like that forever. If only his father didn't fuck everything up for us. I love him so much and I feel like I'm losing him. Like he's slipping through my fingers. I sighed as Shaun slowly woke up.  
"A-Andy…"  
"yes Shaun" I looked into his eyes  
he bit his lip "was…was what you said last night true?"  
"what? What did I say?" I faced him  
"y-you said you wanted to grow old with me, adopt a child with me…marry me…"  
"I said that?" fuck. I let it all out. What I was thinking after the sex.  
"yeah...I'm just wondering if you meant it?"  
"of…of course I meant it, I can't imagine my life any other way"  
"r-really?" his face brightened up a little  
"yes! You're my forever…"  
"I love you so much Andy!" he jumped on me and wrapped his arms around my neck, I hugged him back lovingly around his waist.  
"I love you too Shaun, so much…" he snuggled into me. I love him so much, why must I fuck up all the time?

SHAUN P.O.V

_**a couple weeks later…**_

it's been two weeks now, I guess I'm recovering. Recording in the studio got my mind off things, I've been writing a lot lately. Andy has been more comforting too. He actually loves and cares for me. I'm so in love with him. Andy walked in and ran up to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.  
"hey Shauny" he smiled  
"Hey" I giggled "I cooked some pancakes if you'd like some?" I asked  
"no thank you, I had lunch with Bradie"  
"okay, more for me then" I smirked and grabbed the plate of pancakes, sitting at the table and starting to eat them, Andy sat next to me and started scrolling his Facebook on his phone.  
"gah, Brooke's status' about wanting you back are flooding my newsfeed" he sighed  
"baby, I wouldn't let her, at least not for a while"  
"what do you mean, 'not for a while'"  
"I mean, I won't speak to her at all for a while"  
"oh, I see"  
"Andy. Are you…are you jealous?"  
"me? Jealous? Never, I'm not that type of guy" he said, getting up.  
"uh…huh" I said, biting my lip and getting up, putting my plate in the dishwasher  
"I'm really not"  
"you've denied that of Brooke so many times"  
"so what, I'm a little jealous of a stunning beautiful blonde who gets a good perfect man like you and is always taking you away. I'm sick of it happening over and over"  
"it's only happened twice…"  
"yeah, twice. Just, forget it Shaun…" he stormed to the bedroom, I went after him  
"Andy!"  
"no Shaun, you don't get it. Have you ever felt this way when I was with Sarah? Or any of my ex's? no? well that's a surprise" he sat on the side of the bed, putting his face in his hands, I sat next to him and put my hand on his back.  
"Andy, I was a little jealous but we're best friends-"  
"no, we're boyfriends. We used to be ex-boyfriends and best friends"  
"so? I'm still here for you 100%. Can we just move on from this?"  
"hmm I guess so"  
"thank you" I kissed his cheek softly "I love you Andy"  
"I love you too" he looked at me and kissed me softly, I smiled and kissed him back softly, he put his hand on my cheek and kissed me soft and slow, I kissed him back in motion, breathing deeply then pulled away.  
"Shaun"  
"yes Andy?"  
"It's my birthday soon"  
"wow, really?" I grabbed my phone and realised the date, the 18th. Shit. It's next week.  
"sorry Andy. these last weeks have gone fast and-"  
"it's fine Shaun" he smiled  
"good" I bit my lip. I seriously need to buy him something.

I walked out and drove Andy's car to the shop. What am I going to buy for him? What would he like? I bit my lip and walked in, where do I start? I walked down and looked around, I don't know what he'd like. Oh, I know. After searching around and looking I found rose petals and bought some candles. Cheesy, I know. But I was going to give him one of the most amazing romantic birthday, just me and him, maybe even prepare for 'love making'. I just want him to feel happy, I included. I made my way to the car with them and made my way home, by home I mean Andy's house. When I got to Andy's I quickly hid it in his room, I'll ask Bradie to leave for the night, I want to make it the best night he's had since the sex. I walked out and chilled on the couch casually, checking twitter on my phone and replying to fans that badly want a reply and giggled at some. The fans make me smile and laugh. Half of them are asking about the album we've been working on, it's nearly finished. By nearly I mean not even close, we're missing a few bits and pieces. It'll be out mid-November we hope. Andy walked in suddenly, I sat up.  
"Hey baby" he smiled, I got up and ran to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.  
"Hey cutie, what you been up to?"  
"just went to Shan's for a catch up"  
"awesome" I smiled and heard my phone go off, Andy went and took it.  
"ha…ha" he said, looking at it.  
"what is it babe…?" I walked to him slowly  
"oh you know, just Brooke "hey babe, we should catch up soon, speak about a few things, please text back" ex oh ex oh" he said childishly and smiled jealously.  
"what?!" I ran to him and grabbed it "this is the first message I've gotten from her…"  
"great, fucking great, she's taking you away from me" Andy sighed, sitting on the couch, I sat next to him, looking at the message.  
"I wouldn't Andy…" I looked at him, he looked back at me.  
"y-you sure?"  
"positive, c'mere" I pulled him close and kissed his head softly, he smiled.  
"I'll just text her a simple no and that'll be the end of it" I texted 'no' and sent it, looking at him, he smiled at me, looking in my eyes.  
"thank you baby, I love you"  
"I love you too Andy…"  
I can't believe Brooke did that, she really wants me, she's fucking with me. She'd rather me be with her and be forever alone rather than with Andy, I know it.

* * *

ANDY P.O.V

it's been a week since Brooke sent that text. And yes, that means it's my birthday, Shaun decided to go home yesterday, all I want is him, I don't know how I can trust him around Brooke especially, or with his mum, brothers, dad. I need him okay and safe. I got up and grabbed juice from the fridge, pouring it in the glass and had a sip, Bradie walked in with his girlfriend, fuck, I could have at least put proper pants on.  
I smiled at them. "morning"  
"Happy Birthday Andy" she said  
"yeah, Happy Birthday bro, I have something for you" he smiled that huge smile, taking Britta and himself to his room, I had another gulp of my juice as he came out with a small present, passing it to me, I grabbed it and smiled at him, ripping it open. I stared at him.  
"you like?" he laughed  
"spyro, you got me spyro?"  
"well, you keep complaining about how you never got to finish it so yeah"  
"I don't even own an xbox 360"  
"that's when this comes in…BABE!" She came out with a big wrapped up box, I unwrapped to see an xbox 360.  
"oh my god, thank you guys so much" I hugged them both  
"It's okay Andy" she smiled, I smiled back.  
"oh, and go to dad and stuff, they have a present for you"  
"okay, let me have a shower and dress more appropriate" we giggled and I ran to the bathroom, locking the door and started the shower. I have a feeling this day may actually be great.

After my shower I got dressed and went to mum. She hugged me tight.  
"Happy Birthday"  
"thanks mum" I smiled, Gerald came out with a big-ish box and passed it to me  
"Happy Birthday Andy" he smiled  
"thanks Gerald" I ripped off the wrapping and smiled, him and mum got me a MacBook.  
"Oh my god thank you so much mum and Gerald" I hugged them both, they smiled.  
"it's okay honey" mum said  
"go put it together" Gerald smiled, I swear his smile is just like Bradie's.  
"okay!" I smiled big and grabbed the box, running to my room, I pulled out my new MacBook and sat it on my desk and did as the instructions said…and now I'm bored. I looked over to my Xbox box and grabbed it, setting it all up and then put in spyro. May as well make time go by fast so Shaun gets here quicker. I giggled to myself and sat on the floor in front of the tv in my room and started playing. It was exactly how I had remembered it, the little purple dragon. I giggled again at my stupidness then heard a knock at the door, I paused the game and looked at my phone. "5:00? Shit!" I whispered to myself, I got up and ran to the door, opening it to see Shaun, I smiled.  
"Hey beautiful" he said, smiling and kissing my cheek softly, I bit my lip.  
"hey…" He looked and smelt more amazing than usual. I am so lucky to have him. He turned to me "Hey baby, is Bradie here?"  
"nope, him and Britta left whilst I was talking to mum"  
he walked up to me and put his hand on my cheeks softly, he smiled.  
"Happy Birthday gorgeous"  
"thank you Shaun" I giggled softly, looking into his deep blue eyes  
"now" he said, snapping me back into reality "you sit back and relax and I'll cook us some food"  
"okay baby, don't blow up the kitchen" I laughed, he giggled.  
"I won't…hey, what did you get from everyone?"  
"well, I got a Xbox and spyro game from Bradie"  
"is that meant to be a joke?"  
"no, he actually gave it to me, and I'm usually the one who jokes about it"  
"that is very true" he smiled "what else did you get?"  
"I got a MacBook from Gerald and mum. I like, flipped over in my head"  
"wow, my present won't beat that…and hey, you could start putting that doco of us like you wanted" I walked over to him and put my hands on his chest. "you being here, is the best present ever…and yeah, maybe. Gotta get all the clips sorted first" he blushed slightly at my first comment.  
"fuck, you're amazing"  
"hey, hey, I'm gonna go sit down now whilst my wonderful boyfriend fixes up dinner!" I giggled and made my way the couch, turning on the tv. He started cooking from what I could smell, my tastebuds wanting some of whatever it was. After he finished cooking he called me over to the table, I got up to see an amazing steak with chips and salad dinner with two glasses of champagne and rose petals laid on the table with a candle in the middle, I smiled big and made my way to the table and sat down.  
"thank you so much Shaun, I love you so much, this looks so good"  
"you're welcome babe" he smiled and sat across from me, we started to eat a bit and then Shaun lifted his glass.  
"Here's to the most beautiful man on his 23rd birthday, I love you so much Andy"  
I smiled and clinked his glass with mine. "Cheers and thank you" I winked and took a sip as did he. We continued to eat and talk about how life was all that time ago in high school.  
"you know, I think that without you I'd be nothing at all" Shaun said, smiling at me, I smiled back.  
"I think I wouldn't even be alive right now if it weren't for you Shaun"  
"I love you Andy"  
"I love you too Shaun" I smiled.  
We both finished our dinner and he grabbed mine along with his own plate and put it in the sink, I had a sip of my drink and stood up.  
"Shaun, honestly, this is the best thing you've ever done"  
"I do all I can for the ones I love" he turned to me smiling.  
I blushed slightly and bit my lip "so what's next?"  
"we can watch a movie? And it's your choice" he winked  
"ahhh, stuff you." I giggled and looked through the movie collection, I saw movies from Nemo to Titanic, I pulled out Spiderman.  
"this?" I asked  
"perfect, just like you" Shaun giggled and sat down on the couch, I put the dvd on and sat next to him, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I smiled and looked up into his beautiful blue eyes, he looked back in mine, my heart instantly skipped a beat. Fuck, I was so in love. He kissed my cheek lightly and sang softly in my ear.  
"I can't do anything right, so I sell my soul to the night, to be setting fire with you, I can't take this anymore, with you I fall through the floors , without you I'm nothing at all…" My heart melted at that soothing voice in my ear, I looked at him.  
"you're amazing Shaun…"  
"I did write that song towards you" he smiled, I put my hands on his cheeks.  
"I fucking love you" I smashed my lips to his, closing my eyes, he put his hands on my waist, grabbing my shirt and kissed me soft but passionate; I slowly got on top of him, kissing him deeply. Shaun smiled under the kiss and ran his hand up my back, sliding his tongue along my bottom lip, begging for entry, I opened my mouth slowly, running my tongue around his. I don't know what had just gotten into me. I couldn't resist the urge not to be this close to him. I've wanted him for weeks now. Our tongue battled for a couple minutes, my heart was beating so fast, I felt him start to get harder beneath me, I smirked and giggled, he pulled away and put his finger on my lips.  
"sh…"  
I looked in his eyes and kissed his finger softly, he smiled at me and then bit his lip.  
"wanna take this to the bedroom?" I nodded and got off him, he got up and then wrapped his arms around my waist from the back, I smiled, he started kissing my neck slowly with his tongue, sucking on it softly, I moaned softly.  
"god, Shaun…" I felt him smirk, I pulled out of his grip and grabbed his hand, dragging him to my bedroom, closing the door. He ran up to me, pushing me up against the door, smashing our lips back together, I pushed my tongue in, our tongues battled deeply as he started to push his crotch on mine, I groaned loudly and threw my head back.  
"fuck, Shaun…" He picked me up and put me on the bed, getting on top of me and started sucking on my neck again, massaging the spot with his tongue. He slowly unbuttoned my shirt, running his fingers over my nipple, I moaned loudly and took his shirt off as he did to me. Biting my neck, he pulled my pants down, I bit my lip and pushed his pants down with my feet. I reached my hand to the bed side drawer and pulled out a condom, He looked into my eyes as I held it, he grabbed it off me and ripped it open with his teeth, throwing the packet away and sliding it on his length, I spread my legs and closed my eyes. I knew what was next. He slowly thrusted into me, I scrunched my face up and moaned.  
"oh fuck…"  
"mhm…" he moaned, going harder. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed my neck again, I cried out as he started going faster, I ran my fingers through his hair, he pushed deeper and faster. We rocked at an even pace, my breath went from even to heavy, he panted as he went faster, I wrapped my legs around his hips, he wrapped his arms around me and sat up, thrusting into me, I threw my head back.  
"Oh Shaun! Fuck…right there" He kissed my neck roughly with tongue, moaning loudly in pleasure. I ran my hand down his sweaty back, trying to grip on. I felt my stomach knot and clenched my eyes shut as I started to reach my climax.  
"I-I'm gonna cum!"  
"s-same!" He groaned and laid me back down, thrusting faster until he started going more jaggedly, I started to orgasm and cried out loudly "FUCK YES!" I screamed as I came on his chest, he whimpered and panted, cumming into me, riding out his orgasm he pulled out and collapsed next to me, breathing heavily.  
"oh wow…" he said breathless  
I turned my head to him. "that was amazing" I smiled, he smiled back and put his hand on my cheek, kissing me softly.  
"Happy Birthday Andy…"  
"thank you Shaun"  
He got up and cleaned up, I stretched and looked at him as he came back.  
"I love you so much Shaun"  
He smiled and laid next to me again, he pulled the covers over us, snuggling up to me.  
"I love you too Andy, I hope you had a good birthday"  
"this has to be, the best birthday I have had" I smiled and kissed his head lightly  
"really? I tried so much to make you happy baby"  
"well thank you, so much" I smiled, he smiled back  
"Sleepy time?"  
"I think so" I yawned, he giggled and closed his eyes, pulling me into the spooning position.  
"ni-night Andy…" he said softly  
"night baby…" I said quietly, slowly drifting to sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

SHAUN P.O.V

7 months have gone by, 7 months of being busy, busy, busy. Me and Andy couldn't be together or else I'd lose track of thought, I spent a lot of time being isolated in my room back home with just my guitar, pen and writing book. So many words from my head flooded the pages, so many songs about love, lust, confusing, heartbreak…having no "soul"…We went to London, recorded a little and came back, released singles and so on, tomorrow, we're releasing the new album This is Bat Country. Many fans hate the way we changed, but I hope they can grow to like it. The song on this album is like a twisted love story, _my life is a twisted love story. _I lied in my new double bed at home, looking at the posters that surrounded me. It's weird. I have posters of half-naked girls on my wall and think they're hot but I only like one guy, Andy. oh, and my man crush for Gerard Way. Speaking of Andy, he was coming over soon. I got up and fixed my hair properly and got changed out of my trackies. Horeur for the win. I laughed at myself and quickly tidied up my room.  
"Hey beautiful" I gasped and jumped up, it was Andy.  
"Hey baby, jeez you're quiet"  
"I was trying to be" he giggled  
"so, you staying the night?"  
"most definitely, your house is better than my house. Bradie and Britta are so weird, I can hear everything through my wall" I burst into laughter  
"maybe she's all 'oh my god Bradie, am I hurting you? I'm sorry' because he's more of a cuddler"  
"he does like cuddles, I've walked in his room numerous times cuddling something"  
"whilst having sexual dreams of spiderman"  
"oh definitely" we both laughed, Andy grabbed my hands, pulling me closer  
"so um, when was the last time…you…you know"  
"cut...?"  
"yeah"  
"about a month, I'll be fine, me and dad are trying to sort it out"  
"you sure he's okay now?"  
"he's always had some anger management, I think mums making him get help"  
"that's great news"  
"yeah, and what about you baby, cut recently?"  
"why would I need to harm myself when I've got everything I'll ever need right here" Andy smiled and leaned in, kissing me lightly, I smiled and kissed him back.  
"come on, let's go to video easy or something and get DVD's and practice for meet and greets"  
"sure" he smiled as we walked to the car, oh, I also got a full license in the 7 months.  
"who's driving?" I asked  
"not you. No offence, you're a bad driver"  
"that's not what my driver instructor said"  
"I know Shaun, but you're still a little off."  
"I know" I frowned and got in the passenger seat as Andy got in the front.  
"you'll get there, trust me, remember how long it took me?"  
"yeah but you're good and have control" I pouted.  
"I know baby, I know" he pouted playfully and started to drive  
"shuddup"  
"nup" He smiled, that glorious, beautiful smile  
"I love you so fucking much" I bit my lip  
"I love you too Shaun" he smiled and grabbed my hand as he drove, I held his hand and bit my lip, I am really so in love with this man.

After going to Video Easy and getting Toy Story 3 and crying at that movie and then watching some funny YouTube videos to cheer us up and answering formspring questions, eating pizza we decided to practice.  
"I swear Bradie better be practicing" I said, tuning my guitar  
"He would be, trust me. That's all he ever does"  
"that boy gets so lonely, it isn't even sad"  
"he has Britta there, she tries to sing, not too shabby"  
"that's awesome" I laughed "planets?"  
"what?" he said confused  
"are we practicing planets silly billy" I giggled  
"sure" he smiled and nodded at me telling me he was ready, we started playing the guitar and I sang.  
"Sweet heart, here's the sweet part, it's 5am and your lips are still amazing but they can't stop, me from falling off the rooftop singing." And then Andy joined in, I smiled as we sung "what planet are you from and are all the lights on? I don't know how to talk to you. And where did you come from what planet are you from? I can't believe the things you do, I'm reaching out, I'm reaching out, I'm reaching out to get to you"  
After practicing Andy crashed on my bed, I got into my pyjamas and sung softly "Sweet heart I'm here for you, to see your pretty face, I'd defy all the stars, to capture your embrace, sweet heart I'm holding out, sweet heart we're pulling through, sweet heart I'm reaching out, only to get to you…"  
"you have the most angelic voice Shaun, I swear on my life" I smiled and crashed next to him, putting my hand on his cheek.  
"it never used to be this good you know" I smiled  
"yeah, but apparently cum is good for your throat" he giggled, I bursted into laughter  
"Andy, it's been a while since I gave you a blow job, it's called honey, yogurt and wine"  
"yeah, cum"  
"ah, shush you"  
"make me" he giggled and kissed my nose  
"you're so amazing Andy" I kissed his cheek lightly, he turned his face, facing me properly  
"and you're so fucking beautiful…" He leaned in slowly, putting his hand softly on my cheek and whispered "cock block"  
"ah, fuck you hoe" I pushed him down playfully and got on top of him, pinning his hands down and smashed my lips to him, we kissed soft and slow for a minute or two until I pulled away.  
"I love you" I whispered  
"I love you too baby, can we sleep now?"  
"of course, big day tomorrow" we got under the covers and snuggled up, resting my hand on his chest. He likes to sleep naked. I made him wear underwear. Don't want to be raped. Haha.  
"I love our fans" Andy said softly  
"I love them too, they are just the best"  
"they really are, especially when they make fake accounts and make us get together, I love THAT the most" he laughed  
"yeah, I can agree on that" I laughed  
"night Shauny" he kissed my head softly then closed his eyes, as did I.  
"night…"

"SHAUN, SHAUN! SHAUN GET UP, WE'RE LATE!"  
I woke up suddenly and groaned, getting up, kissing him lightly "well good morning beautiful"  
"morning, now get ready" he said panicky  
"okay, okay, we'll make it, calm down" I took my clothes off and slided my jeans and black shirt on, quickly fixing my hair, put on a pair of Andy's sunglasses and sliding on my shoes, we made our way out to the car and to the store where we were doing our meet and greet.

After performing and breaking a sweat at how many people showed up, the fans are just full of surprises. After meeting them and taking photo after photo, we headed back home and crashed on the couch, Andy wrapping his arm around me, I tweeted thank you to everyone for coming out, same with Andy, he started giggling at his phone, I looked over. It was a picture of us from today, we were whispering to each other but it looked like I was going to kiss him, he tweeted the photo writing "that's hot" and bursted into laughter.  
"hey honey, we won cutest couple award"  
"well aren't we sexy?" I giggled  
"most definitely" he winked, I smiled and looked at my phone, replying to some mentions.  
"Hey baby"  
"yup?" I looked at him  
"kiss me"  
"why?"  
"just kiss me."  
"okay" I giggled and leaned in kissing him softly, he kissed me back soft and slow and then I heard a click noise, I pulled away and looked at him funny.  
"I just wanted a photo" he giggled  
"show me" I smiled, he showed me the picture, we both smiled into each other's eyes  
"I love you" we both said and bursted into more laughter.  
"but seriously, we look great together" Andy smiled back at the photo  
"it was meant to be" I snuggled into his side, he kissed my cheek  
"you are my forever, Shaun"  
"and you're mine" I smiled at him  
"I love you"  
"I love you too, so fucking much…oops, potty break" I said, Andy laughed as I got up and ran to the bathroom. After doing what I do and washing my hands, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket , it was a text…from Brooke '_**can we please meet up tomorrow? x**_' I stared at it for a long time, I sat behind the bathroom door and just stared at it. What the fuck am I meant to do? I want to, but I can't, Andy will kill me, or feel like his heart was ripped out. I want to know what she wants, but Andy's jealously issues would swallow him whole. I heard a knock on the door, I jumped back to reality and dropped my phone.  
"babe…Shaun…you okay?"  
"absolutely, fine. I-I'll be out in a sec" I said, stumbling for my phone, grabbed it and walked out, Andy looked at me curiously.  
"you okay?"  
"I'm fine baby, just feeling a bit tired"  
"okay, well, Bradie's here to take me home, I need to help him look after Chris, he has a cold or something"  
"oh, okay, I'll come to your place tomorrow night?"  
"sure baby, I love you" He kissed me softly and walked away  
"I love you too so fucking much!" I shouted  
"bye Shaun!" he closed the door. I went to my room and started shaking, the decision I'm going to choose will shoot Andy in the chest, but I need to know what's wrong with her I texted back '_**uh yeah. Sure. Why not. Meet up at my place okay?**_' I pressed send with half of me in regret, the only good part of me that was left. I don't know what's going to happen I just know it'll end terribly.

I woke up and groaned. I wish I could go back to yesterday and not have sent that. Andy will kill me. I know he will. I got out of bed and had my shower and got dressed, I checked my phone and he sent me the picture of us kissing then sent '_**I love you and miss you already, see you tonite x**_' I smiled, I really wish he learnt how to spell tough I texted back '_**I miss you too! I love you, can't wait x 3 **_' I did my hair quickly and had a sandwich. Then I heard a knock at the door, I started to panic and opened it, Brooke was there. Oh my fuck, she looked gorgeous, what have I done. She smiled.  
"Hey…" she said softly  
"H-Hi, hi, um, how are you?"  
"I'm great, I-I just thought we should catch up"  
"yeah" I bit my lip "o-oh, come in"  
"thanks" She stepped in and looked around  
"my room?" I asked, _what a stupid question  
_"sure" she smiled and walked in, I followed and closed the door, she sat on my bed and looked up at me.  
"soo…" I said awkwardly  
"uhm, how have you and Andy been"  
"amazing, incredible, actually. He's just…he's great"  
"that's great" she looked down, I sat next to her and looked at her, biting my lip  
"I-I'm not with Daniel, anymore…by the way" she looked at me  
"why…? What happened?"  
"He got a tad…a-abusive"  
"wait, what?! What did he do?" she sighed and lifted her skirt a bit, showing a cut on her leg  
"what are you trying to say showing me this?"  
"It's what he did to me! Well, that I got the day we broke up but he still hurt me in the months before, I got bruises everywhere. Wait, what did you think it was?"  
"oh, that sucks and nothing, nothing at all"  
"you were thinking I cut didn't you?"  
"no, never, you're too beauti- I mean, you wouldn't do it to yourself, you like yourself."  
"not after what I did to you" she bit her lip "I did try though, I just couldn't do it, I don't know how you did it"  
"well, I've been through a lot" I bit my lip  
"I know" she looked at my sympathetically  
"anyway, why did you come here?"  
"just to say sorry, and I wish you all the best…" she looked in my eyes, I looked back in hers  
"w-well" I swallowed hard "thanks"  
"no problem" she bit her lip.  
we kept looking in each other's eyes, oh god, her eyes are amazing. I looked down to her luscious pink lips. No, Shaun, stop. You don't love her, you love Andy. I looked back to her eyes, I felt my heart skip a beat, she looked to my lips then to my eyes, she started to lean in, I leaned back in reluctantly. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, our lips touched, I stroked her cheek softly and kissed her slowly, she kissed me back in the same motion, I smiled under the kiss. I missed her kisses.  
"you fucking bastard" I heard a soft voice sob, I pulled away quickly. She looked at me shocked.  
"no, NO, no." I said and turned my head to see Andy, he was basically in tears, he looked angry, broken, sad.  
"Andy, it just happed, we both didn't mean to-" Brooke said  
"NO! fuck you, you little fucking mutt, I knew you wanted to take him back, I knew you'd try your hardest to do so! W-Well I don't care anymore, fucking keep him as your sex toy you fucking WHORE!" Andy stormed out of the house.  
"FUCK! Brooke, just stay here"  
"o-okay"  
I ran after Andy "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?!" I yelled, He turned around, he looked pissed.  
"MAYBE SO I WOULD CATCH THAT SHIT!" He pointed to my window  
"Look, Andy, I-I didn't mean to-"  
"h-how long as this been happening for?"  
"what?" I got closer to him, placing my hand on his cheek "baby, nothing is-"  
he pushed me off "NO! don't fucking seduce me into believing your BULLSHIT! You obviously love her more than me, I clearly was just a fucking cover up until you had the guts to kiss her again!"  
"NO ANDY, YOU DON'T GET IT. I LOVE YOU!"  
"NO! You really don't! You're a lying cheating piece of shit. No wonder you wouldn't even change her name in the album art thing. You're a using, worthless shit! You NEVER loved me, maybe once, until I broke you. But is all this fucking Karma necessary?!"  
I bursted into tears, his face was flooded with them. "IS IT!?"  
"I-I…I didn't mean to, I swear on my life" I grabbed his wrist "A-Andy please…" he pulled away "I-I was worried why you wouldn't answer your texts or calls, n-now I know why, you wanted to fuck her, you like girls, you used me. You make me sick, y-you're nothing to me now, .me. It's over Shaun…" He turned away and went to his car, speeding away. It took me a few moments to realise what just happened, I ran back inside. Brooke put her hands on my shoulder, I looked at her, she was crying too. "Shaun! Calm down, please. I-I'm sorry"  
"n-no, don't be, it was my fault…I-..I'm going to the bathroom"  
"O-Okay, I might go" she bit her lip  
"I-If you insist"  
"bye"  
"bye" She looked at me quickly then walked out, I went to the bathroom and closed the door, I sat behind the door and started to break down, I couldn't control the sobs and tears flowing from my eyes. I am such a fuck up. I hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them. The whole relationship I had with Andy the past 10 or so months came rushing back, the first time we actually made love, his birthday, going to London, watching movies together, but then the bad things flowed through my mind. Everything is my fault. I should have never let my heart take over my body, I feel so empty now, just when I was getting better, I fucked up. My body was shaking only the slightest, I inhaled and exhaled trying to calm down, I went to the sink and washed my face then looked in the mirror, I bursted into tears again. I only had two things on my mind now. Andy and cutting, I opened the cabinet and grabbed out the blade, I pressed it to my wrist and dragged slowly, it only made a scratch.  
"for fuck sake!" I said softly, wiping my eyes and walked to the kitchen, putting the blade in the bin. I went to Liam's room and took his sharpener. I went back into my room and unscrewed the blade, wiping it with a tissue to get rid of any led and I pulled my pants down, I stared at my thighs, I remembered the time Andy was going to love me and then the cuts, and then he got drunk, because he couldn't handle me. Oh god I'm a fucked up person. I sniffed and sat down, slicing little horizontal lines over and over again on the side of my left thigh, blood came out of them almost instantly. I was still shaking. I put the blade in my drawer and cleaned the cuts off with a red towel, luckily. I slid my pants back up and lied down on my bed. I looked at my phone, Andy sent me numerous texts asking if I was okay and then a recent text popped '_**I can't believe I fell for you and your poetic bullshit. Whatever happened to the "I love you so fucking much" were they just lies? Most likely because you must fucking hate me. You knew I hate her. You knew I hated her being around you but what do you do? You fucking decide to bring her over and make out with her. Oh I get it, you just need someone with boobs and blonde hair, well sorry I don't have boobs and grew out of my fucking blonde hair, fucking user. I hate you. If I'm not around tomorrow it's because I'm dead. But then again, I want to be around to see you crash and burn, and I won't be there to pick you up. Fuck you**_' I bursted into tears again, I didn't even know how to reply. He hates me, I broke him so bad. I looked at the photo of us kissing and cried softly, trying not to make a noise, to think that only a day or two ago, we were practicing and having fun kissing and so on and today, crash and burn. I stared at the photo, blinking all the tears away as I slowly drifted to sleep. There was no hope for me and him again, is there.

ANDY P.O.V

I drove away, tears streamed down my face like there was no tomorrow, I wish there was no tomorrow. I'd never thought he'd cheat on me, ever, he kissed her, he invited her over I bet. I have never felt so used in my life. Shaun was my everything. He's the reason I woke up in the morning. His smile and his cute little laugh used to make my heart pound, now it makes my heart rip to shreds. I still love him, but I hate him. He ruined me. I can't believe that all this time he'd never loved me, he loved her from the moment they met, not me. I fucking hate everything right now. And after everything we went through, every-fucking-thing. I stormed into my house and ran to my room, slamming the door, I started to hyperventilate. There was one thing I wanted to do, maybe two. Slice my skin apart and listen to 'Sometimes' from One Size Fits All, but that'd make me worse and remember everything. I can't listen to In This Place either. Shaun's voice, I need that out of my head right now. His lyrics always had to do with me and making him feel like shit, or being loved. I still can't believe him, his lyrics are lies, fucking bullshit. I looked through my draw and grabbed my blade, sighing.  
"I-I don't remember a day where it didn't end with you touching my skin and showing me I can feel and I'm not so empty on the inside" I said to the blade, I sniffed and took off my bracelets, dragging the blade across my wrist over and over. I didn't want to stop, but the amount of blood pumping out of my arm and the stinging pain that just covered my hearts pain, I stopped and cleaned up. I'm not ready to die. I'm ready to watch Shaun suffer. I fucking loved that man, he never, ever fucking loved me. I put the bracelets back on and laid down on my bed. I want to listen to One Size Fits All and compare it to Stack is The New Black. He never loved me since the second album I bet, I'm stupid for falling for such a devil who was beauty on the outside. I listened to Sometimes on repeat, the lines repeated in my head over and over, I hurt him badly but it was a mistake. Shaun deliberately hurt me. Selfish cunt. I pulled my earphones out and turned my iPod off, putting it in my drawer then covered myself with a blanket and closed my eyes. Slowly falling asleep.

I woke up feeling as shit as the day I cut and Shaun was with Stacey, ugh, Stacey. I got up and had my shower and all that shit, getting dressed into my 'Meow Mother Fucker' shirt, himynameis jacket and my skinny jeans. I lied down on the couch and watched TV, just flicking through the channels , not even watching, Shaun is on my mind. But I swear I don't want to cry no more tears for him. None at all. I heard a knock on the door. It wouldn't be Bradie, he's with Britta and he has a key. The person kept knocking and knocking, I groaned and got up, Answering the door, it was Shaun. I sighed shakily, he seemed…drunk?  
"what do you want?"  
"I-I wanted to tell you how, how sorry I am baby please…" He stumbled forward, putting his hand on my cheek, I pulled away.  
"NO! I-I can't Shaun, I-I'm not getting hurt anymore, no more, please"  
"I won't hurt you Andy, I swear on my life that was the one and only time"  
"I-It's still over. Once a cheater, always a cheater!"  
"This is me you're talking about here Andy, I'm not like the others"  
"you're right, y-you aren't. you're worse!" I shouted, holding back tears  
"please…" he pleaded softly  
"no, fuck you, you're pathetic! Y-You're stupid and a horrible person, PATHETI-"  
suddenly he pushed me into the wall. I gasped.  
"aw, aren't you a cutie"  
"Sh-Shaun, stop"  
"J-Just give me a fucking chance, please…I love you…" he smashed his lips to mine, I clenched my eyes shut as a tiny tear trickled down my face, I tried to pull away from the kiss but I got dragged more into it, I wrapped my arms around his neck, he bit my lip softly and pushed his tongue into my mouth, I groaned and battled with his tongue, trying to push it out of my mouth as he battled deeper into my mouth, I forcibly became hard, he cupped my crotch, making me moan. before we knew it we were making out, he was pushing me into my room and then our clothes were off and then suddenly, we were in bed, naked, fucking. I feel like a whore, like he's using me this one last time. I cried out as he thrusted into my prostate.  
"F-FUCK you Shaun!" I scrunched up my face, he panted and kissed my chest softly.  
"oh god oh god oh god" I mumbled as he sped up, thrusting more jaggedly. I orgasmed loudly in unison with him, he pulled out as he suddenly groaned, cumming on my bed. For fuck sake that stupid whore. He moved down to my length, sucking me hard and slow, I panted and bit my lip, groaning as I came in his mouth. He swallowed and made his way back up to me, kissing my head softly, wiping the sweat of my head then sniffing, whispering as he looked in my eyes "I-I'm sorry…I love you..." My eyes welled up, I sighed and rolled over, those eyes made me feel like there was a knife dagging into my heart. He lied next to me, the cover over the both of us, I didn't know what to think, I just fell asleep.

SHAUN P.O.V

I woke up, my head was pounding, thighs were burning, I looked next to me to see Andy, my gut dropped. What have I done, I looked under the covers to see myself and Andy, naked. Then it came back to me, I drank away the pain yesterday, so I ended up at Andy's to talk it through, but instead I fucked him and probably made him feel like a whore. I'm so fucked. I got up and got my clothes on carefully and grabbed my shoes, looking at the beautiful sleeping Andy Clemmensen one last time, I sniffed and looked down, making my way to him, I planted a soft kiss on his head and whispered "I'm so sorry…" I carefully made my way out of the house and walked till I eventually found my car a couple streets down. And made my way home. How could I be so stupid?

_**Couple days later…**_

ANDY P.O.V

Shaun clearly used me fucked me and left. Just like that, it fucking hurt too, I didn't enjoy it, at all. All I could really think of during it is how much of a whore I felt and her, Brooke, with my man, or, who was my man. I fucking hate everything. I went to the kitchen and made a sandwich, taking a bite and feeling like I hadn't eaten in days, which I haven't, I felt sick every time I did, I heard a knock on the door, I groaned. "BRADIE!? MUM?! GERALD?!" I didn't want to answer the door, but no one was home. Well, I did sleep in till 2pm. I walked to the door and slowly opened it, raising an eyebrow, my heart aching only the slightest seeing Shaun, the man who I loved. I sighed.  
"what the fuck do you want? Because you've taken all I got"  
"Andy, can we speak about it?"  
"fine. Whatever. I walked back to the couch and sat on the couch, he sat on the recliner couch next to the big couch.  
"Andy, I j-just wanted to say sorry for the other night, for everything, I really do love you. And I completely understand that you don't want to be with me ever again, and that you feel like I used you and that I never loved you, but I did Andy, I really fucking did"  
"hm, like how? I listened to Sometimes and then Compared it to In This Place and THEN compared it to Nothing At All"  
"they all somehow say the same thing"  
"But I feel like in each song it's drifted, on stage when you performed In This place you cried and now you don't play it, ever, surprised you haven't written a song about raping me yet" I smiled sarcastically  
"do you think I liked being reminded of the past? The last time I played it, we were together. And after I said the line "and we'll be better off today" you heard it, YOU heard me say "fuck yeah we will" I believed in you Andy, I do love you, I never meant to 'rape' you in any way, I was drunk.."  
"mmm, whatever, you love Brooke"  
"no, I-…I love you both"  
"well you have to choose. Which is easy because you'll choose her, she has tits, she can have kids, it's legal to get married to her, your dad would be proud of you for once in a blue moon!"  
"A-Andy…"  
"I-I don't want you back, not yet, no, you still disgust me" I looked at my nails then started biting them. I usually bit them when I'm nervous or Angry. Shaun got up and got on top of me, flicking my hand away, he put my hands on my cheeks.  
"at least one more kiss and hug and then we can act like I never kissed her and we can be back together, or we can be friends, you know we love each other too much to not be friends"  
I sighed and bit my lip, he looked at me trying to read my emotions clearly, he leaned in slowly, brushing his lips with mine, I clenched my eyes shut, trying to forget about him and Brooke as I kissed him back slowly, his breath shook, I inhaled as he pulled away, I opened my eyes and wiped my eyes quickly, there were some tears forming. I can't cry. Not now. I don't want to cry over him anymore.  
"s-so?" he said  
"I-I would rather us be friends, Shaun, I couldn't even kiss you just then without that picture in my head and I'm sick of us being on and off, on and off, I want us both happy, and we clearly can't be happy together. I'm sorry."  
"I-I get it, I do…w-well, I might go" he got off me and made his way to the door, I followed him, he turned to me.  
"I-…I love you buddy"  
"I-I love you too" we both hugged each other lovingly but hard, like we didn't want to let go, I let out a soft sob and kissed his shoulder quickly, breathing deeply, I really didn't want to let go but I pushed myself away, I just need to let him go. I'm sick of fighting for him, I'll never win.  
"s-see ya at practice yeah?" he said, walking away  
"of course, s-see you!" I closed the door slowly and banged my head on it. There's a part of me that wishes I took Shaun back, but I knew it'd just get too bad to cope.


	18. Chapter 18

_**July 2011…**_

So, it's been what? 8 months since the break up? Shaun acts like nothing happened, he's with Brooke again and I miss him. It could just be jealousy, I bet. I've always been jealous of the "Shrooke" relationship as the fans call it, what the fuck happened to Shandy. It's like it's all about Brooke and Shaun now. All I get is teenies all "omg Andi yah sah HAWT!1! c:;;" and same for Bradie, it's like Shaun and the Scene or some stupid Selena Gomez band. If you're wondering what's happening right now, we're on our way to the hotel, we just did or 2nd of July show in Melbourne for out This is Bat Country tour. We're all sweaty and still full of adrenaline, I wanted to go to bed though. I was stuffed. The fans are really great, they really are. They get me through things when Shaun doesn't and I don't tell Bradie my problems anymore, stuff that.

* * *

Times passing quickly, tours over, I'm producing this DVD whilst recording the album which is so difficult, we're not happy with anything. Shaun's taste in music is changing, I don't know who to blame for that. I pressed save on what I had done, not long now till both DVD and album are complete. Thank fuck. I don't even think I like Bang Bang Sexy, what were we thinking. Argh, everything is frustrating me today, I made my way into the producing area where Shaun sat with his guitar. I crashed next to him, leaning against him only the slightest in a friendly way, I can't even look in his eyes, I'll just fall in love with those beautiful Blue eyes. Shaun brought Honey, Honey jumped up on me, I patted her little head slowly, I heard Shaun giggle, I looked up at him "what?"  
"nothing, just something Brooke said last night" he smiled  
"oh" I bit my lip and put Honey on the ground, she ran out to Bradie.  
"yeah, can't wait to move in with her next week aye"  
"I bet you're excited"  
"yeah, you better come over man"  
"yup. Shall do." I got up and walked to the little kitchen area where we kept our food, and by food we mean different types of soft drinks and candy bars. Shaun followed and grabbed a Cherry Cola, I leaned on the counter. He came to me having a sip.  
"this is the best. Oh god"  
"can I have a sip?" I asked, trying to start a decent conversation.  
"sure" he passed it to me, I had a gulp and exhaled, putting it on the bench.  
"Shaun, do you even remember how much you loved me? Do you remember how it felt being so close to me?"  
"Andy, I don't like remembering the past, I like right now and I'm straight and in love with Brooke, you know that"  
"for fuck sake! It's always about her isn't it! Fucking always. Open your eyes once in a blue moon and realize that she isn't perfect!" I stormed out and into my studio and kept doing the DVD, Shaun walked through slowly, leaning against the door frame.  
"Andy…"  
I looked at him, I instantly thought of Brooke, looked back at the screen to see a video of Shaun when we were dating, I looked back at him, but this time to his sweet lips. I grinned, I had the most evilest idea. I got up.  
"fuck you, seriously" I ran through to outside, leaning againt the brick wall of Grove studios, he came out and closed the door, I breathed deeply, making my voice shakily like I was about to cry.  
"Andy, you feeling okay?" he put his hand on my shoulder to console me, I smirked and grabbed his cheeks, smashing my lips to his slowly, massaging my lips on his slowly, wrapping my leg around his right thigh, pulling him down on me, his body was pretty much frozen, his lips moving the slightest, I kissed his bottom lip softly, he exhaled a groan , I giggled under the powerful kiss and pushed him away.  
"and that's called the lips of a vampire and a cherry cola" I smirked and slapped his ass hard, making my way back inside. Oh Brooke was going to kill me, I must admit, if he put more action into that kiss. I'd probably be more in love with him. His body is just phenomenal.

* * *

it's October now, so glad it's a Friday night, Bang Bang Sexy was released in September but we're performing it on Australia's Next Top Model next week. I was going to club Blaze where Shanny was with all my good mates. Shaun and Brooke were gonna be there too. urgh, Bradie was tagging along with Britta, I really didn't mind. I walked in and went straight to the bar, getting a beer, I looked next to me to find a beautiful Blonde, she had tattoos on down her arm, she seemed different, the type of girl that didn't' care what people thought of her. She wore a singlet, shorts and gladiator sandals, I like her style, I grabbed my beer and had a gulp, hoping that would take away half of my nervousness to talk to her. I scooted closer to her slowly.  
"Hey, I just have seem to um…notice that you're here by yourself, do you come here often?"  
"o-oh" she looked at me, her eyes instantly struck me, I swallowed the lump in my throat as she continued. "yeah, I'm here with my friends but they're dancing the night away, I'm just here drinking whatever I possibly can" she laughed, I smiled.  
"well it's good that you aren't dancing or else I would not have met you here, my names Andy by the way, Andy Clemmensen" I put my hand out to her, she grabbed it and shook it, smiling.  
"Nice to meet you Andy, I'm Justine, Justine Finnegan" she giggled, copying what I had said previously.  
"so Andy, what do you do for a living?" Justine rested her elbow on the bar, resting her face in her palm, she seemed interested.  
"I'm in a band" I bit my lip, I wasn't sure that if she'd like me after finding out that I'm the bass player in Australia's top but hated rock band.  
"oh really? What's it called" she said, having a sip of her drink  
"Short Stack" I said slowly, she choked on her drink only the slightest, looking at me  
"you mean, that big rock band from Australia, Short Stack?"  
"well, yeah, not many people know me though, Shaun, our guitarist and singer is more well-known than me"  
"well you sounded familiar, I've heard your voice on the radio, you're quiet funny actually"  
"that is what I'm known for" I laughed, leaning against the bar.  
After about half an hour of just enjoying our drink and talking, she decided to go home, I decided to walk to her place with her to make sure she got there safe, we talked about music too, we seemed to like a lot of the same stuff as me, I had to be dreaming right now. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.  
"excuse me" I said to her as we walked, pulling out my phone and answered it.  
"hello"  
"hey, it's me, where are you" Shaun said, he seemed quite worried  
"I'm just walking this beautiful girl home so she doesn't get hurt" I smiled at Justine, I think she blushed slightly under the moonlight.  
"oh okay, well, see you next week then" he said dully but relieved  
"alrighty, bye" I hanged up before Shaun could say anything, I looked at Justine.  
"So little miss Finnegan, how far is your house"  
"only a few houses down now"  
"damn, maybe we should walk slower so we can talk longer" she laughed at my flirty attitude.  
"well maybe little miss Finnegan is tired and wants sleep" she walked at the same pace still, I was begging myself to slow down.  
"well maybe little miss Finnegan should call me sometime?" I bit my lip, she stopped in front of what I assumed was her place.  
"She'd love that" she smiled, I pulled out my phone as she pulled out hers, we exchanged numbers and smiled, walking up to the front door.  
"I hope to see you real soon" I smiled  
"I hope to see you too Andy" she smiled back, I leaned in slowly and kissed her cheek lightly, it was so soft against my cheek.  
"see you" I smiled, turning away  
"bye…" I heard her voice say and then heard the door close, I walked all the way back to the club and got in my car, I would have driven Justine home but I liked talking to her, she's fun, different to all the other girls I've been out with. I heard a knock on my passenger side window, I rolled it down, Shaun poked his head through.  
"Hey Andy, why didn't you tell me you got a chick?" he said more soft than casual  
"she isn't just some chick, she's incredible and I don't need to tell you everything, that's why"  
"but, we're like best mates" He bit his lip, I sighed and looked down at my phone to see a text from Justine saying '_**when should we meet up? **_ '  
"Look Shaun, if you don't realize how much we're drifting then I don't think I can help you, sorry" I started my car  
"what's that supposed to mean?"  
"you've pushed me away Shaun, it's all about Brooke and Honey to you, and surfing. You're such a douche to me now"  
"Andy, listen-"  
"Shaun, come on, let's go home" Brooke said, coming out of nowhere also pulling him away  
"well, see you Andy" Shaun said as he was pulled away. I rolled up the window and replied to Justine's text ' _**how about tomorrow for lunch? I'll pay for it all, don't worry. Meet me at The Entrance at 12? X **_' I put my phone in my pocket and drove out and back home. I walked in and locked the door, going to my room and crashed on my bed, pulling out my phone to see a reply ' _**sounds great, see you then!**_' I smiled at the text then put my phone on charge, I didn't know how to reply. I better sleep so I can get up early to go out for lunch with her. I got into bed by at least 10:30, falling asleep by 11.

I woke up to my phone vibrating violently, Shaun was calling me, at 7:30 in the morning. Oh my god he's annoying. I grabbed my phone and cleared my throat, answering.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey buddy, sorry for waking you"  
"it's k. I have stuff to do anyway"  
"oh, like what?"  
I pushed my head back into my pillow "I'm meeting up with Justine for lunch"  
"oh, so this girl has a name?"  
"yes, of course she fucking does Shaun. Stop being a fucking dick and put up with it. I like her, she's beautiful, she's different. Not some hipster chick who-" I shut up instantly and changed the subject "anyway, why'd you call?"  
"about last night, how you said we were drifting and shit, yeah, I don't like that"  
I sighed "Shaun, can I go? I really don't have the time and you know how Brooke gets when you call and text me"  
"yeah, fine, I know. She locked me out of my phone numerous times by trying to get in and look at our text messages, but I let her into my phone now"  
"well good for you, I'm going, bye"  
"Andy, wait"  
"what?"  
"you'll always be my best friend, no matter what, alright?"  
"okay…" I sighed  
"I'll let you go now, bye, good luck with Justine"  
"thanks, bye" I hanged up and groaned, setting my alarm to wake me up in another hour, I closed my eyes and fell asleep almost instantly, opening my eyes to the ringing alarm tone from my phone. I pressed 'ok' and got up, grabbing towels and going to the bathroom, having a shower and my daily do's, I did my hair and put on my white shirt and skinny jeans with black vans, Justine's different, that's why I'm so nervous. I finished getting ready and looked at myself in the mirror.  
"meh, not too bad" I grabbed my keys and made my way out the door and to my car, starting it and driving out. I turned on the radio and hummed as I drove and got to The Entrance, I parked and looked in front of me to see Justine had just got here too, we smiled at each other as I got out of my car, locking it.  
"hey…" I smiled then bit my lip  
"Hey" she said, smiling  
"so, how's your day been?" I asked, holding my arm out to her, she wrapped her arm around mine and said "It's been okay I guess, but it's much better now" she smiled, I walked her to a table and pulled out a chair for her, she sat down.  
"well all that matters is that you're okay now" I smiled, sitting down in front of her.  
"yeah, and how's your day been?"  
"about the same, got woken up at 7:30 by your friend to discuss why I think we're drifting is terrible" she frowned slightly by what I just said  
"what happened?" she questioned, resting her arm on the table. I had no clue what to say, but she had to understand me and Shaun's past to be with me, I cleared my throat and looked down.  
"me and Shaun have had a past, a very bad past and now his girlfriend and him have moved in together and she's all over him and he's all about her and their dog Honey and surfing and all that, he's changing and it kinda scares me" I bit my lip, sighing deeply as I remembered the pain he put me through.  
"Andy, it's okay, all that matters is yourself, you need to stop worrying about him, I'm here for you" she put her hand on my hand, I smiled and looked up into her eyes.  
"but you still don't know the full story of things, how it all happened, how it resolved"  
"do you wanna get take away and go to your place instead?"  
"I-If you'd like"  
"I think it'd be best, your mood just dropped dramatically"  
"ah shh" I said, embarrassed slightly, she got up as did I, we made my way to my car, we got in and stopped at the pizza place, grabbing a pizza and straight to my place. She got out of the car taking the pizza, I soon followed, locking it with my key.  
"so this is your place?"  
"well, It's like cut off half way so it's half my mum and step dads and half me and my step brother Bradie, if you hear a baby crying, that's my baby sister Ashley, I have a baby brother too called Christopher, I have a lot of siblings, just thought I'd tell you"  
"wow, you didn't seem the type to have a big family" she looked up at me, I don't even know how to describe her beautiful face.  
"well that's what you get when your parents break up and get with someone else, family grows" I laughed slightly, we walked in and sat on the couch, opening the pizza and grabbing a slice, eating it.  
"this pizza is good" she said, taking a bite  
"dominoes would be better if I was still working there" I laughed, taking a bite of my piece.  
"you worked at dominoes?"  
"yep. I kinda had to give it up though because of the band and tours and such" my mum came through and went to the door  
"ANDY IM LEAVING LOOK AFTER ASH PLEASE I NEED TO GO TO THE SHOP AND GET FOOD, BYE" she walked out, closing the door, we stared at the door, I turned to her and we both bursted into laughter.  
"your mum didn't even realize we were right here!" she laughed  
"I know right oh my god" I laughed with her, turning on the TV as we continued to eat.  
"so Andy, what's this Shaun issue you seemed to get so upset about…?" she looked at me, resting her head on the couch  
I sighed, putting my piece of pizza down.  
"Alright, so it starts in high school, we met, we became best friends, he got a girlfriend by at least, what was it…um, year 8 or 9 and I got really jealous, I felt heart broken, I don't know why I felt that way" she looked at me seriously as I continued.  
"I suffered depression since I was young, I was beat up a lot by a guy, Shaun made me feel better, but as soon as he started to get beat up for protecting me, I couldn't handle it. I don't know if I should tell you, but look at my wrists." I bit my lip, she looked at me concerned and grabbed my wrist, taking off my bracelets, looking at scars and cuts that were turning into scars. She bit her lip.  
"O-Oh Andy…" she looked up at me "I may have only known you for a couple days but you seem so happy to be the type to do this to yourself"  
"I am funny and always smiling, but I get hurt easily…a-anyway, continuing. During that year, me and Shaun had a 'gay' moment, we were dared to fake make out and as that happened, our lips touched, it felt amazing, I don't know I thought there was something wrong with me for thinking so, the next year me and Shaun, actually got together, cuddled and kissed and all that shit but then I broke up with him, I couldn't stand him protecting me at every beating, I didn't want to kiss him, I loved him but I was so scared so I broke up with him. He turned into a mess, I didn't know what to think" I wiped my eyes and rested my head on the couch, she looked at me sadly putting her hand on my cheek.  
"I'm sorry…"  
"you might be more sorry when I finish"  
"it only gets worse doesn't it?"  
"well, kinda. Me and Shaun got back together and then we did some more gay shit that I don't think you should know, and don't worry, it's not sex. Shaun was acting all weird and would start fights over pathetic shit, we broke up again, and like, straight after he got with a girl that he once dated whilst we weren't together, Brooke. I hated her, in fact I still do, she's a little bitch, anyway. After I don't know, a year? Of them being together, Brooke cheated, and wait for it, with the guy who would bash me and Shaun up. Shaun turned into a wreck again, he called me, I came straight away and helped him, I was so stupid back then because later that night he asked me back, I said yes, it was an amazing relationship with me and him at that time though, he was so sweet and we'd hold each other and we were in love, we ended up making love if you know what I mean and then the day after or maybe the next we decided to drop by his mums and his homophobic idiotic dad was there, he was calling Shaun names, I pulled him back to the car, we kissed and then his dad pulls him out and slaps him yelling all this shit at him, I pushed him away and held Shaun, he was literally shaking and crying heavily in my arms, that broke my heart so much and then he said he thought he was going to be sick so he ran to the bathroom, I don't know what exactly happened in there, but all I know is that he did hurt himself, I was arguing with his dad the whole time when I should have focused on Shaun. Later that night, being the fuckwit I am, I wanted his touch again, so I went to fuck him and I saw the cuts, my brain just died and my heart shattered, I didn't know what to think, all this shit happened so suddenly, I got drunk later and acted like a tool but I did say something I never imagined I would say, I said I wanted to grow old with him. But he clearly didn't want that because later, a week or something after my birthday, he met up with Brooke, she actually texted him and he said yes. Do you know how much pain I was in when I walked into his room to find them kissing? I felt dead, empty. I-I just, gah, I hate her, I really fucking hate her" my breath started to shake and had that feeling before a break down, Justine wrapped her arms around my waist cuddling into me, I think she was about to cry too, I had no idea.  
"It's okay Andy, you didn't deserve him, you're better off without him, you really are."  
I felt a tear slide down my face, I rested my head on hers, breathing deeply.  
"I loved him though, but we clearly weren't meant to be" she looked at me and wiped my tears that were slowly cascading down my cheeks.  
"Andy, everything happens for a reason."  
"I-I know, I feel it was my fault, I'm such a dick"  
"no, it happened for a reason, okay? And honestly, you, Mr. Andy Clemmensen are one of the most beautiful, amazing men I have ever meant, you aren't a tool, you're a good guy, you really are"  
I sniffed and smiled, almost speechless, I put my hand on her cheek. "you're also one of the most beautiful woman I've ever met, you actually care" She smiled, I looked her lips then to her eyes, I felt like kissing her right now, should I? everything happens for a reason right? I believe if I kissed her right now, it would be amazing, nerves started to make me shake the slightest, I breathed deeply and leaned down to her face slowly.  
"close your eyes…" I whispered, she closed them slowly, I closed my eyes and made my move, I leaned in, touching my lips to hers, I kissed her soft lips slowly, she kissed me back in just the same motion. This kiss felt amazing, better than any kiss I have ever had before, maybe even Shaun's kisses? We kept kissing soft and slow, I inhaled and pulled her up more, holding her closely, I deepened the kiss and ran my fingered through her hair, she wrapped her arms around my neck, my heart was pounding faster than Bradie could kick his bass drum. We got so into this kiss, her lips felt amazing. I didn't want to pull away and then suddenly a baby cried, fuck my life, god dammit Ashley, she giggled and pulled away.  
"maybe you should fix that?"  
"fix what? I don't have a full boner yet"  
she laughed "no, your sister silly"  
"oh right" I laughed, she got off me, I got up and went to Ashley's room, picking her up.  
"you hungry little munchkin? Come on" I walked out with her on hip ad went to the fridge, pulling out her bottle, putting it in the microwave for a couple seconds, Justine walked in.  
"oh hello there cutie" Justine smiled, Ashley looked at her and giggled, I laughed  
"Justine, stop talking about me jeez" I winked  
"I wasn't talking about you" she winked back then grabbed Ashley's hand, Ash squeezed her finger, Justine smiled.  
"holy crap she's adorable"  
"well, she is my sister, she's gonna be a real heart breaker when she grows up" we laughed  
"did you want to hold her? I have to check the milk and yeah"  
"sure" she smiled  
"thanks" I passed Ashley to her and grabbed the milk, testing it, it was a good temperature. We sat on the couch, she passed Ashley back, I held her in my arms and fed her the milk.  
"So, Justine, let's talk about you now. How was your life?"  
"high school sucked, but I became a nurse so I guess all the studying and being called nerd and shit-sorry I mean stuff, paid off"  
"well, you're very beautiful for a nerd, I'll tell you that." She blushed slightly and bit her nail, I looked down at Ashley, making sure I was feeding her right.  
"You're a good brother Andy"  
"Well I think I am the oldest so yeah, I kinda have to be the good one in a way, I'm always looking out for everyone."  
"well aren't you just great" she laughed slightly, I smiled and put the bottle on the coffee table when she was done and burped her, she threw up some so I wiped it away with her bib and stood up.  
"does little Ashley want to go back to bed now so brother Andy can spend time with the pretty lady" I said trying to be cute, Justine giggled as Ashley just stared at me.  
"god dammit I wish you would talk already, I'm not good at reading baby emotions"  
"you're a funny one, here" Justine stood up and took Ashley from my hands, rocking her back and forth slowly. "Rock a by Ashley on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock and when the bell breaks, the cradle will fall and down will come Ashley, cradle and all" she sung softly, I looked at Ashley to see that she had closed her eyes.  
"wow, your voice is a miracle" I whispered, she smiled.  
"I know how to look after babies, I am a woman after all" she whispered, standing up slowly, walking down the hall, I went after her, directing her into Ashley's room. Justine slowly put Ashley down in her crib then walked out, I closed the door only with a crack showing, I grabbed Justine's hand and walked her to my room, opening the door.  
"welcome to my room" I whispered in her ear, she smiled and walked in, I walked in after her and closed the door.  
"yep, this is definitely your room, guitars, movies, clothes, computer...Old pizza boxes" she said slowly, picking the box up, I grabbed it, feeling myself go red in the face.  
"sh, that was from a couple days ago and I'm a boy" I said, climbing onto my bed, she lied down next to me.  
"your beds quite comfy, I wasn't expecting it to be"  
"I got the best type of bed" I smirked, lying down next to her but resting my head on my palm, putting my other hand on her waist.  
"what type of bed do you have?"  
"the bed of looove" I giggled, she laughed  
"well aren't you adorable"  
"you betcha" I smiled and kissed her head softly "I seriously don't think I've met anyone like you before, you're so amazing Justine, you didn't even cringe or get all awkward and leave when I talked about me and Shaun"  
"there's nothing wrong with being with a guy and there's nothing wrong with telling the girl that you're dating about your past."  
"that's exactly what I think" I smiled, she looked up into my eyes, I looked down into hers. I leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, she kissed me back, I pulled away slowly. She bit her lip.  
"what time were you meant to be home?"  
"well, what's the time?"  
I pulled out my phone "3:05"  
she frowned "yeah, we should go, I have a shift at 4"  
"aw damn" I frowned, getting up, she got up and kissed my cheek softly.  
"well thank you for this amazing date" she smiled  
"you're welcome" I smiled, grabbing her hand and walking her out, mum walked in as me and Justine were about to walk out.  
"oh hello Andy, who's this?"  
"I-uhh"  
"Justine, Justine Finnegan" she said casually, putting her hand out for a shake, mum grabbed it and shook it, she cocked an eyebrow at me.  
"me and Justine are dating, mum. I was just about to go drop her home because she has to work at 4"  
"oh okay, what do you do Justine"  
"I'm a nurse, it's a lot of work but I love it" Justine smiled  
"well go have fun then" mum smiled  
"okay bye!" I said quickly, pulling Justine outside. She laughed.  
"your mums nice"  
"that was the most awkwardest thing I have ever done"  
"aw, poor baby" she frowned  
"sh your beautiful lips now please" I smiled innocently, she laughed and got in the car, I got in the other side, started the car and drove her home, we were singing along to the songs on the radio and then I drove slower and stopped when I reached her place.  
"well, I better go" She frowned  
"I'm going to miss you, so much" I admitted, my face going red only the slightest.  
"I'm going to miss you too, these moments with you have to be the best moments by far" she put her hand on my cheek and leaned over, planting a kiss on my lips, I kissed her back slowly. It felt even better when she kissed me first. She pulled away and open the door "when do you want to meet up next?"  
"Monday? I won't be available on Tuesday or Thursday, I have a performance on Aus next top model and our DVD premiere on Thursday"  
"well aren't you busy, well that's okay because I have work anyway, I'll see you, if anything changes text me" she got out of the car  
"will do" I smiled  
"bye" she pouted, closing the door, I pouted and waved buh-bye, I watched her walk up to her door and inside. As soon as the door closed, I drove back home. Justine is all that's on my mind now. But there's a little Shaun back there begging for attention. I'm not going to let him ruin this relationship.

_**that Wednesday…**_

Today we're performing Bang Bang Sexy at ANTM finale, Brooke was coming with Karissa, her friend from Canada, she was actually a nice and kind girl. We just did a lot of rehearsing, we have dancers performing with us, dancers on stage dancing with us. This was just crazy. We sat backstage on our phones.  
"Shaun, do you know where I put my extra drumsticks?" Bradie asked, me and Justine were texting, our conversation was about dancers, funny huh?  
"no I don't Bradie, look in your drum bag?" Shaun said  
"they aren't there, I only have the one pair"  
"it'll be right then, don't worry, come on, we're going on now…ANDY!" Shaun yelled  
"huh? 'right, coming" I put my phone in my pocket and grabbed my bass that was ready to go. The host called out "Short Stack" and we set up on stage, starting the show. I focussed on the bass, but Justine, oh Justine was in my mind the whole time, Shaun's singing was terrible, he waved to Brooke too, he must have been nervous, even though he was jumping around like a drunken hobo. After the performance we went backstage.  
"what…the…fuck…was…that" I said to Shaun, he turned around.  
"Shut up Andy, I got stage fright" he frowned slightly  
"HOW?! We've sold out here before"  
"but that was fans, these are people that may not even like us"  
"well now they definitely don't!"  
Shaun sighed and crashed on the lounge backstage, I rolled my eyes, packing up my bass, Bradie packing up the drums.  
"why are you and Shaun fighting so much lately?" Bradie asked curiously  
"just, stupid things" I said, making my way out back of the opera house. I grabbed my phone out and texted Justine ' _**hey baby, just did Bang Bang Sexy. Shaun fucked up so bad, so embarrassing, I'll speak to you soon xx **_' and put my phone back in my pocket. "THE WINNER WAS MONTANA!" Bradie yelled out to me, I didn't care. I grabbed out my phone again and went on twitter and tweeted '**Spent my day surrounded by models and dancers but they still got nothing on that small town girl ;)**' I smiled to myself as I sent it. Was I in love? Who knew. Justine texted me back suddenly '**Shaun's a bit up himself, haha. I was watching babe wouldn't miss it for the world x**'.  
"Hey." Shaun said out of nowhere, I jumped and locked my phone, putting it in my pocket.  
"Hey" I smiled slightly at him  
"I fucked up tonight, aye?"  
"I-I…guess" I tried to smile, supporting him. I saw Brooke coming down with Karissa. Oh yay. The two platinum blondes made their way out back were we were by the harbour, Brooke gave me a strange look.  
"Hey guys, you did well tonight, loving the song!" Karissa said, she's the type of girl who's always smiling and makes a positive out of all negatives.  
"thank you" I smiled, Shaun wrapped his arm around Brooke's waist.  
"wanna go inside, honey? Karissa wants to record some things for YouTube, you'd distract viewers" and I wouldn't distract? Oh, I wish I had my girl right now. We walked back inside, Shaun still had his arm around her, I crossed my arms, copying Brooke to piss her off, Bradie just stood there awkwardly.  
"So how are you and your girlfriend, Andy?"  
"great, she's fantastic, better than any girl I've ever seen in my life" I smiled innocently to make her feel ugly.  
"well good luck, just don't fuck this one up, kissing Shaun, again" she said being all blonde smart ass.  
"woah, what?" Bradie said  
"I was stupid Brooke, get over it, I'm over Shaun, I assure you" I nodded at Shaun, I don't know why but he seemed quite disappointed not having someone to come to for a casual fuck every time Brooke and him break up.  
"well good, we can all be happy then" she smiled, I nodded then walked away, grabbing my bottle of water, I had a scull and exhaled, nice and cold.

After an hour or so I got back home and crashed in bed. I was so tired, I heard Bradie yawn from down the hall.  
"GOODNIGHT BRADIE!" I laughed softly  
"NIGHT ANDY!"  
I smiled and took my clothes off, fuck pyjamas, I like to be free. I got under the covers and snuggled up warm in my bed, falling asleep before I could count to 100.

_**one week later**_

So much has happened in a week. I feel enlighted by the success of our documentary, so many fans bought tickets and went into their city cinemas just to watch it, I love my fans and going down that red carpet was so nerve racking, I fucking loved the excitement though and Matty and Maude hosting it all, the band is exactly where I like it, I don't want anything to change, ever. I'm also feeling guilty, horrible and ashamed, heartbroken even. I had a fight with Justine, a stupid little fight, I can't even remember what about anymore, but I called the quits on the relationship and she walked out nearly in tears. I'm a terrible person, I was so close to believing I was in love, but if I was, I wouldn't have of done that, would I? I'm so tempted to hurt myself now, I can think, but a broken heart can't be the reason, I've caused this myself. I was crazy about Justine and now she's out of my life, like that. Ugh, I'm on my way to the studio, hopefully we can start finalizing it without my brain flipping over into a break down, I don't want to fight with Shaun. I haven't spoken a word to him nor Bradie since me and Justine's break up. I walked in slowly, scratching my head, walking into the studio awkwardly.  
"Hey Andy" Shaun smiled. I smiled back slightly, I waved at Bradie as he waved at me.  
"Alrighty mate, you three have to decide on this final track and then it can go to America to get remixed a little" Trevor said  
"a-alright" I said softly, grabbing the laptop to listen to the track, Shaun got closer to listen.  
"you alright bud?" Shaun looked at me a bit worried  
"I'm perfect, perfectly fine" I said quickly pressing play.  
"he hasn't said a word since Saturday" Bradie mumbled, sitting on the other side of me.  
"that's not normal" Shaun said softly, looking up at me.  
"okay, I am right here you know?" I bursted out, looking at both of them quickly.  
"Andy, what's wrong?" Shaun asked more sternly  
"M-Me…" I sighed  
"you…?" Bradie came in  
"I broke up with Justine, over a stupid little fight and I really regret it and now she won't answer my texts or calls because I've hurt her. Okay?!" I wiped the tear that was forming in my eye. No Andy, no break downs today.  
"oh…" Bradie bit his lip, Shaun mumbled a little 'ha' like he wasn't surprised, I looked at him.  
"what was that for?"  
"interesting how we broke up over a stupid little fight before too" he smiled innocently.  
"okay, I'm going home, I like the second version of the song, you both can choose, if it's 2 against one on one of them, use that one. Okay, goodbye" I stormed out, Trevor grabbed my shoulder as he walked out from the kitchen area.  
"where you going mate?"  
"Just to my car." I sniffed slightly and kept walking, making my way out and across the stones to my car, I heard someone approaching from behind. I sighed and turned around. Shaun.  
"Andy, dude, don't go."  
"I'm not needed here" I looked him right in the eyes  
"you are needed. You're a part of this band too"  
"but is it worth it if you're going to treat me like rat shit? She was all I had when YOU weren't here" I pushed his chest with my finger.  
"I'm sorry, it just reminded me of us-"  
"don't you even dare think about comparing her to you, she's nothing like you"  
"clearly. She has tits, I have a dick"  
"yeah, you left me for Brooke because she has tits and not once have a compared myself to that slut, I lost my virginity to you Shaun, remember that" Shaun laughed slightly  
"what? No, we were young and made out till we came in our pants, I lost my virginity to Brooke and oh god this conversation just got really awkward"  
"So, even after the both of us said it was losing our virginity, it meant nothing to you?"  
"no, I mean, yeah, but that was puppy love, I don't consider it losing our virginity. I lost it to Brooke and it was amazing, you lost it to that girl from the club"  
"n-no, you'll always be the one who took it in my eyes"  
"who cares? No one dies a virgin, life fucks us all"  
"Shaun, if you aren't going to stop acting like this to me then the bands over." That hit him, it hit me too, Shaun suddenly got quiet.  
"I-I'm sorry Andy…let's go, please…" he grabbed my arm, pulling me back in, I sighed. Oh my life is great. Maybe I should get on twitter and talk to some fans, they always know how to cheer me up.

_**couple months later**_

"RAWR!" I jumped and looked wide eyed to see Shaun and Bradie.  
"w-what are you guys doing?" I groaned, sitting up  
"look what we did to the old band room" they smiled  
"why…? What did you guys do…?" I got up, forgetting I was naked and blushed, Shaun laughed.  
"EW PUT PANTS ON!" Bradie said, I slid on some shorts and thongs, making my way out back to the garage, the boys following. The room was packed up, tided and…white…  
"guys…why is the room white, where's all the stuff, why is there newspaper all over the ground?"  
Shaun passed me spray cans, two of different colours "We're doing Soul in here"  
"and what are the spray cans for?"  
"we're going to graffiti them, with Maurice and Soul lyrics" Bradie said, setting up his old spiderman drums and a Maurice drumskin.  
"so, we're doing it in here? I thought we were doing it in a warehouse"  
"well, we didn't have enough money and I thought this would mean a lot, this is the place where it all began" Shaun said  
"oh, I see, I'll get some crap clothes on, like you guys are wearing"  
"alright" Shaun went over to Bradie as I went back to my room, changing into crap clothes I hadn't worn in years. I came back in to find Shaun spray painting the Maurice, Bradie covered his drums with a plastic sheet then passed me a spray can.  
"Spray some words with me" Bradie laughed, I snatched the can and smirked, shaking it up. Shaun sneezed randomly, we bursted into laughter.  
"shut up! I got it up my nose!" he complained, rubbing his nose. I shook my head, smiling as I drew 'SOUL' and some of the lyrics which Shaun had to remind me at times. At least after an hour the room was completed, I smiled and looked at Shaun.  
"it's perfect"  
"I reckon" he smiled slightly and pulled me into a hug, I hugged him back then pushed him away.  
"dude, you're not gay" I winked  
"Whaaat, I just wanted to hug my best friend" he frowned  
"Aww, poor baby" I laughed, he looked at me and took a deep breath  
"let's get changed and ready to go, shall we?"  
"sounds like a plan" Bradie said.

After an hour of shooting, Gerald filming it all, we went back to my room and started editing the video.  
"We did this so easily. Should be easy to finish"  
"you are mister pro Andy" Shaun said, chilling on my bed, mucking with my guitar  
"I reckon Shaun's voice has improved dramatically. I was watching drop dead last night and I couldn't stand it" Bradie bursted into laughter.  
"hey!" Shaun pouted.  
I finished the editing and compressed it into an actual video.  
"GUYS, IT'S DONE, COME WATCH!"  
they came running in and watched over my shoulder as I pressed play.  
"oh wow, the editing is great Andy" Bradie said.  
"I look funny" Shaun said  
"Shaun, you look good" I said, maybe shouldn't have though.  
"well, thanks- OH I LOVE BRADIE'S DRUM BIT WITH MY SOLO!" he laughed.  
"that's cooler than I imagined" Bradie agreed, I felt proud of myself. Shaun and Bradie loved it. I looked up at Shaun and Bradie.  
"I think it's great" Bradie said, sitting on my bed.  
"It's amazing" Shaun added, then pulled out his phone, I looked at him.  
"Brooke?"  
"Yeah, I said I'd pick her up from work, good job Andy, you did well" he put his phone in his pocket and patted my shoulder, waving at Bradie and walking out.  
"you still like him don't you" Bradie said once the door closed  
"no, I just don't like Brooke" I turned to him "why does it matter?"  
"it matters because you're my brother and my friend, you still seem hurt by it"  
"She cheated on him, he ran to me, we got together and I thought he was forever until I caught him kissing her. She ruined him, I fixed him, but then she ruined me and no one has fixed me" I looked down.  
"I know, sorry Andrew" he got up "Just, don't hurt yourself, okay?" he walked out and went to his room, I watched him walk out. Well, that's interesting.


	19. Chapter 19

_**months later, March 24th**_

Another band meeting, another day where I haven't had a peak of sleep. I feel this band falling apart, eight years of my life wasted, two big tours, so many gigs, so many uplifted moments in my life, gone. Brooke is so funny with me and Shaun talking whilst I'm single. She thinks I want him back, of course I still love Shaun, no one ever stops being in love, but I wouldn't go back there. Bradie beeped the car horn outside, I ran out and realized it was pouring rain. Oh goodie, I ran into the car, Bradie starting to back out as I did up the seatbelt.  
"Shaun said he has something to tell us" I looked at Bradie concerned  
"what?" oh god, he didn't knock up Brooke did he? He didn't ask to marry her? Oh please, god no.  
"I don't know, he didn't seem too happy but"  
oh yep. Definitely pregnant. "Still hoping good news?"  
"Possibly, who knows."  
"kay" I looked out the window, biting my lip. My memory always seems to fade away most of the good stuff, most bad things never fade away. My brain is a delusional shell, believes it's happy when my heart knows it's not. Bradie stopped in front of the studio, we got out, I made my way inside and saw Shaun, he looked like he had some panic attack or something. It has to be Brooke. I walked into the room where he was with Bradie, I looked at Trevor and Lee, they looked fine, maybe not Brooke then?  
"Shaun, what happened…?"  
"I got asked…to uh…to go solo" he sighed  
My gut dropped, wait, what, no. please, I have to be dreaming.  
"I have a week to decide solo, or stack. I know I could be happier going solo, but stack is like our baby"  
"why can't you do both?" Bradie asked, he didn't seem as upset as I was about to be.  
"different label" Shaun bit his lip, I felt so claustrophobic for some reason.  
"I need a second" I said and quickly ran into the kitchen area, sitting on the couch that was in there, Brooke suddenly walked in with a cherry cola, couldn't I be alone for a second or two?  
"Brooke" I said in a slightly pissed off tone.  
"Oh, hey Andy" she went awkward. I pulled out my phone, Brooke walked away. What is she even doing here. I suddenly heard loud sobbing coming from the room, Shaun, I got up and opened the door to see Shaun snuggled into Brooke's chest having some nervous breakdown or something, this was heartbreaking for two reasons. One, seeing him like this and two, someone else's arms around the man I loved, I felt tears come to my eyes. I breathed deeply and sat next to Lee, we were all so silent as Shaun cried. Bradie tried to comfort him.  
"I don't know what to do! Imagine the fans, I can't, I really can't."  
"Baby, do what you think will make you happy, we're all going to be here for you, this is your future you're talking about. Do what you think is best, we're all gonna be here, right guys?" Brooke said, everyone nodded, I nodded along, what am I doing.  
"I'll do whatever Shaun wants, I like producing, that would be awesome and Andy likes directing."  
"I-I still need to think this through" Shaun sat up and wiped his eyes, I was completely silent but on the inside I was screaming.  
"you have a week…" Trevor said, I got up  
"Bradie, I wanna go home now…" I said softly, sure, Bradie can easily get a job as a producer at some music business, Shaun will go off have fun being solo and I can do directing but maybe I don't want to do directing? I was hoping to have to do that when I'm in my late 30's at least. I never thought I'd see this day. Never.

Once we got home I grabbed a six pack of beer and went to my room. I'm soooo gonna get a job when I'm always depressed and like drinking. I'm not exactly an alcoholic but I sure like to drink, I'm a happy drunk, I feel sorry for Bradie though having to pick me up when I passout and shit. I sat at my desk, I still wouldn't shed a tear. I haven't since Justine, I don't want to cry, I cracked open the lid and started drinking, to think two days ago was Bradie's birthday and Shaun acted like everything was okay. How can he. How? I did my internet lurking, seeing what fans were up to, after sculling down at least 8 or so drinks, I felt slightly intoxicated. I started laughing at whatever the fuck I'm watching on YouTube, I got up and laid on my bed stroking my pillow softly.  
"pillow, you so soft, you've had people I've loved so dearly on you, their beautiful hair and now you're all mine to cuddle" I said to my pillow, I know I'm insane but eh, it's a fucking pillow.  
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, my immature brain instantly thought 'vibrator' I giggled in my head and pulled it out, pressing answer.  
"hellloooooooo, Andy speaking"  
"it's Shaun, you seemed awfully quiet today and yeah"  
"Look, Shaun, my good ol' friend. I am O.K. never worry bout me" I said, hiccupping out of nowhere.  
"Andy…are you drunk"  
"fuck no man, are you?"  
"no?"  
"then I'm not" I continued "hey you, how long have you been asked to do this solo thingy mabob?"  
"honestly…a month or so"  
"you fucking dickhead" I scoffed  
"hey, I just didn't know how to say it okay you drunk fuck"  
"don't go off at me, or as I said, the bands overrrr"  
"you know, I'm not happy with stack, I'm not happy with the album"  
"why's that?'  
"It reminds me of you…"  
I laughed "oh honey, baby, you're so selfish"  
"how?"  
"you trying to choose my career, who said I wanted to be a director, sure, I like it, don't mean I want to do it for the rest of my life and poor Bradie"  
"Bradie said he wouldn't mind. He knows people that can get him a good job in producing"  
"mhm okay then, you're probably gonna say yes so you and Brooke can have a perfect life with all the celebrities you'll work with because they're better than meeee"  
"Andy-"  
"no seriously, man, you only live once so go fucking nuts, without me, you just think for a minute, you THINK about this okay, you can go have your fucking perfect life with your dog and your perfect little woman in your own apartment, oh yeah, Bradie's moving out soon so yay for being alone"  
"you know what, fuck you, you're being the biggest douche, making me feel like shit, not like I'm hurt enough from choosing this!"  
"Shaun, you can take my patronising behaviour as a confirmation or as a 'fuck no, you're staying'"  
"I don't even know what to say to you. I think we're done here. I think it's over. I still have a little while, but I'm done with this bitchiness and fighting and not being happy. Goodbye Andy"  
"Shaun, wait!" and the phone was going 'beep…beep…beep' what have I just done. I can't even think. I went on facebook and typed up a status that looked a tad blurry 'The awkward moment when your jealous/patronising nature gets mistaken for content/approval.' Thank fuck for auto correct. I posted it and sighed. I wasn't going to remember this in the morning. I still have a week to stop this. Keep fighting Andy, you'll win this.  
_**  
Thursday 29**__**th**__** of March…**_

All week I've tried to stay strong, I can't even think straight. I walked into the studio for what could be the last time, the fans never even got to hear what we've been working on. I walked into the room, sitting at the table, Shaun was signing a paper, the paper to break the contract. I felt myself tense up.  
"It's for the best…" Bradie calmly said, putting his hand on my back. Shaun slowly slid the paper across the table to me, this has got to be my fault. I started to shake as I grabbed the pen, I breathed deeply as I signed it slowly, putting the pen down, I put my palms onto my eyes so I wouldn't let tears run. I'm not going to let this happen.  
"Been nice working with you boys" Trevor said  
"Now, we have to figure out what to do about the fans" I heard Bradie say  
"This is going to kill them" Shaun mumbled  
"can we release Art Vandelay? Or can't that happen?"  
"Bradie, I said I didn't want it released, I want to forget about the past"  
"what if we just release the Soul video clip and that's it" Lee said  
I stood up "You'll regret this Shaun, I can't take this anymore, I can't." I felt tears well into my eyes "t-this was my life, now I-I've lost it, my last 8 years are down the drain, did you ever think that one song won't be enough? We could have just cancelled the album and made a different one. Fucking hell. I-I can't stand this. I need to go" I shook Trevor and Lee's hands, hugging them both quickly then walked out, getting into my car and smashed my head on the steering wheel as I bursted into tears, I let it all out, I sobbed loudly, I felt my breathing get heavy, I was breaking down, I started to shake. I hate Shaun. I hate him. I started my car and looked up, Shaun was making his way out, I put my foot on the accelerator and made my way back home. I'm not going to cut myself, I won't let this swallow me.

I got home and ran inside, closing my door, leaning against it as the tears began to fall again, I need to brainstorm, think ahead. What'll be next for me? But all the memories from tours and ect. Was clouding over my mind. I just need sleep. This can't even be happening, I heard arguing from Bradie and Gerald about it, I heard a knock on the door, I opened it to see mum.  
"Andy…" She frowned, I sniffed and wiped my eyes, smiling over the sadness.  
"H-Hey"  
"you alright bub?" She put her hand on my shoulder, I nodded  
"m-mhm…I'll be okay, I-I'll start something new"  
"I know how much you relied on this band"  
"y-yeah…"  
"I made dinner-"  
"not hungry, just sleepy, night mum" I kissed her cheek lightly then closed the door on her, resting my head on the door. I could write my own music, but who am I kidding. I'm not that good at guitar, I can barely even sing, most fans love it but I'm not good, not compared to Shaun. Bradie will do producing and what not. They're going to get so far whilst I sit here slowly getting older. Talking about getting older. 24 next month. I sighed and crashed on the bed, taking my clothes off again and getting under the covers, taking off my bracelets and resting them on the bed side table, I looked at my white wrist, tiny little scars, only a tad lighter than my actual skin colour, thank fuck for being white. I ran my finger over them. I'm stuck with these forever. I breathed deeply and snuggled up. Slowly drifting to the place where I couldn't be hurt. My dreams.

I woke up slowly and checked the time, it's 3pm then realized I had a bunch of text messages from friends '**hey bud, you okay?!**' '**sucks to hear about stack mate, all the best xx**' '**Andy?**' and more, I just felt my gut drop, it's all true, it's all over. I sat up slowly and grabbed my laptop, opening it and going on safari, going onto facebook. My newsfeed was all fans saying how upset they are, how heart broken, how much we meant to them, some were wondering if I was okay. I had 5 inboxes. I sighed and went onto the stack page, what Shaun had written made tears well up into my eyes. I sighed and went onto my page, thinking of what to post. I started writing 'so apparently short stack have broken up. . . fuck i gotta start paying more attention in meetings ha' I found that a bit funny and decided to tweet that instead, then I sat there staring at the screen, thinking what to write, I sighed and started writing 'So im sure by now you've heard the news, Stack is no longer the new black. The past eight years have been a blast, from Budgewoi to Buckingham we've met so many amazing people on so many amazing adventures. I will cherish these days till im wrinkly and old but its time to close this chapter and start a new one. Im excited for the future, so many amazing things to come, including the next musical endeavour which work has just begun (not actually trying to make that rhyme haha ). It might turn out awesome, it might turn out shit, but if theres one thing Iv learnt being in The Stack, its that you can be whoever you want as long as you put your heart, mind and soul into it.

Speaking of "SOUL" i hope you all like our last ever release. I was given the privilege to direct and edit the video. Seemed fitting that our last ever video was shot in the same rehearsal room where it all began eight years ago (fun fact). It cost a whopping $100 so im super proud of how it turnout and i hope you are too. It would mean the world to me if you could forward it to all your friends.

Thats all from me for now but from the bottom of my heart, thanks for the laughs, thanks for the tears, thanks for putting up with all my antics over the years (ha ok that rhyme was on purpose).

its been fun bitchaaaassss

x andy' I swallowed the lump in my throat, I at least wanted to sound happy so the fans didn't think I was miserable. I pressed 'post' and saw comments from statuses, fans so sad, fans telling me some have decided to kill themselves. This can't be true. It can't be. I slammed my laptop closed and felt tears escape my eyes, this is going to be so hard for me.  
_**  
**_


	20. Chapter 20

_****_SHAUN P.O.V

It's been around two weeks. Andy has barely spoken to me, Bradie's moved with Britta to their house. I usually stopped by when I went into the city, I've been busy lately. I walked back in my apartment from surfing, put my board down and went and had a shower. After I got into clothes and opened my laptop, going onto twitter. I saw something from a fan, I opened it to find a snapshot saying 'me me me me me me me #IndirectTweet' from our band account. I clicked on the actual page, it was deleted. Andy, it had to be. I replied to the fans wondering then closed the laptop, grabbing my keys and making my way out the door when Brooke suddenly walked in.  
"Hey baby, where you going?"  
"deal with something…" I said, kissing her cheek lightly before storming out the door, I'll tell her later. I got into my car and did up the seatbelt, starting the engine, making my way to Andy's. He lived so far from here it felt. I pulled up at Andy's and got out, running to his door and knocking on it, Andy opened it, he looked like a bit of a wreck, he usually looks like it when he's alone.  
"what." He said  
"can we talk?"  
"what? Have a proper conversation without fighting or crying, sure, come inside" He said, walking inside to the kitchen, having a drink of beer from a bottle. I closed the door behind me and walked toward him.  
"Andy, what the fuck are you doing with yourself…" He looked at me  
"You ruined me, and all you care about is yourself and that stupid mutt! I'm not even talking about the dog"  
"Fuck you Andy, really, I'm in love with her, can't you leave it at that?"  
"you call that love?"  
"I don't care if she hurts me, I'm in love with her"  
"Mmm, I see your point, me always being in love with you after you hurt me" he sighed, I stared him, what was I to say?  
"so you did the 'me me me' tweet?" I said after a couple silent minutes, he nodded slowly  
"oh, fuck sake"  
"I DELETED IT!"  
"it aint that easy to delete a tweet you fuck head"  
"thank you, I really needed to know how you honestly think of me" He walked into the lounge, I followed.  
"Andy…I don't think you're a fuck head"  
"you ruined me…" he whispered, I think he was about to cry, he sat down, I sat next to him.  
"maybe I shouldn't speak to you for a while"  
"m-maybe" he looked down and sniffed  
"sorry for fucking you up" I said, getting up and making my way back out, getting in the car and starting it, pulling out and making my way home.

I walked inside to find a worried looking, beautiful Brooke standing in front of me.  
"Shaun…I saw your twitter, did you go see Andy?"  
I nodded "I-…I fucked up, didn't I?"  
"no baby, you didn't, don't even think that for a second" She came up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, we looked into each other's eyes.  
"But I did with Andy, I ruined him"  
"no, it was for the best, come on baby, in the end you'll be better off without him, you've drifted a lot from him. Bradie is like your only best friend"  
"I-I guess…"  
"I love you and will always be here for you Shaun" she smiled  
"I love you too, thank you beautiful, I'll always be here…forever" I smiled back slightly and kissed her lightly on her soft lips, she's amazing.

ANDY'S P.O.V

Shaun walked out, I stared at the ground and began to break down again, I always fuck up, I always push people away, thank fuck I'm alone right now. I breathed deeply as tears cascaded slowly down my cheek, I got up and went to my room, sitting on my bed and bursted into tears. I keep thinking about the fans, the fans, Shaun, Bradie, Justine, Shaun, Brooke, everything around me, Short Stack, tours, all of it impacted me and I've lost it. I just want to grab that blade and slice my skin but I can't let it, no more. I don't want a blade to make me more out of control than I already am and it's my birthday it two weeks, mum and Gerald are going away for a couple days. Chris and Ashley are going to Bradie's because mum and Gerald are the only people who actually hear my cries of pain and heartache, but they don't bother helping, maybe they just don't know what to do. I wiped my tears away and breathed shakily, maybe I should just order some pizza and watch a movie to cheer myself up. I grabbed my phone and called the pizza place, ordering then picked some movies from the collection of mine, good old batman and some funny old comedies. I put Batman on first and laid in bed, forgetting all the bad things as I watched it.

_**Two weeks later…**_

I woke up slowly and stretched my body, grabbing my phone and looking at the time, 10:30am and then I looked at a stream of texts from my friends saying '_**Happy Birthday! xx**_'  
great, I'm reminded. A year ago I was with Shaun and I was happy and now I've got nothing with a soul feeling nothing. I replied back to all, Shanny asked if I wanted to go to Avengers launch, I smiled slightly, at least that gave me something to be looking forward to. I said yes and got up, eating any left overs I could find in the fridge and heated it up in the microwave. I saw a wrapped up box on the table. I smiled and grabbed it. The card on it read 'Happy Birthday Andy! have a great day, much love, Mum, Gerald and family xxx' I smiled bigger and unwrapped it to find a family photo, my sisters, mum, Bradie and Gerald, with Chris and Ashley. A couple shirts and a pair of jeans, just what I needed. I smiled and went to my room, sitting the photo on my desk and clothes on my bed, I heard the microwave so I went and quickly got the food out, starting to eat it as I walked to the lounge, I heard a knock on the door, I rolled my eyes and put the bowl down, going to the door. I opened it to find Bradie and Britta, they both have the largest smiles in the world, I swear, they're a perfect couple.  
"Happy Birthday Andy!" Bradie said  
"thanks bro" I smiled, Britta kissed my cheek and passed me a present, seemed like a DVD or something.  
"Just thought we'd stop by and drop off something you might enjoy" She smiled  
"you got me midget porn didn't you?" we all laughed  
"no, it's skyrim, yeah, you were borrowing mine but since I took it with me, we bought you one."  
"aw guys, thank you so much" I smiled and hugged them both quickly.  
"you're welcome, happy birthday Andy" Britta smiled.  
"wow…did you guys want to come inside for a drink or?"  
"no, we really gotta head off and do work and things" Bradie said, his arm firmly around her waist. I was so jealous of their relationship.  
"Alrighty, see you for dinner soon right? Just give me a ring" I smiled  
"will do" Britta said  
"bye Andy" Bradie said, they turned around, walking back to their car.  
"see ya!" I smiles and closed the door. Can't believe they got me skyrim.

After finishing my food and played a bit of skyrim, I went on twitter on my phone. I decided to lurk Shaun's twitter. He's been on…but no happy birthday tweet to me like all the other years, he tweeted happy birthday to Bradie when it was his birthday, why not me? Selfish cunt. I locked my phone and sat up, I hate feeling so alone, I hate feeling the need to drag a blade down my wrist and slice it apart, what if I killed myself today? No one would care. I doubt it. Fans just talk to Shaun now, they don't need me. Mum isn't here. My dad hasn't even bothered to call. No one needs me. Shaun walked out, he has Brooke. Bradie has Britta. No one needs me. After at least 5 minutes, I was breaking down again, my thoughts kept yelling at me saying I'm not needed, wanted or loved. I knew my life was going to end today. What's the point on living honestly. I sat of the side of my bed and searched through my drawer, aha! Found it. I pulled out the blade, I started to shake, pressing it softly onto the start on my vein in my wrist. I breathed deeply.  
"c'mon Andy…do it" I mumbled to myself, tears still rolling down my face, slowly pushing down on my vein until I heard a knock at the door, I jolted and dropped the blade, my heart started racing, I wiped my eyes and ran to the door, opening it. I froze suddenly, it was Justine, but her hair was black now, she clearly dyed it.  
"Oh thank fuck you're okay Andy!" She said worriedly, jumping onto me and wrapping her arms around my neck, I wrapped my arms around her waist and hugged her, what was I going to say? Why was she even worried.  
"Justine…" I said softly  
"Andy, I was worried, I heard about the break up and I went on twitter and you hadn't tweeted and I saw what Shaun was like and everything, I know how much this band meant to you, I'm so glad you're okay." She hugged me again, I smiled, she cared. She's like my angel I swear.  
"Happy birthday Andy…" She whispered  
"you remembered, fuck, you're an angel I swear" I smiled, she pulled away and looked at me.  
"I missed you so much" she said  
"I missed you too, I really needed you, I really fucked up, I'm so sorry baby" I kissed her softly without thinking, thank fuck she kissed me back, I smiled at her.  
"want to tell me what's been happening for all this to happen?"  
"sure…it's a long story though" I laughed in pettiness of myself.

We sat down and I told her what happened, all the fighting, everything. I may have shed a few tears.  
"so…Shaun's going solo?" She asked, I nodded  
"You know he's just going to realize that deep down it's always been pop/punk rock and Short Stack" She continued  
"Yeah, but Shaun is all about the future, he acts like me and him never happened, like Brooke never cheated and now he acts like Stack never existed and Bradie's happy producing and just…gah" I sighed, she wrapped her arms around me. I closed my eyes and rested my head on her shoulder.  
"I don't know why but I had a feeling you weren't okay"  
I looked at her "you pretty much just saved my life" I looked down, biting my lip.  
"R-Really…wha-…how?"  
"you see the faint scratch above my vein?" I showed her my wrist "I was about to slice it open"  
"fuck…"  
"yeah" I breathed deeply  
"you don't realize how lucky you are to be here Andy, you don't realize that you're beautiful, talented and much more. You may not have the smartest brain in spelling, grammar and such but in music, photography and such, you are Andy. stop letting up here" she tapped my head "effect in here" she tapped where my heart was, I felt it beat a bit faster. I smiled.  
"you're so…amazing, Justine"  
"Just helping a friend" she smiled slightly.  
"yeah…friend" I smiled back  
"uh, I better go" she got up.  
"o-oh, okay" I got up as she went to the door, I opened it for her.  
"thanks, see you" She smiled and walked out  
"bye…" I bit my lip and closed the door. Why didn't I ask her out? Why didn't I say anything. I know she doesn't have a car, she would have walked. I opened the door and just stared outside for a bit.  
"you can do this…" I whispered to myself. I looked to my left in the mirror, fuck, I looked like shit, I quickly brushed my hair and put my thongs on, running outside, I looked left to see her walking to the bus stop. I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran up to her.  
"Justine" I said from behind her  
"Andy?" she turned around, I smiled slightly  
"I-I was just wondering if you wanted to come over on Thursday? I would ask you to stay the night but Shan really wants me to go to the avengers launch for my birthday. Unless you wanna stay until then? I mean, if you want."  
"I'll come over Thursday Andy, don't fret" she smiled, oh I loved that smile.  
"okay…see you then" I smiled and turned around, making my way back  
"see you!" I heard her say as I walked back home, I walked inside and rested my head on the front door, smiling. She's so easy going. I'm not going to fuck this up. I better not fuck it up.

_**Two days later**_

Justine's coming over in an hour. Holy fuck am I excited. I want to ask her back, I know, I kissed her and all that but I should do it more formally? Be a good guy for once in a blue moon. She's such a great girl. One of the best I have ever met. So sweet and kind and shares the same interests, not to mention how we can have fun and she won't get offended. I quickly cleaned the house and looked at myself in the mirror. I breathed deeply and put my hair in place, hearing a knock on the door, I bit my lip and walked over to the door casually, opening it.  
"Justine" I smiled  
"Hey Andy" She smiled back, walking inside.  
"I was thinking we could order chinese or pizza, I'm not that good of a cook and don't want to burn food that goes inside you…your mouth. Yeah." I said awkwardly, she giggled.  
"Alrighty" She said. I smiled  
"Come on" I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the lounge, we both sat down.  
"So, what's been happening?" I asked  
"Just work really, hanging with the girls. You know" he smiled  
"Better than what's been happening with me lately. I'm so glad you found me aye, after you went home on my birthday I went on my computer and found out my fans had made a letter and trended me on twitter, I was seriously so speechless. If they did lose me that day, they would have been crushed"  
"Sh, Andy, you know you don't deserve that pain, you deserve happiness."  
"I'm always hoping for the best. Keep your hopes up high and your head down low" I said, quoting All I Want by A Day To Remember.  
"you like ADTR?" she asked.  
"yes, fucking love them" I smiled  
"So do I" She smiled back.  
"All I Want is one of my favourites" I got up and turned it on, on the iPod dock.  
"One of mine too. They're pretty freaking amazing"  
"oh they are" I laughed "may we get some food now?" I said, a bit hungry  
"sure, just pizza, you know what I like"  
"sure do" I smiled and pulled out the phone from my pocket and ordered. I heard Justine turn up the music, I said goodbye and hung up the phone, making my way back into the lounge.  
"LET'S LEAVE NO WORDS UNSPOKEN, SAVE REGRETS FOR THE BROKEN, WILL YOU EVEN LOOK BACK WHEN YOU THINK OF ME?!" I sung loudly, she joined "ALL I WANT IS A PLACE TO CALL MY OWN AND MEND THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE WHO FEELS ALONE, WOAH, YOU KNOW TO KEEP YOUR HOPES UP HIGH AND YOUR HEAD DOWN LOW" we both sung and instantly bursted into laughter, she put the biggest smile on my face.  
"Oh Justine, Justine, Justine…" I smiled  
"what?" she bit her lip.  
"nothing" I said, blushing slightly as I heard the doorbell, I went to the door and paid for the pizza, putting it on the table. Justine came up behind me and hugged me, I smiled.  
"what you doing?"  
"just hugging you" She smiled then grabbed a slice of her pizza, putting it on her plate.  
"hey, I could have done that for you" I pouted  
"I'm a grown woman Andy, I can do things myself" She laughed and sat on the couch, eating her slice. I sat next to her with my plate of 4 or so slices, starting to eat them. God dammit I'm a pig.  
"got enough pizza there?" Justine laughed, snatching one of my slices.  
"hey! I'm hungry" I pouted  
"I just want to try" She pouted cutely, taking a bite.  
"alright, you can eat it" I laughed and continued eating.  
Both of us managed to finish both pizzas but yes, I did eat more than her. We were so full.  
"want a beer?" I asked  
"yes please, I'm quite thirsty" she said, pressing next on my iPod dock. I smiled and got up, going to the fridge and grabbed the beers. I trust her so much with my iPod since she likes the same music as me. I came back in and passed her one, then opening mine.  
"thanks" she smiled, having a sip and putting it on the coffee table. I had a gulp of mine and placed it next to hers, sitting next to her.  
"Justine…" I said, biting my lip suddenly getting nervous.  
"yeah?" She turned to me, I turned the volume down on the dock and grabbed her hand slowly.  
"The reason why I asked you over today was because I missed you and, I really want you back in my life. I can't deny the fact that I'm crazy about you Justine, I must've been lucky to find a girl like you and I don't and will never let you go. Justine, be mine? Again?"  
"Oh Andy, that's so sweet of you" she smiled big "I missed you too, so much" She wrapped her arms around my neck as I wrapped mine around her waist.  
"of course I'll be your girlfriend…" she whispered, I smiled as butterflies instantly filled my stomach, I pulled away from the hug and put my hand on her cheek softly, leaning in and meeting my lips with hers, we closed our eyes and kissed slowly, I smiled as I pulled away.  
"you're beautiful" I said honestly. She blushed.  
"Thanks" she bit her lip  
"OH! It's not official till it's on facebook" I smiled and grabbed my laptop from the other couch, turning it on.  
"aw, you're cute…but, what about the fans?"  
"They'll love you, trust me, they all hate Brooke because they think she's some hipster bitchy slut that cheated on Shaun and Shaun's also the front man so the teenies hate it"  
"wow, Brooke's a strong girl to pull through all that."  
"I know, surprises me they're still going." I said, changing my relationship status into 'in a relationship'  
"NOW GO ON AND ACCEPT YOUR REQUEST!" I said, smiling big, she giggled then grabbed my laptop.  
"can't accept from my phone, silly" She laughed and logged into her facebook, confirming the request and logging out.  
"there" she smiled  
"yay!" I giggled and wrapped my arms around her, she laughed and snuggled into me slightly.  
"what's the time?" she asked, I pulled out my phone.  
"nine"  
"I should sleep babe, I have to work early tomorrow" she frowned.  
"B-But" I frowned  
"what about if we both sleep and you take me to work tomorrow?" she said, putting her finger on my chest, I smiled, looking in her eyes.  
"that sounds great"  
"come on" She got up, holding her hand out for mine, I grabbed it and stood up.  
"wait, I've always wanted to do this." I held her back and leant down, scooping her legs up so she was in my arms, she squealed.  
"oh my fucking god Andy!" she gasped  
"weren't ready for that, were ya?" I winked at her, giggling a smirk.  
"not at all" she laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck as I walked her to the bedroom, laying her down slowly on my bed.  
"you're gorgeous" I smiled down at her, she bit her lip. I giggled and changed into my underwear, I looked at her to find her taking off her jewellery and everything, keeping her underwear and singlet on, her body stood out to me, it was such a beautiful shape.  
"wow, little miss beautiful right here" I smiled and got under the covers, looking at her, she kissed my head softly.  
"wait until I take my make up off, then you'll see little miss ugly"  
"I honestly doubt that"  
"we'll see" she laughed and got up, going to the bathroom and came back five minutes later with her hair tied up and makeup off. She was still beautiful in my eyes, she got in bed next to me and snuggled into my chest.  
"S-So collllllllld" She shaked, I wrapped my arms around her, keeping her close.  
"you're so beautiful baby" I whispered  
"you're so warm, also beautiful, Andy" she looked up at me, smiling.  
"your arms are actually quite strong, they make me feel protected" she continued, laughing.  
I blushed and bit my lip.  
"I'll always protect you" I smiled, kissing her lips softly, she smiled and put her hand on my neck, leaning up to get a deeper kiss, I smiled and held her waist as we kissed deep and slow. She was such an amazing kisser, my stomach was full of butterflies and I can't believe I'm not even getting a boner, I have a sexy girl with underwear and a singlet on and all I can think about I how beautiful she is and how soft her lips are against mine. I pulled away slowly, kissing her lips once more quickly.  
"you should sleep" I giggled  
"that was a very good kiss, I don't think I'll be able to sleep" she giggled with me, I pulled her close and hugged her like a teddy-bear, closing my eyes.  
"sh, Andy tired"  
"Justine tired too" she whispered, I felt her head lean on my chest, she sighed tiredly.  
"goodnight Justine…"  
"goodnight Andy"  
Before I knew it, we were both asleep.

SHAUN P.O.V

I woke up on Friday morning around 4am and checked my twitter, surprised some kids were still awake. One tweet stood out to me. 'Oh my god andyclemmensen and his girlfriend are adorable 3 she's so beautiful!' what. When. Why. I went onto Andy's profile which I often lurked since he deleted me and Brooke from his facebook a while back. It wouldn't show who he was in a relationship with, but I saw Justine, his ex, tag him in a post. I clicked onto her page and found out that they're back together and not just dating they're boyfriend and girlfriend. I instantly filled with some kind of jealousy, he never tells me anything anymore. Yeah, sure, we haven't talked in a while. I have ignored most things asked about him. But this is seriously not right. It doesn't feel right.

After going to the studio I stopped at Bradie and Britta's, knocking.  
"Shaun?" Bradie said confused as he opened the door.  
"I just thought I'd stop by for a drink on the way home"  
"coolies" he smiled, I walked into his place. It was small but big, kind of like my apartment but different, less modern.  
"so, how's things?" he asked, passing me a beer.  
"great, I'm writing music with Sinj lately. Brooke and I are great, but I'm just worried-"  
"about Andy?"  
"yeah…" I said, taking a sip.  
"Shaun, you said you didn't want to speak to him"  
"I thought it was for the best."  
"it probably is. But I found out something yesterday, Andy was about to kill himself on his birthday"  
I froze "w-wh-…why?" I asked, confused.  
"Dad always tells me about Andy crying sometimes till two in the morning. Ever since the break-up he's been off, Andy told me himself that he was about to slice down his vein and then Justine knocked at the door and practically saved him"  
"cute…but I honestly thought Andy was okay? I'm so stupid" I shook my head, Bradie had a sip of his beer.  
"not your fault, he's so bottled up about it, but he breaks down easily. Thank fuck Justine knocked at the door. Or else I'd be in tears planning my step brothers funeral-"  
"please, stop" I cringed slightly at the thought of Andy dead.  
"he used to tell me everything…now we don't even speak" I sighed  
"it'll work out, it always does" Bradie smiled assuringly  
"yeah…anyway, how's your work going?"  
"excellent, making up tunes for a short movie type of thing"  
"that's awesome, you should tell me when it's done" I smiled then looked at my watch.  
"shit, I have to pick up Brooke from work. I'll see you, right buddy?" I hugged him quickly  
"yeah, sure man, no problem" Bradie smiled  
"Bye!" I yelled as I ran out the door. I got in the car and made my way to Brooke's work. I still can't believe Andy wanted to commit, I don't want to believe it, but thanks to Justine he's here. I would speak to Andy myself but I'm afraid to now, I don't know why…I just feel like that it's my fault.


	21. Chapter 21

ANDY P.O.V

I woke up Sunday morning with a throbbing head, watery eyes and aching bones, I looked next to me to see Justine was gone, she was always working, luckily her times were getting changed soon. I groaned and stretched my body. All I remember from last night is going to Blaze with Justine, seeing Brooke there with her friends. Awkwardly dancing and that's all. I got up and went to the bathroom slowly, grabbing two Panadols and then a beer from the fridge, popping them in my mouth and washing them down with the beer. Alcohol is a great hangover cure.  
"Andy, why are you drinking?" Bradie aid, I jumped slightly. Why is he here?  
"hangover cure, what are you doing here?"  
"looking after your stupid ass. You got drunk last night, Justine said you were laughing in happiness and doing all sorts of weird shit. I had to help her bring you back here at 4am, you were trashed"  
"well it won't happen again, I'm sorry. It was probably because Brooke was there"  
"sure, then explain all those other times you got drunk during last week and the week before"  
"so what, I like to drink"  
"you get drunk to make yourself happy. You're an alcoholic Andy!"  
"no, I'm looking for a good time."  
"you're gonna kill yourself, you realize that?"  
fuck, he was in a shittier mood than normal.  
"FINE! I'll 'quit' drinking If that's what you want me to do" I said, putting the beer back in the fridge. My head banged at the sound of the closing door.  
"thank you" he sighed  
"now fuck off so I can sleep" I said, walking back towards my room.  
"fine, whatever. See you" he said, the slam of the front door killed me. I groaned and collapsed on the bed. I can't believe I made a fool of myself in front of Justine. I'm not an alcoholic though. I swear I'm not. I just like being happy, I'm happiest with Justine. I wish I had her in my arms right now. I sighed and closed my eyes. I just want to be happy. My happiness is Justine; she takes my mind off everything and makes me smile. I miss smiling. Yeah, I used to drink a lot but I've cut down. That has to be at least the fourth time Bradie has called me an alcoholic. I hate it when he says it. I really fucking do. I felt my phone vibrate on my bed suddenly. I looked at it. '_**Open your door…**_' it was Shaun. Fuck. I got up slowly, sliding some track pants on and my hoodie, walking to the door, opening it.  
"What?" I sighed  
"Why didn't you tell me…" he looked hurt. Okay then?  
"What?" I said slightly confused, itching my head.  
"Justine. You, tr-…"  
"tried to kill myself? Oh, I didn't think you would care, you said it was best if you were out of my life so…"  
"Can we talk about this, please"  
"fine" I sighed, walking to the kitchen and sitting at the table. Shaun sat next to me.  
"Andy, w-why did you even try…? On your birthday…"  
"I just feel like no one cares" I looked down at my arm then back at him.  
"I-I care" he bit his lip  
"If you cared you wouldn't have of kissed Brooke when we were together, happily, or at least that's what I thought…"  
"It was a mistake, but look what happened, you're happy with Justine"  
"but I've lost someone I was close too. I don't know if I can even trust you" I admitted. He swallowed hard. "Andy, I'm affected by everything as much as you are"  
"so you thought 'yeah, I'll go solo' so we can all be miserable? That's great"  
"no…you know that there was more than one reason for that. I'm honestly still fucking upset from it. It still hasn't processed through my brain that it's true, Andy. I-I can't. I don't." he sighed "I don't like speaking about things that made me feel like crap, because of my mistakes. Stack was our baby, Andy, it meant the freaking WORLD to me, but the memories, I couldn't handle it and now, I just don't want to remember"  
"I-I loved you…" my voice cracked, looking down.  
"I loved you too, please never think that I used you and Stack just to get ahead in life"  
"yeah, well, I still don't feel the need for you being in my life" I mumbled, he grabbed my arm and lifted my sleeve  
"and these tiny little scars are to prove that?"  
"mmm" I pulled my arm from his grip, pulling my sleeves down.  
"I'm sorry Andy" He sniffed, heeere we go. I didn't say anything.  
"Maybe y-you're right in the end, maybe you are, better off, without me."  
I kept looking down, He put his hand on my shoulder, I looked at him.  
"Just remember, you and I was the best experience of my life" He leant in to kiss my head, I turned it away, I didn't want to be remembered.  
"but clearly, I just lost my best mate in the end…" he continued. I looked down as he got up.  
"Hope to hear from you soon…and good news too…b-bye, Andy…" he breathed deeply, I saw him walk out the door, I felt a tear escape my eye, I quickly wiped it.  
"Stupid Shaun" I mumbled, sniffing. I can't believe him. He expects me to be okay with everything. I'm not as strong as him. Once upon a time, he was the one crying in my arms. I felt my phone vibrate, I pulled it out of my pocket to see the photo of me and Shaun kissing with the text '_**Just remember this, I know we don't want this anymore, but I just thought you should know that I'll always love you, as a b-…**_' the text started, I bit my lip and slid the unlock button and went to type in my code when the door opened, I quickly locked the phone, putting it on the table face down, wiping my eyes from any tears. Justine walked in.  
"Hey baby…you don't look so good" she said, I looked up at her beautiful face, made me smile instantly.  
"I'm fine baby, just a morning hangover, sorry you have to see me like this babe, I-I'm gonna go get changed" I bit my lip and stood up, kissing her cheek softly, practically running to my room. I quickly did my hair nicely and put on a good shirt and jeans, spraying myself with Lynx. I walked to the lounge to see Justine with my phone. Shit.  
"so…does Shaun want you back?" she said, she looked at me like she was heart-broken, ah, fuck life.  
"no baby, no" I grabbed my phone and sat next to her, wrapping my arm around her.  
"then what is that. 'Just remember this, I know we don't want this anymore, but I just thought you should know that I'll always love you, as a…? did he say boyfriend?"  
"no! I fucking doubt it Justine look, I'll look at it with you, okay?" I slid the unlock button and did the code, starting to read the message.  
"Just remember this, I know we don't want this anymore, but I just thought you should know that I'll always love you, as a brother, always. I really fucking miss you, I just thought you should know. I thought you'd be the man I'd be having fun in a nursing home with when we're 90 and old and our kids don't care about us anymore. You're like my best friend forever, I can't imagine life without you. I just thought you should know. ily, bye…and he added a kiss" I bit my lip, I didn't even know what to think about it. Justine grabbed the phone.  
"He's so…I don't know, he likes to mess with your head"  
"yeah…" I sighed, Justine pressed the phone and zoomed in on the photo  
"as much as my heart feels completely fucked, I don't even know about this picture, it's actually cute, you can see how much you two loved each other"  
"Meh, I turned into in the end"  
"He looks like a good kisser"  
"not as good as you, come on, give me your phone" I locked my phone, putting it on the table, she passed me hers, I went onto camera.  
"what are you doing?" she smiled slightly  
"I'm about to kiss the most amazing girl I've ever met, what about you?" I smirked, leaning in slowly.  
"about to kiss the most handsome man I've ever met" she whispered, I giggled slightly and leaned in, kissing her lips slowly and she motioned with me, I closed my eyes and took a photo or two, putting her phone down then caressing her cheeks, kissing her slow but lovingly, she breathed deeply, pulling away but keeping her head to mine.  
"Andy…I don't know what you're doing"  
"I just want to…I-I don't know, I want to like" I blushed, I didn't want to say 'love you' in case she'd flip out.  
"what?"  
"like l-…" I bit my lip "Just, kiss me" I whispered, looking in her beautiful eyes, she smiled and leaned in again, I kissed her lips softly, I moved my hands to her waist, pulling her closer. She smiled under the kiss. I slid my tongue in slowly, I felt her smirk widen as I battled with her tongue slowly, I ran my hands slowly up her back then slowly made one to her boob, she giggled and entwined her fingers in my hair as I deepened the make out, I felt her hand slide down to my crotch, I let out a soft moan immediately. Holy fuck. My pants suddenly got tighter, she pulled away slowly, cocking her eyebrow.  
"no, no, no, keep kissing me." I said quickly  
"I was rather thinking we take this to the bedroom" she giggled flirtingly.  
"oh, I see"  
she winked and laughed, I stood her up as I got up and pulled her into the bedroom. Before I knew it…sex…

"oh wow" Justine said, breathless, I looked at her and smirked, breathing heavily.  
"been a while since that's happened"  
"I can tell" she giggled and leaned over to me, kissing my lips lightly.  
"I-…I think you're really amazing, Andy"  
"I think you're amazing too baby" I smiled, putting my hand on her cheek and returning the kiss.  
"I'm really tired now" she said, blushing slightly, pushing her face into my neck  
"well then, let's get extra cozy and warm and sleep" I smiled and pulled the blanket over our bodies, holding her beautiful body close, she smiled and kissed my chest softly. I wanted to say 'I love you' but I just can't. I know I'm in love with her, I'm fucking crazy about her.  
"night Andy" she smiled and closed her eyes  
"night, beautiful…" I sighed and closed my eyes, I treasure every moment with this woman, her body is flawless, her eyes are beautiful, her personality is amazing. I really do not want to fuck this up. I don't think I'll ever find a girl like her ever again.


	22. Chapter 22

**August**_**…**_

SHAUN P.O.V  
I woke up at 5am, I head off to America today, I'm so excited. I really hope Bradie and Andy like it, even though I haven't really spoken to either of them. I still can't believe Bradie unfollowed me on twitter, even though apparently it was a mistake. I mean, I can't believe I made a big deal out of it. He's my best friend and after everything that's happened, my mind just lost control for those seconds. Bradie seems to be happy anyway, he's been making some awesome sounds for upcoming ads and stuff, he's always loved to do that. As for Andy, I have no clue, last I heard he wanted to get into the music business again or become a director. He deleted his facebook page but brought it back, I guess he just didn't know. He was shocked to find out I was still with Trevor and that, we had a little argument, it was pretty stupid, but he's still chosen to keep me out of his life, for now, just until he picks up his pieces and he is in a loving relationship with Justine as much as I am with Brooke. Brooke is just beautiful and it's funny to see Andy look at a woman with not an 'I want you in my bed' look but an actual 'I love you' look, those looks we used to give each other. Of course I don't love Andy like that anymore, but that was one of the best things that ever happened to me, being that close to a best friend, not caring what the world thought, it was amazing. One day, I may say the real reason for the break up, of course it was musical differences, I'm into the dance and rock & roll, Andy's into rock, punk rock, you name it and Bradie's into all sorts of shit and I was always so frustrated when something didn't sound right in my mind, it all just drifted musically, but I think we're all happy now, I have freedom now, even though I loved working with my best friends, it wasn't working. I'm also happy for the fans who like You're So Cool, but none of my stuff I'm making now and will finish when I get to America will be like that, it'll be spectacular, no doubt. I really hope they like it, I really hope so. I can't wait. I heard a quick knock on the door, I turned to see Brooke walk in, I smiled, she looked so tired though, but the excitement glimmered in her eyes.  
"Baby, help me put the stuff in the car? We can get maccas at the airport" she smiled. I zipped up my suitcase and pulled it off the bed.  
"alright, let me put this in the boot. Did you take Honey to Mum's?" I asked, walking down to the car, putting the suitcase in. Brooke followed with three heavy tote bags, women, they always have so many things. I grabbed the bags off her and put them in with my two bags.  
"thank you babe and yes, I did" she smiled. I kissed her head softly and looked around and notice the sun rise.  
"man, it's be such a good time to surf right now" I pouted  
"Shaun, you can surf in America, you know?" she laughed, going back inside, I closed the boot and went after her.  
"yeah, I know that but still, nothing's like good ol' Australia" I said in a bogan accent, laughing.  
"you're so cute, how can you be so awake?" she laughed.  
"I need coffee, then see how I am" I laughed "So, we got everything?"  
"I think so" she smiled and looked around  
"lights off?"  
"yep"  
"back door locked?"  
"yes"  
"alright" I smiled big, butterflies of excitement filled my stomach.  
"ready to go?" Brooke said, grabbing her handbag  
"most definitely" I smiled and grabbed the laptop bag I was taking with me, it didn't have my laptop in it though, just stuff to do on the plane. Brooke kissed me softly, I kissed her back, smiling.  
"I'm so excited for you baby" she smiled, grabbing my hand  
"I love you so much Brooke" I whispered in her ear, grabbing her hand, she smiled and walked out with me.  
"I love you too Shaun" my heart still pounds when she says that. This girl has my heart, she pretty much completes me. I locked up the doors and walked down to the car, getting in my side as Brooke got in the other side. We put our seat belts on and I started the car, making my way down to the airport which was an hour away…

ANDY P.O.V

I woke up at 6:30am to my alarm, sending shockwaves through my brain and making it pound. Why did I drink so much last night? I grabbed my phone and looked at it, my eyes squinted from the brightness 'Shaun's farewell to America'. Shit, that's today? I've been miserable, heartbroken the past two weeks, Shaun doesn't even know, I hope no one knows.

-FLASH BACK-  
I walked in from my ski trip, dumping my bags by the door and walked down the hall into my room, I stood still when I saw Justine there with her head down low, she looked up at me. She was hiding something from me.  
"H-Hey Andy, I ordered the pizza. You have to go pick it up soon"  
"right" I said slightly annoyed, I just walked in the house, I leaned down and kissed her softly, she kissed me back harder, I pulled away and sighed.  
"what happened Justine?"  
"…You should pick up the pizza now" she said, biting her lip. I breathed deeply, there was so much negativity in this room right now. I walked out of the room and grabbed the keys and my wallet, heading back to the car. I basically sped down to the store, it wasn't that far away but I still want to know what the fuck happened whilst I was gone. I got out of the car and walked in, the girl came up to the counter with the pizza in her hands.  
"Andy?"  
"Yep" I said, practically snatching them from her grip, she looked at me weirdly. I pulled out my wallet.  
"16 dollars please" she said, I put the pizzas on the bench and passed her the right amount of money, putting my wallet back in my pocket.  
"keep the receipt" I said, grabbing the pizzas and walking out, getting back in the car, I put the pizzas on the passenger seat and zoomed out, all the way back home. My thoughts were running over themselves. 'What if she's leaving you?' 'What if she's pregnant?' 'What if she did something?', I felt myself tense up as I grabbed the pizzas and walked up the driveway and into my house, going into the lounge room where Justine was, I placed the boxes down on the coffee table, she just looked at me as I sorted out who's was who's and gave hers to her, I opened the box and grabbed a slice, starting to eat it and watch TV. Justine was doing the same, I got up to my second slice and sighed, putting the piece down, turning to her.  
"I know something happened…tell me what happened when I was gone Justine"  
"Y-You're probably going to leave me"  
"why…?" I asked, scared and angry. Her face was emotionless.  
"Because, when you went on the ski trip with the boys, I went out to the club with the girls and I…" she looks down, in pity of herself. I felt my heart start to ache before she even finished.  
"W-What did you to me?" I asked softly, she sniffed and looked up with a tear running down her face.  
"I cheated on you Andy…"  
I felt my heart smash, my trust in her faded from that moment. I felt suddenly angry, broken and relapsed over the last time this happened.  
"Why the fuck did you do that?! You KNOW about what happened with Shaun. Didn't you ever think about me? Why the fuck would you do that, what gives you the thought that cheating is okay?"  
"I-I'm sorry okay! I didn't even want a big relationship, you were just meant to be a fling-"  
"A fling? Oh wow, I really am blind to have fallen for you" I got up, she grabbed my hand.  
"but then I fell in love with you…" she said in her innocent voice.  
"if you loved me you wouldn't do that to me! You don't love me Justine, you obviously used me for sex until you found a guy better than me"  
"no one is better than you, you're perf-"  
"OBVIOUSLY NOT!" I pulled my hand out of her grip and turned to her.  
"I want you out of my house, my life and my head forever, you disgust me."  
"Andy-"  
"GO!" I pouted toward the door, breathing in and out deeply. Justine got up slowly and walked over to me.  
"I love you okay"  
"tell me one thing, what did he look like? Wait, don't tell me, I mean, tell me."  
"he was really buff, dark hair, brown eyes, I don't remember that much…"  
"he's everything I'm not, ha. Just go, I don't want to see you ever again…"  
"I'm so sorry Andy, I do love you, I really do."  
"go."  
She walked out slowly and closed the door. I closed my eyes, the pain hit me. I stormed to my room and slammed the door. I punched the back of the door multiple times, just bursting into tears. Why does this always fucking happen to me? Why can't I be happy? Why must my life be so fucked, why can't I just be good enough? Why do I fall so easy? I sat on my bed, by face in my palms, all the emotions just pouring out. I was literally sobbing. I looked up and breathed deeply, trying to calm down, I can't let this swallow me. I wiped my eyes. I heard a knock on my door.  
"Andy, you should get rid of the pizza boxes before Christopher gets to them" my mum said, I sighed shakily.  
"Why can't you do it?"  
"because it's not my pizza Andrew, now do it."  
I sighed and got up, opening the door, mum wasn't there no more. I walked to the lounge and grabbed the boxes, going to the kitchen. I started throwing the slices into the bin one by one to let my anger out.  
"Andy, don't waste the pizza, put it in the fridge."  
"no mum, I'm honestly not in the bloody mood for anything. I'm going to bed, night" I pushed the pizza on the bench and started making my way back to my room.  
"Andy…?" my mum asked. My older sister started whispering to her. She probably overheard. I heard my mum say a sympathetic "oh Andrew…" as I slammed my door closed. I made sure the curtains were closed and turned my light off as I got in my bed, just snuggling up as I cried, and cried. Why did this happen to me?

-FLASHBACK OVER-

Ever since Justine did that to me I haven't been able to trust another human again, I'll never find love. They all just hurt me. I bet a fan wouldn't hurt me if I got with them, but that's a gross thought, they're like my brothers and sisters and they're all younger than me. I just want a decent human to be with me and treat me right. Like, be like Shaun but not kiss other people. Ugh, Shaun. I looked at the time, 7am. I've been thinking about talking to Shaun the past two weeks to fix things between us. Should I go say farewell? I don't want him to worry for me, but I really need a friend who doesn't joke about serious things like most of my friends do. They think a drink will fix my problems, which it does, but then it just hits again in a recurring circle. I need Shaun in my life. I got out of my bed and put my jeans on and a shirt, shivering from how cold it was. I sprayed myself with Lynx and put my hoodie on. I went to the bathroom, fixing my hair. Wow, I look like shit. I sighed and brushed my teeth quickly. I think Shaun's plane leaves around 8. I ran back to my room and slipped my vans on, grabbing my keys. I walked out of the house and closed the door behind me carefully, I put the hood over my head and ran through the rain to my car, getting in quickly, I started the car and sped through the rain to the freeway.  
I got to the airport and parked, getting out of the car and locking it, running into the airport, where the fuck could he be. I looked at my phone '7:50am' ah fuck. I only have ten minutes. I searched through the airport, hoping to find him anywhere. But then I saw it. Brooke's blonde head. Ugh. I started running toward them, they were about to board the plane.  
"SHAUN!" I screamed, running.  
"Andy?" he turned around, I jumped on him, hugging him tight, closing my eyes. I missed him so much. He wrapped his arms around me.  
"Andy, what are you doing here?"  
"I-I just missed you so much, I need a friend right now Shaun. J-Justine cheated on me and I'm just so alone" I said, starting to break down, well this is embarrassing.  
"Sh Andy, it's okay, I'm here. I missed you too…Why would Justine do that?"  
"It was a drunken mistake but I felt so useless" I sniffed.  
"you aren't useless Andy, you have me" he kissed my head to console me, which I won't lie, it helped.  
"I'm really sorry Andy but baby, we have to go like, now" Brooke said, Shaun sighed and pulled away.  
"I have to go…" Shaun said  
"Good luck" I smiled at him, wiping my eyes.  
"I love you alright? Message me if you need me"  
"I-I will…I love you too"  
"bye" Shaun smiled slightly, waving, Brooke also waved, I waved back and smiled.  
"bye…"  
They walked away together, hand in hand onto the plane. I turned away and walked back towards my car. I know there will always be feelings for Shaun, I'll love him forever. But I can't not have him in my life, he's my best friend, forever.

THE END

(sort of…alternative ending next chapter x)

**A/N:** Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this. I've spent 8 or so months on this :$ It's been quite hard to write this throughout the break up and everything. This could have fucked your mind up as muh as mine and realized these "shandy" moments. I did a hell lot of research to make it as realistic as possible, but i went wild at some places, the drunk sex was requested by a friend and so was the alternative ending. who doesn't like a happily ever after?

(Yes, I did change this chapter. Sadly, Andy and Justine did break up so I had to rewrite it, I couldn't keep it this way knowing they are no longer together and no, I'm not saying Justine cheated, I just needed a good reason to work with :$)

The whole thing that inspired this was a video from 2008 of In This Place live on moshcam . com (did it spaced because it wont show if i do it together :( )I don't know, sometimes I look at it now and they just look tired and sweaty, but the way Shaun acted performing that was powerful, his facial expressions, I knew there was a big story behind it and Andy kept looking at him. And no, Shaun didn't actually cry, I added it.

This is realistic but not realistic, who knows? only the boys know.

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed and if you don't like Shandy fanfics and read this anyway, don't leave hate, you're the stupid one for coming here. this is for people who ship the ship. and no, just because I did the research, doesn't make me think I know everything because I don't. haha, just enjoy.

Hope to write some new stuff soon for all you guys. cya. x

xStepOneIsYourHeartx


	23. Chapter 23 Alternative Ending

(Alternative ending)

ANDY P.O.V

It's 6am, I haven't had a blink of sleep. Shaun, he goes to America today, I haven't spoken to him in months. I don't know what's wrong with me either. I think I'm still in love with him, I love Justine too. I just don't know what to do. I looked across at Justine sleeping snuggled up and warm in my bed, she was so beautiful and I love her so much, but my heart is just screaming for Shaun, I carefully stroked her cheek with the back of my hand then sat up. I needed to tell Shaun. I don't care if it'll push him away or bring him closer, he just needs to know. I got out of bed and got my white shirt on, I heard a little croak, Justine.  
"A-Andy…? where you going?"  
"this is going to kill you" I sniffed, sliding on my jeans  
"what?" she got up, turning the light on and coming over to me.  
"Justine" I turned to her and put my hands on her hips.  
"I love you, I really do, I know I do…"  
"then what's the problem?"  
"I-…I am still madly in love with Shaun" I felt myself tear up, I can't imagine how she feels.  
"Aw baby, it's okay if you do…I understand, he means so much to you" wait what.  
"H-He goes to America today…I want to go after him and tell him before it's too late, he just has to know, I want him to stop worrying about me.  
"Come on, I'll take you." She said, pulling her own jeans on.  
"really?" I asked, putting my himynameis jacket on and doing my hair in the mirror  
"of course, even if it means we can't be together, we will always have our memories" She said, walking next to me and grabbing her jacket off the desk.  
"you really are amazing Justine, I still want to be best friends at least, I can't get rid of someone as amazing and supportive as you from my life" I looked at her, she looked back at me.  
"of course I'll be here and also, I've always wanted a gay best friend" she winked and spanked my bum playfully, going to the bathroom.  
"heeey" I pouted and went after her, she laughed as she brushed her teeth then did her make up, I brushed my teeth and went back to my room, spraying myself with lynx, and putting my socks on. Justine ran in with her hair up and sat on the bed, sliding her boots on as I put my converse on. Justine then grabbed my keys.  
"I'm driving" she said, running out to the car, I went after her, getting in the passenger's side. She started the car and pulled out, we put our seat belts on as she speeded down to the freeway.  
"woah, why are you going so fast?" I asked  
"well it's like, 7 now and it takes almost an hour to get there. We can't miss him."  
"o-okay" I said, starting to get nervous, what if we don't make it.

Justine parked in front of the airport, we both got out and ran in, making our way up escalators and running through crowds of people.  
"what time is it?" I asked whilst running.  
"we have five minutes!" she said, speeding up, I ran besides her.  
"I SEE HIM!" She said, pointing. I stopped and stared at him in the line with his ticket.  
"SHAUN!" I yelled, running in his direction, he didn't hear, he was about to pass his ticket as I approached.  
"SHAUN!" I said, my eyes welling up again.  
"Andy?" he turned around, I jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck, pushing my head into his shoulder, I sobbed into him softly. I made it.  
"Andy, what are you doing?" he said softly, wrapping his arms around me.  
"I-I just needed to tell you how much I love you before you get on that plane. I love you so much Shaun, I just needed you to know that. I'm still so madly in love with you and I don't want you to worry about me." I sniffed, he held me tighter kissing my neck.  
"Thank fuck, I thought I was the only one, I love you too Andy, I can't live without you."  
"I need you so much" I whispered.  
"I need you too…"  
"u-um, what about me?" Brooke's voice said, I pulled out of Shaun's arms and wiped my eyes, he had a tear falling too.  
"I-I'm sorry Brooke, I tried, I did, but I love Andy…"  
"I-I get it Shaun…"  
he bit his lip and turned to me "come to America with me?" he asked, I smiled.  
"O-Okay, I don't have my things though"  
"don't worry, it's only 4 weeks and I'll share with you"  
"okay, and I should be fine, all I need is you" I smiled.  
"Andy…here" I looked at Brooke as she passed me her ticket.  
"thanks"  
"good luck to the both of you" I smiled at her and looked up at Shaun, he held my hand and smiled at me.  
"ready?"  
"always" I smiled, we waved back at Justine and Brooke as they waved as we walked through to the plane door and going to our seats that were in front of Sinj and the others. Sinj's face was shocked, I gave him a bitchy smile and waved.  
"hey" I said innocently  
"what the-" He said, Tim nudged him. I laughed and sat next to Shaun. He looked at me.  
"I love you so much baby" he whispered  
"I love you too…" I whispered, smiling, he leaned in slowly and kissed me soft but tender on the lips as I kissed him back, the plane slowly took off. Here's the first step to forever, with the man I love.


End file.
